Lodger Problems - Landlord's Boyfriend

sparkle84

I don't know if this is appropriate for this forum couldn't think of anywhere else to put it.


I rent a room in London for 4 nights per week (Sunday to Thursday morning). My landlady is very nice no problems so far - she has gone on holiday with her children for a week - back Wednesday. On Sunday I came up (earlier than usual around 5.00pm normally I get there at 11.00pm) to find her boyfriend in the flat, I had only met him for literally a minute a couple of weeks previously so at first didn't know who he was, I quickly realized said hello, how are you, blah blah - as the time when on it became apparent he wasn't leaving so I asked if he was staying the night to which he replied yes.


I don't know this guy I wasn't told in advance he would be staying while she was away, if I had come up at my usual time he would have been in bed and I wouldn't have even realized he was there and would have been terrified if I heard him moving around in the night. Am I unreasonable in thinking this is a bit off - he left me a note this morning to say he would be back tonight - I don't want to share a small flat with one bathroom with a complete stranger, he has been there all weekend. My landlady cancelled the cleaner as she would be away which would have been fine if no one had been living there - now the place is quite grubby.


Don't know what I am asking really - just am I being unreasonable?as it is her flat and he is her boyfriend can he just come and go as he pleases? I will speak to her when she gets back but any comments/advice would be appreciated.


Sorry for the essay

HouseBuyer77

as it is her flat and he is her boyfriend can he just come and go as he pleases?

Pretty much

just am I being unreasonable?

Not at all, it's perfectly reasonable to want to know who's coming and going and when in the place you live. However it's also perfectly reasonable for your landlady to say 'my boyfriend will come and go as he pleases'.

I suggest talking to her and determining when he's normally around or if there's no fixed schedule. I doubt she'd want to consider restrictions so if you don't like the idea of him being there more or less whenever you're only other option would be to move out (potentially if she values you as a lodger she'd be willing to consider restricting his vists to prevent this).

booksurr

her flat, hers to allow whoever she wants to use it, obviously she gave him the keys to let himself in with

yes you are being unreasonable. Whilst she has every right to control what guests you have in her house, the opposite does not apply to you saying who "shares" with you

G_M

sparkle84 wrote: »

Don't know what I am asking really - just am I being unreasonable?as it is her flat and he is her boyfriend can he just come and go as he pleases? I will speak to her when she gets back but any comments/advice would be appreciated.


Sorry for the essay

You are a lodger living in someone's home. She can invite whoever she wants to visit whenever she wants. It's her home.

If you are uncomfortable with it, move.

If you were a tenant, with exclusive occupation of the property, of course you could specify who can visit and when. But that is the difference between a lodger and a tenant.

Do you have a contract and does it specify a notice period?

sparkle84

thank you I appreciate everyones replies - I will be giving notice when my landlady returns from holiday.


I fully understand that she can have anyone and anytime over to visit as it is her home - I just found it odd that he would decided to stay there while she is on holiday - he has his own flat - due to her children he is never there Sunday - Thursday I suppose I just feel that it would have been a courtesy by my landlady to let me know he would be staying there rather him just turning up because to be honest it was lucky I had briefly met him as if I hadn't I would have rung the police -how on earth would I have know who he was!

HappyMJ

sparkle84 wrote: »

thank you I appreciate everyones replies - I will be giving notice when my landlady returns from holiday.


I fully understand that she can have anyone over to visit as it is her home - I just found it odd that he would decided to stay there while she is on holiday - he has his own flat - due to her children he is never there Sunday - Thursday I suppose I just feel that it would have been a courtesy to let me know he would be staying there rather him just turning up and making me feel uncomfortable.

Is he really that bad? It would have been nice to let you know but in my world the hassle of trying to find somewhere else to live outweighs what to me is a small issue like this.

If you do find somewhere new you most probably will be sharing the bathroom with other....that's sharing. If you like a space of your own then you rent the whole property but I imagine that's going to be prohibitively expensive.

fairy_lights

sparkle84 wrote: »

I don't want to share a small flat with one bathroom with a complete stranger, he has been there all weekend.

If your landlady and her children normally all live there then it can't be that small!
I can understand your annoyance at getting home to what you expected to be an empty house and finding a stranger there, but I think you're being a bit hasty in handing your notice in. Maybe tell your landlady that you were surprised to find him there, and in future would like to know if people are going to be staying while she is on holiday.

Marvel1

sparkle84 wrote: »

he left me a note this morning to say he would be back tonight

Seems tidy of him to let you know.

Gigervamp

Maybe she's asked him to stay to keep an eye on the place. It would have been polite of her to let you know.

Mossfarr

I think you need to sort it out with your landlady before you decide your next move.
I would be extremely annoyed if this had happened to me, in some cultures a man occupying the same premises as a single woman could have very serious consequences for the woman!
Of course your landlady can invite who she wants but its totally unreasonable that you weren't informed he would be there, she has a duty of care to you too! Its not like she didn't have the opportunity to tell you.
There is also the possibility that he does not have her permission to be there whilst she is away - after all, if she knew he would be staying why would she cancel the cleaner?
After discussing it with her, if she doesn't see it as an issue, I think you may be better finding somewhere else.
Mossfarr

zebulon

Mossfarr wrote: »

There is also the possibility that he does not have her permission to be there whilst she is away - after all, if she knew he would be staying why would she cancel the cleaner?

This!
I find this really weird, even if it's her place to have anyone she wants in.

"Hey [landlady], sorry to bother during your holiday. Do you know if [boyfriend] is staying at the flat all this week? I didn't get the chance to ask when he was here yesterday. Hope you're having a great time."