Unauthorised transactions

Waldemar

Again Tomtontom

Yes I did notice that my wife was having a manic episode, I am guessing that this is a subject close to home.

I am not saying that I am perfect and have dealt with it in exactly the right way without any frustration or anger. We have both had a lot of professional help with this and I will be actively seeking more.

Of course I have noticed some of her spending however a lot of it was well hidden. I never thought that she would use my card and as I don't treat her like a child or control every aspect of her life she spends her money as she wishes. Clearly when that is not working then some control needs to be taken for the good of our family which is why we have sat down together and gone through her spending not line by line but in an overall budget setting excercise understanding where we are now what has been an average spend to give you an idea £400 plus on clothes a month and setting a new budget £50 per month that we have agreed to together and I will closely monitor. What else would you suggest I do?

Waldemar

Snow Tiger

Thank you for your advice I will follow that route. Yes you are correct that in all probability their get out of jail card will be to insist on criminal proceedings and my collaboration. At that point I would not continue. In terms of what I was hoping for was in light of the circumstances cancelling the over limit charge, freezing the interest and agreeing to a repayment plan. Sounds like I don't have much chance of that happening so best course of action looks like combination of 0% balance transfer / loans. Certainly not expecting the debt to be written off.

Waldemar

Podge, Thank you

My sentiments entirely. I could be opening up a can of worms with disastrous consequences that I had no control over once started if I was to pursue that course of action.

Not to mention facing high legal bills to sort the mess out

Waldemar

Blondboy,

Thank you very much for your constructive advice.

I agree that the emotional and psychological aspects have to be taken care of. We will seek further help and I am certainly not blameless in my contributing to her manic episodes. I love my wife very much ad want to make our marriage work and will be there more for her emotionally and not lean on her as much in terms on housekeeping.

owlet

One idea with regards to the current accounts would be for the main household ones to be in your name only & open your wife a basic account, which you can make joint if you want to keep an eye on it. A basic account won't have an overdraft & she can only spend the actual cash in it.

Waldemar

Hi Grumbler

Yes I mean converting joint accounts to single ones, so that no money leaves my account without my authorisation ( at least that is the hope )

Yes aware of the responsibility and debt implications just thought it would be a good way to organise accounts and manage budget by having all bills, mortgage, food and such in one account with our personal accounts for our discretionary spending.

Might have to look into opening a new sole account with a new bank ad keeping the old joint accounts and then just move wages ect to new account. Thanks did not think of that option.

SeduLOUs

Not sure I believe it. Even if I could stretch to believe that you haven't checked your accounts for 6 months, despite knowing that your wife is a serial spender, how did you not notice £5000 worth of stuff arriving at the house (and that's just the CC spend)?

Waldemar

Owlet

Thank you. A joint basic account for her use with no overdraft is a good idea.

Alarae

This is an unfortunate situation to be in. I understand that you would not want to implicate your wife in any way so you will have to bear the burden of what she has done and pay this off or it will affect your credit. If you can, it would be best to transfer the debt to 0% to give you a good chance at tackling it.

In terms of tackling your wife's emotional issues I would advise seeking counselling, so that she can work through her issues and help to prevent any further occurrences. Maybe after she has solo sessions you can join in when she is ready, and you can both discuss in a neutral environment your emotions, any hurt or upset and then make a plan together to work forward.

You have the right idea in terms of removing her access to the accounts which have your salary paid into. I would echo other poster's advice and open her up a basic account which she cannot utilise an overdraft on but do not make another joint account, even for household expenses. I'm not trying to sound terrible, but if your wife has previously spent your money and kept this from you (at a large amount) then there is a high possibility she will remove money from a household account if she doesn't have access to anything else. Especially if she has no overdraft going forward. The implications for missing household bills would be bad for both of you.

It seems like you need to take full reins of the financial spending for the immediate future. After she has had a chance to speak to someone who will work with her to resolve any issues she has then you can consider putting her back on the joint account. It will be difficult and will seem like you are limiting her financial freedom but the fact is ultimately you are doing the best thing for your family at this time.

Waldemar

SeduLous

Another know it all. This has happened whether you believe it or not, which frankly is neither my concern or purpose of posting on here.

Do you think I am making this up for fits and giggles!

Yes as previously stated I kick myself for not looking at my accounts for 6 months. I knew that I had not used it bar the odd congestion zone transaction so in my mind I had no reason to look at it as I knew where it was. Perhaps online accounts with no paper statements is not such a good idea as with paper statements I would have picked up on it a lot earlier.

I knew that a lot of stuff was arriving, I did mention it. Not for a second did I think it was with my own money. By the way £5k on my creditcard in 6 months and 7k from my current account over 12 months.

Anyway you believe what you want to believe!