Elderly parents living in poverty

margaretclare

atush wrote: »

I dont see a problem in that at all, esp in older people who are used to when being married that all income and outgoings are joint.

The new system of those keeping separate accts and paying bills separately is just silly to me. I realize that many now like to keep sep accts as they dont trust their partner with their cash. But I dont think I could marry and have kids with someone I didn't trust. But maybe that is just me.

How can all 'income' be joint?

We don't pay bills separately - all bills go out automatically from a joint account to which we both contribute, and that includes car expenses including servicing. But we do each get income into separate bank accounts, with different banks. No question of 'not trusting our partner'. But DH did take some persuading that we should have a joint account for all household expenses. Before that, they all went out of my account and I was concerned about what would happen to him, if 'something happened to me'. He'd had a bad experience with a joint account in an earlier marriage. Even when I persuaded him of the need for a joint account, he didn't want a debit card or a cash facility. We worked out our own system and it has worked well for over a decade now.

andyfr_2

We are exactly the same, have our own individual accounts and a joint one. It's nothing to do with trust it's more to do with financial independence. When I buy my wife a gift I want it to be a surprise, also if I want to buy myself something I can without feeling any guilt because it's my money.

Glenwats

Agree with 'something corporate', spend spend spend!

atush

margaretclare wrote: »

How can all 'income' be joint?

We don't pay bills separately - all bills go out automatically from a joint account to which we both contribute, and that includes car expenses including servicing. But we do each get income into separate bank accounts, with different banks. No question of 'not trusting our partner'. But DH did take some persuading that we should have a joint account for all household expenses. Before that, they all went out of my account and I was concerned about what would happen to him, if 'something happened to me'. He'd had a bad experience with a joint account in an earlier marriage. Even when I persuaded him of the need for a joint account, he didn't want a debit card or a cash facility. We worked out our own system and it has worked well for over a decade now.

I think it may be in your case, as you were both married before. And he had a bad experience, and you were on your own for a bit? But is the way things are done now.

When we first got engaged then married (both still on our first) one or both of us were always immigrants where we lived. So we only had the one acct that was joint in each place. All income when into it, and all bills out. Everything joint.

Eventually I opened an acct or two on my own, but eventually added him to it as he added me to all his.

But I know one person who was married and there was no joint acct at all- he gave her 'pin money' (they are not older) and he controlled everything else. Total control freak, wouldn't let her do the weekly shop on her own, and chose her clothes. Freaky.

atush

andyfr wrote: »

We are exactly the same, have our own individual accounts and a joint one. It's nothing to do with trust it's more to do with financial independence. When I buy my wife a gift I want it to be a surprise, also if I want to buy myself something I can without feeling any guilt because it's my money.

Anything he buys for me is a surprise, because I dont go over the CC accts lol.

Like i said, we were living abroad in countries neither of us were from so never had separate accts. I had american ones on my own, and I added him to my Amex. But I eventually closed my US accts and when we moved back to the UK he added me to his. And some places we lived, I wasn't allowed to work.

We've always pooled everything. Even when both working.

ViolaLass

atush wrote: »

Anything he buys for me is a surprise, because I dont go over the CC accts lol.

Like i said, we were living abroad in countries neither of us were from so never had separate accts. I had american ones on my own, and I added him to my Amex. But I eventually closed my US accts and when we moved back to the UK he added me to his. And some places we lived, I wasn't allowed to work.

We've always pooled everything. Even when both working.

Fine, but doesn't mean everyone has to do it or that you have to have solely joint accounts and no individual accounts. OH and I have both.

margaretclare

But I know one person who was married and there was no joint acct at all- he gave her 'pin money' (they are not older) and he controlled everything else. Total control freak, wouldn't let her do the weekly shop on her own, and chose her clothes. Freaky.

Yes, totally freaky. I could never live in this kind of relationship. Never in a million years. I would never have married someone - surely there were signs pre-wedding of what he was like? That would have been a definite goodbye.

When I worked in offices back in the 60s there were some who said 'oh you're only working for pin money'. I never really understood the concept of pin money.

System

margaretclare wrote: »

I never really understood the concept of pin money.

There was still a significant proportion back then of non-working wives. So if the husband was earning enough to support them both, but the wife chose to work, for whatever reason, her income was widely seen as surplus and potentially for frivolous purposes.

It may seem an out of date concept now, but that was the origin of the expression.

kidmugsy

margaretclare wrote: »

I never really understood the concept of pin money.

WKPD speaks:

(now historical) An allowance of money given by a man to his wife or to other dependents for their personal, discretionary use. [from 16th c.]
(idiomatic, dated) A relatively small sum of cash kept in one's personal possession, for routine expenses or incidental purchases; an amount of money which is not particularly significant. [from 18th c.]  

Goldiegirl

I think it was called 'pin money' so the wifey could buy herself hat pins and other fripperies