Should I reduce Maintenance if I have the kids??

kelloggs36

Perhaps you might like to direct her to this site (edit any posts you feel necessary!!!) she may see just how unreasonable she is being.

dundeedoll_2

When ex took our children to France for 10 days I didn't suggest he reduce the maintanance, as others have pointed out, the bills are still here to be paid! What I did do tho' was to give him £200 to put towards the children's holiday.
I am taking the children on holiday abroad next week & he has said he will give them their spending money.

If there is a school trip (France Mon - Fri £290) he always offers to pay towards it, but I always say : 'No it's ok. Thats what you pay the maintanance for'

He has them very regularly - up until recently 1 night a week + every 2nd weekend but he has now moved about an hour away so usually every 2nd weekend now. It's flexible tho', basically the children can see their dad whenever they want.He has never taken off his '7ths' for this.Having said that, the eldest went to stay with him last Thursday , I am taking the younger 1 down to his tomorrow teatime, as he's been on holiday with his friend until last night and then I will pick them both up Sunday evening.
I'm constantly getting told: 'If he wants them, let him come and get them. Why should you make a 2 hour round trip with your car/petrol/time just so he can see them?'
Firstly it is difficult for him to always get them as he has a pub and secondly I turn it around and feel that I do it so our children can see him.

We have no legal arrangement regarding maintainance,just worked things out ourselves. I intend to offer him £30 towards food for having the eldest but know he probably won't take it.

I know that he is very good about paying maintainance, but equally he knows he is lucky that i am very reasonable about it all. I do realise there may be a lot of people that would like to be reasonable and get on, but the situation is not there to be able to do that. Every situation is very different.
We are not in a relationship anymore, but still in a partnership! It's called being parents!!!

aussiesbird

dundeedoll wrote: »

When ex took our children to France for 10 days I didn't suggest he reduce the maintanance, as others have pointed out, the bills are still here to be paid! What I did do tho' was to give him £200 to put towards the children's holiday.
I am taking the children on holiday abroad next week & he has said he will give them their spending money.

If there is a school trip (France Mon - Fri £290) he always offers to pay towards it, but I always say : 'No it's ok. Thats what you pay the maintanance for'

He has them very regularly - up until recently 1 night a week + every 2nd weekend but he has now moved about an hour away so usually every 2nd weekend now. It's flexible tho', basically the children can see their dad whenever they want.He has never taken off his '7ths' for this.Having said that, the eldest went to stay with him last Thursday , I am taking the younger 1 down to his tomorrow teatime, as he's been on holiday with his friend until last night and then I will pick them both up Sunday evening.
I'm constantly getting told: 'If he wants them, let him come and get them. Why should you make a 2 hour round trip with your car/petrol/time just so he can see them?'
Firstly it is difficult for him to always get them as he has a pub and secondly I turn it around and feel that I do it so our children can see him.

We have no legal arrangement regarding maintainance,just worked things out ourselves. I intend to offer him £30 towards food for having the eldest but know he probably won't take it.

I know that he is very good about paying maintainance, but equally he knows he is lucky that i am very reasonable about it all. I do realise there may be a lot of people that would like to be reasonable and get on, but the situation is not there to be able to do that. Every situation is very different.
We are not in a relationship anymore, but still in a partnership! It's called being parents!!!

I quite agree with what you are saying dundeedoll and my ex and I have a relationship very similar to you and your ex. It is all about give and take and being reasonable about it. Anyone who fails to see that is just being childish and greedy. My partners ex is the childish greedy one by the way which is why I have an interest on this forum.
However, when you read the posts from CHR15 you have to admit that he is paying far more than his fair share and is being taken advantage of. I still believe he has every right to reduce the money down for this month because of his circumstances and his ex is just being greedy.
I say reduce the money and let her go to the CSA, she will soon change her mind when she sees you will pay far less during the course of the year than what you are paying now. As Kelloggs said, stand up to her - you have nothing to lose, but on the other hand she will lose a lot.
Good Luck CHR15 and have a brilliant holiday with your girls. :cool:
By the way... you say she probably won't let you see your girls if you go ahead, didn't you say your girls wereof teenage status now? If so they will have a mind of their own and can see you without their mothers permission - just a thought.

Also, if you really do feel that you don't want to go ahead and risk not seeing your girls why don't you suggest you reduce the money this month, to help you out, and pay her back at say an extra £25 per month when you get back on your feet. Surely she can't deny you that offer, as she won't be losing any money at all in the long run. If she does then just take it and let her go to the CSA!! You can explain to your girls the situation, I am sure they will see your point of view! GOOD LUCK.