Should I reduce Maintenance if I have the kids??

macaroni

CHR15 wrote: »

I have sent a text saying I have to knock £100 off this month.

Now...... where are my ear defenders??

I do hope you phrased it a bit better than that!!

Its more than my ex tells me when he decides to npt pay or pay less, but a nicer way to say ' i need to reduce payments to £x this month because of x,y and z but will pay the usual next month' would be better received ( in my house anyway)

looby75

£100 seems perfectly reasonable to me, if my ex was taking my kids away for 3 weeks I would probably offer to give him back half of what he paid anyway, the money he pays (all be it to the csa in my case) is for the kids not me, but obviously, as has already been pointed out your ex will still have costs while the kids are away, housing, bills, and this time of year school uniform to buy.

I think you will find most women are reasonable when it comes down to their ex's but like everything else in life it's the bad ones you always read/hear about.

Enjoy your holiday and I hope the bank pulls it's finger out and gets you your money back in time.

CHR15

I had the expected response:

NO YOU WON'T!!
Its maintenance payments payable regardless of whether u have the girls or not! I will go to the CSA and contact your employer

mmmmmm!! I did expect it to be honest.

The biggest problem i face is that if I do hold any back, she will not let me have them over holidays in the future (if she thinks she won't get the whole whack).

@looby75 - I have been given a whole list of School Uniform items I have been told to buy, including getting feet properly measured at Clarks yada yada yada..

Today I spent £50 on a haircut (not my own self inflicted one either) and have been shopping for summer clothes for both of them..
I would say I buy most of their clothes throughout the year.

@macaroni - yes lol It was worded better, I mentioned the holiday, time with me and school uniforms but ultimately, thats what it meant

I am comforted by the general reassurance from posters in this thread that I am doing the right thing, but it cuts no ice with my ex.

No doubt I will still pay the whole amount to prevent the bribery issue (access to kids). Like I said earlier, over a barrell!!

Thanks guys, 5 more sleeps till holiday!

elisebutt65

CHR15 wrote: »

I had the expected response:


mmmmmm!! I did expect it to be honest.

The biggest problem i face is that if I do hold any back, she will not let me have them over holidays in the future (if she thinks she won't get the whole whack).

@looby75 - I have been given a whole list of School Uniform items I have been told to buy, including getting feet properly measured at Clarks yada yada yada..

In that case - buy it and giver her the bill and take the amount out of her maintenance for that month - U can't pay maintenance and also buy stuff for them on top!! That's what the maintenance is for!

Today I spent £50 on a haircut (not my own self inflicted one either) and have been shopping for summer clothes for both of them..
I would say I buy most of their clothes throughout the year.

I am comforted by the general reassurance from posters in this thread that I am doing the right thing, but it cuts no ice with my ex.

Tell her to go to CSA then!! She'll get no joy from them for at leat 18 months and they'll not giver her £450/month anyways - unless you earn a small fortune!!!

No doubt I will still pay the whole amount to prevent the bribery issue (access to kids). Like I said earlier, over a barrell!!

She cannot withold access from the children if u have it!!! If she tries this, nip down to your solicitors and get it sorted - She is damaging her children over this - Tell her that and still see if she is prepared to try it!!! DO NOT GIVE IN!!! It's !!!!!!! money scroungers like this that give all of us siungle mums a bad name!!!!

Thanks guys, 5 more sleeps till holiday!

Honestly - do not give in - if you give in now then she will be pushing every chance she gets!!!!

elisebutt65

Oh - and she can't contact your employer - !!!!!! have they got to do with it?? It's the CSA who do this when they eventually pull their fingers out about garnisheeing(sp) someone's earnings!

stressed_eric_4

don't forget she's still getting the child benefit and child tax credits for the children for theses 3 weeks. have you calculated what it would be under csa? 20% of your net income less 1/7 for overnight stays (i'm presuming you have them for 2 nights each alternate weekend). if it will be cheaper just pay her that and let her go to the csa ( remember to make all your s/o or d/d with "child maintenance for x and y" so that if csa are involved it can not be seen as a gift!!! also if you would pay less under csa then you sound like a reasonable dad and it would just mean you could do more for/with your children when you have them, i'm not 100% but kellogs might know, if under csa rules you can also get it reduced because of your high travel costs to see the children. csa calcuate maintenace required and then if you do anything else this is as a bonus legally you would not need to buy shoes/uniforms/clothes etc but morally it's a different story if you can afford and your ex cant. have a happy holiday anyway

child359

As a mother on my own with my son, after my husband left, I have been very lucky to come to an amicable agreement over the maintenance for our son.

I do think some people out there give single parents a bad name. I, for one, would never say my son couldn't see his father because he hadn't paid me what I wanted!!(believe me initially he didn't but I continued TAKING my son to his Dad's to spend time with him because that is what my SON wanted)

The main thing to remember is the innocent children in this and fortunately you seem to do this in spades.

You pay a good amount each month and have shown that you are willing to increase payments when more funds became available.

I can understand you being worried as once an amicable relationship is established no one wants to rock the boat.

BUT you pay maintenance and you buy clothes and shoes for them! Don't feel bad about reducing it.

My heart goes out to you and keep us updated with the progress.:eek:

looby75

CHR15 wrote: »

@looby75 - I have been given a whole list of School Uniform items I have been told to buy, including getting feet properly measured at Clarks yada yada yada..

flipping heck she doesn't want much does she :eek: my ex and I split uniform costs 50/50 for September then I replace as needed through the year...and I'm on benefits so I only get to keep £10 a week of the money he pays to the CSA. Have you thought about suggesting this to your ex she might not have such a big last of demands if she has to pay for half of it?

You remind me of my ex, he sees his kids as his responsibility (rightly so) and does everything he can to make sure they have everything they need, thing is I respect him for that and don't take advantage of it, it doesn't sound as though your ex respects you though (that's not criticism about you btw)

N71

CHR15 wrote: »

I have sent a text saying I have to knock £100 off this month.

Now...... where are my ear defenders??

Ha ha ha!!! You may have an unreasonable ex - but you still have your sense of humour!!

kelloggs36

What a cow!! Sorry, but I think she is just being greedy! You can work out for yourself what 20% of your net income is, and if it is less than you are currently paying then call her bluff and tell her to contact the CSA, or do it yourself!! Stressederic is right, you can apply at the same time, for a Variation for high contact costs but not if you get a reduction for shared care, although if you visited them for one day per week and then had them on different days you may get it! Maintenance is paid to maintain them which you are clearly doing - she cannot ask for 50% of costs on top - it is either or, not both!! What then is the maintenance for if it is not for things such as clothes, uniforms etc? She is being greedy, manipulative and unreasonable and you need to stand up to her. Go and get contact rights via the Courts and take her back each time she breaches it. Call her bluff and above all, have a good holiday!!!!!