Should I reduce Maintenance if I have the kids??

CHR15

Hi,
I currently pay £450 per month for 2 kids.
Duringthe holidays I am having them for 3 weeks (Fantastic) I am taking them away on a holiday but I think I have overstretched myself financially.

Obviously I am paying much more for food etc this month with a teenager and a 9 year old.

My ex has gone abroad to spend time with one of her blokes for the three weeks.

How does it come across if I reduce this Months money by 50% to help ME out??

I realise there will be a whole queue of feminists shouting I should pay her everything plus some blood, I hear it all the time.

I pay her £450 per Month MAINTENANCE FOR THE CHILDREN, not money so she can live it up!!

For 3 weeks out of 4 I will be fully supporting them, is it really unsympathetic or nasty that I should ask for a reduction this month???

I know the response I will recieve but I want to take them away on holiday. I only see them alternate weekends normally as I live so far away from them.

kelloggs36

Legally it depends on whether you have them on average for 1 night per week or more. So, if you are paying via the CSA then if you have factored in your average nights per year to include the holidays, then no, you can't reduce your payments. They will chase you for them and you will end up paying anyway. Have you not tried to negotiate this with your ex?

N71

Firstly it depends if you're paying through the CSA.

If you're paying through the CSA, a three week holiday won't make any difference to the assesment unless it pushes you up to a higher shared care band.

If its a private agreement between you and the childrens mother, I think its reasonable to reduce the amount when you've got the children for a long period of time. Obviously the mother still has to pay her bills to keep the kids roof over their heads etc, but she won't have to pay out all the extra stuff kids cost like, food and general 'i want that!' stuff.

Is the mother reasonable enough to understand this? She should be happy that you're a responsible father who pays a lot towards the children anyway and is happy to keep the children for 3 weeks! She should also understand that they'll be costing you a lot more than they do in a normal month.

In my opinion, it depends on how reasonable she is!!

Angua2

Hiya, just got to comment that being feminist isn't an automatic membership into the lacking-reason-and-logic club (isn't that what the x-chromosome is for?) :rolleyes:

Anyhow, I don't think that for a 3-week one-off situation you'll get much legal support (are the CSA involved, btw?), unless you've an agreement in place as part of separation/divorce which states that the amount of maintenance varies with the amount of over-night residence....?

Only you will know if your ex is approachable about this. As you've described the situation, you essentially want part of the one month's maintenance moneys to use on your children while they are with you, which doesn't seem at all unreasonable.

CHR15

Sorry, I should have mentioned. There is no CSA involvement. It was an agreement when we split that I will pay £415 per month.

I recently paid off the final credit card bill (built up from the marriage) an decided to increase her payments up to £450 as I was then £70 per month better off with not paying the CC bill.

She is not reasonable AT ALL!!
Partly because the huge numbers of women who crawl out from all directions lecturing her on what she should get from me.
She is surrounded by people claiming she should have everything.

I recently changed my car to a rattly diesel to save on fuel costs on my 500 mile round trips to pick them up! Oh! the hassle and spiteful comments I have had!

I agree with your comments N71, that's why I mentioned 50% and not 75% reduction.
In fact even knocking £100 off will help me out

tanith

I think what you are proposing sounds totally reasonable but I am a reasonable person.. I am guessing your childrens Mum is not going to see it that way.. If you are prepared to take the flak and from what you say there will be some then go ahead with your proposal.

I think you sound a very caring and responsible parent and a 50% reduction is perfectly reasonable in my book.

kelloggs36

I was assuming you had to pay via CSA, so you can do what you like really and she won't be able to do anything about it legally except threaten you with the CSA! Work out whether this will be beneficial in the long run anyway in case she does decide to go this route - 20% of your net income and a 1/7 per night reduction if you have them for 1 night per week on average over the year. Personally I would think that it would be entirely reasonable to reduce the costs as you have not got a legally binding assessment in place already. Good luck.

CHR15

Okay, thanks the replies.

The situation has been exasperated by some Soul-less swine stealing £500 from my bank account!!

I checked by bank account last night and £497 has been spent through 6 transactions. 2 at an online betting website and 4 at some clickandbuy website!!

I have called the bank and had my cards cancelled.
The Fraud department said it could be 5-7 days before I get the money back.
We go on holiday in 5 days so it's going to be a bit of a close call really!

Typically, the day we go is the same day the money to my ex is transferred through a standing order!

I lost all interest in the legal process, CSA, Solicitors etc. All they do is bend me over and violate me!!
I just take whatever they throw at me and try not to get too down about it all!
It's a womans world!

liney

the cost of her looking after the children that month, will be 1/4 so paying her 1/2 is very reasonable, especially as it's a holiday so you will probably spend more money in those 3 weeks than at home. Logic and reason .... appeal to her's? Best of luck with that eh?

But i do take offense that you assume feminist's would automatically argue with you ! /poke

kelloggs36

CHR15 wrote: »

Okay, thanks the replies.

The situation has been exasperated by some Soul-less swine stealing £500 from my bank account!!

I checked by bank account last night and £497 has been spent through 6 transactions. 2 at an online betting website and 4 at some clickandbuy website!!

I have called the bank and had my cards cancelled.
The Fraud department said it could be 5-7 days before I get the money back.
We go on holiday in 5 days so it's going to be a bit of a close call really!

Typically, the day we go is the same day the money to my ex is transferred through a standing order!

I lost all interest in the legal process, CSA, Solicitors etc. All they do is bend me over and violate me!!
I just take whatever they throw at me and try not to get too down about it all!
It's a womans world!

Many on here would disagree!!! There are many woman PWCs here not getting a single penny in maintenance because their exs have chosen not to pay and the system is failing them in not getting what they are owed out of them! Not only that, but the whole tax system and CSA system allows this to happen because it is so lax especially where self employed are concerned!!

Angua2

I agree! The great sadness is the huge number of children (not the original poster's, obviously) living in poverty because of the system's failings. National disgrace.

kelloggs36 wrote: »

Many on here would disagree!!! There are many woman PWCs here not getting a single penny in maintenance because their exs have chosen not to pay and the system is failing them in not getting what they are owed out of them! Not only that, but the whole tax system and CSA system allows this to happen because it is so lax especially where self employed are concerned!!