Why Won’t You Marry Me ?

Shineyhappy

What do your close friends and family think of her? Have any of them made any sort of comments regarding her?

All my friends and family hated my ex with a passion and I was too stupid to see why. I know you shouldnt base decisions on what other people think, but they might see things you dont and if they all say one thing then maybe they are right?

I think every couple has very different ways of dealing with money, my ex and I would worry about paying exactly half and repaying but now I am in a far more relaxed relationship and if we forgot whos turn it is to pay for the food shopping it doesnt matter.

The other thing you havent mentioned is does she have religious reasons for wanting to get married?

Although if you are having this much doubt and you are worried about her motives maybe she isnt Ms Right?

simon-dupree

You think I am rich but I am not ,that's the scary bit,I don't feel rich .I think the lady in question thinks I may be rich but everything is relative and a half decent house is £300-£400K .The house I gave my X is now worth £400K+ and I doubt I will ever be able to afford something like that again ,not and live .I drive a 13 year old car .I like holidays but they are not extravagant ones.

Earn over £35,000 and the tax man wants 40% .Die and he wants 40% of everything over 350K. Sell any investments and the profit comes off at your high Tax rate of 40% .
Think back 25 years to the prices of goods and services,house food anything and project that forward to the next 25 years.
You need a good amount to just get by reasonably comfortably and not have to end up on the state.
That's why I am extra careful insofar as I don't want to make a silly mistake .
People worry about investments and percentages and spend hours with their finances but believe me NOTHING can hit you has hard as a divorce when a greedy X (and I am not pointing fingers because it happens both ways Husband to Wife and vice versa) together with a smart lawyer and the courts proceeds to clean you out of up to 70% of your net worth over a chance meeting that your partner had at a bad time in their life when they "struck if off "with a gold digger.Its the biggest and hardest lesson you ever learn.
No wonder I am cautious.

Ok you may say, you were in an unhappy marriage. But its so easy for people to become unhappy and unfulfilled in this complex world where perfection is pushed at us and divorce is a button away on the computer.Values and marriage has turned into a farce with only the lawyers winning and now they want to do it with people who just live together.
Anyone with an ounce of common sense and the ability to see things as they are can see what is happening.
On things that really matter and need sorting out no one does anything and peoples lives are ruined .On silly things the Nanny state steps in and messes about with it adding another layer of bureaucracy so we have little old lady's terrified of getting it wrong what to put in there rubbish bin or when to put it out.
House prices have gone ridiculous with this cheap credit available ,all it has done is make people slaves to the system at a higher financial level.No one is really any better off unless they trade down or die and then the state picks up its cheque .

Ok call me a sceptic but the evidence that things are not right is overwhelming.Anyone who thinks the state is going to look after them is in for a shock because the state has run the biggest pyramid selling operation ever and there will be no money from the state or very little in years to come. They have spent it all .If it was a company it would have been closed down long since.

No I am not rich I am careful and hope to try and provide for myself and the right spouse in the future hopefully.The advice and comments have been really helpful ,I do have a bit of a paranoia about it because the evidence is shouting watch out to me.That is why I posted the thread to see what others made of it and very interesting its been too.Thanks everyone who has had input. Simon

lynzpower

Simon,

In any major life change, Id suggest just going with your gut instinct.

If your gut instinct says no, then thats what I suggest.

GreenNinja

simon-dupree wrote: »

I take on board that there may be as you say spin on my question as to induce negative response,sorry about that I didn't knowingly do it on purpose and it is probably due to the negative feelings I am getting regarding this union hence my question to find out if I am viewing it incorrectly.

Further evidence that may have put negative spin on it that I didn't mention initially but will now is as follows.


I remember asking her what she would want from me if we did join finances ,at the time there was talk (and it was just talk) of my some of my properties being turned into a shopping arcade and the possibility of it being worth millions . She said I would like half the profit on any development but she did add that she would be advising me on the deal (she knows little if anything regarding property dealing).I have owned that property for thirty years and now if the development was to go ahead my new partner wanted half the profit on the deal.


Similarly when we were in California and we had had a lovely three months winter break,she said work wont pay for my time on holiday for this long next time.I said ok I will pick up the bill for your half of the holiday next time.She said I would feel that would be charity, cant we get married instead then your money would be my money and I wouldn't feel bad about taking it.

Thanks for the interesting responses to this posting .


Simon

Hate to say it but think this lady is looking for a meal ticket!

lynzpower

GreenNinja wrote: »

Hate to say it but think this lady is looking for a meal ticket!

or a banquet ticket :rotfl:

Just wondering Simon, are you one of these who likes the "high life" fancy resturaunts, 5* hotels?

Just wondering if you are what her response would be if you suddenly thought this time away we'll stay in a travellodge and go to pizza hut, what her response would be.

Jei70

simon-dupree wrote: »

No I am not rich I am careful and hope to try and provide for myself and the right spouse in the future hopefully.

This sounds to me like you don't think your current partner is the one.

If that's true, do her (and yourself) a favour, and break it up - that way both of you will be free to find the right spouse in the future.

Good luck!

Errata

No I am not rich I

You refer to yourself as a millionaire and a potential multi-millionaire. For most people that means you're rich. If you are as wealthy and potentially wealthy as you say, buy yourself some professional advice.

Karnam

you probably dont want my two pence but here it is

you're financially astute, marriage looks like an EXTREMELY ricky undertaking (trust issues aside) and you could stand to lose a lot.

cut your losses mate and leave. she's looking for an early retirement with a potential multimillionaire, planning to liquidate his assets in order to fund her lifestyle.

tell her if she wants marriage so badly, you'll give everything to charity, and live on her income; let's see how that ultimatum goes down!

marriage might possibly be about romance and trust blah blah blah, but it is a financial binding contract. and one should never go into one of those with ANY doubt in the mind.

Kaminari_2

Throw her ultimatum back at her - If you loved me you would accept that i don't want to get married. If you can't accept that then i guess it is over.

I think it is disgusting that she is trying to coerce you into marriage, isn't marriage about trust and support?

Alternatively, give everything to your mum and go into this marriage with nothing, let her carry the risk of losing half of what she has and see how she takes that. It will show if she is interested in you or your money.

margaretclare

:
You need a good amount to just get by reasonably comfortably and not have to end up on the state.
That's why I am extra careful insofar as I don't want to make a silly mistake .
People worry about investments and percentages and spend hours with their finances but believe me NOTHING can hit you has hard as a divorce when a greedy X (and I am not pointing fingers because it happens both ways Husband to Wife and vice versa) together with a smart lawyer and the courts proceeds to clean you out of up to 70% of your net worth over a chance meeting that your partner had at a bad time in their life when they "struck if off "with a gold digger.Its the biggest and hardest lesson you ever learn.
No wonder I am cautious.

Oh Simon! You sound just like my DH. First time around, because it was a 'long marriage' (19 years) he ended up giving away a house, 2 caravans, a car, and an endowment policy. Second time, after a couple of years in and out of work in the early 1990s, repeated redundancies etc, he arrived on my doorstep like a refugee with all his worldy goods, what he could pack into and on top of his rusty old car. Even then, the ex wanted everything - lies were told about his car, supposedly a red Jaguar rather than a rusty old white Ford Sierra, and his obsolete computer, supposedly valued at £5K. In the end he gave up the equity in the bungalow, left her with the mortgage to pay, in return for keeping his annuity which had been a 'golden goodbye' in a previous career. The cheeky mare even thought he should go on paying the mortgage for her even though she wouldn't let him back in once he'd left!

I did my best to back him up through all of this, and nearly had my assets (a mortgaged bungalow) dragged into the equation because ex tried to blame me for 'stealing him'.

However, we were in love. I fell in love with him first, it took him longer. And even longer to come round to the idea of marriage. But we got there in the end and, now both 72, we couldn't be happier, contented, satisfied with all that we have and delighted to spend time together and enjoy each other's company.

When we got married we said 'all that I am I give you, all that I have I share with you'. We didn't quibble about when we acquired this or that. 5 years on, we're better off than we were then because we have more income than we need (both have independent pensions and annuities) and we're saving.

I did almost give an ultimatum, because the way I was brought up, living over t'brush was shameful. A different world! But I couldn't have thrown him out. I was, and still am, too much in love with him for that. But I certainly did NOT marry him for any material possessions or assets. I'll never forget seeing him on the doorstep that night! All I could do was to just welcome him in.

HTH

Margaret