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It's all going a bit wrong (and son has Aspergers).

in MoneySaving mums
7 replies 3.3K views
Up until recently, life was going rather well.

O was employing 2 people (I own and run an Eco-friendly cleaning company) and i was working 3 days a week, and money was on the better side of OK.

I had my children in school full time and things were going OK.

But things have changed and i am a bit lost and confused about what to do now.

My 15 year old son had to leave school because he has severe Social Anxiety, as well as General Anxiety and Depression. He was referred to CAMHS who have told him that he has Aspergers.

He doesn't look after himself unless i am there almost constantly to encourage and remind him to eat, wash, and clean himself etc, as well as get out of bed in the mornings.

He also NEVER leaves the house, unless it's with me, and even then his anxiety makes it very difficult.

He doesn't sleep much at night, so i have had to reduce my hours significantly at work in order to help and support him.

Financially i am now struggling, although my son is finding things a little easier with me at home more often. But i cant afford to continue this:( I dont know what to do!

Replies

  • WantToBeSEWantToBeSE Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped! Debt-free and Proud!
    Had to cut it short, as there was someone at the door.

    I have had to get rid of both of my workers, as i didnt have the time or energy to continue employing people, training them finding them clients etc, so now its just me and i work 16 hours a week.

    My son is on a waiting list at CAMHS to see their Psychiatrist, and also has counselling fortnightly.

    I just feel a bit low and exhausted and not sure what to do with life! He is such a lovely boy, but needs such a lot of support, encouragement and assistance to maintain his quality of life, and his physical wellness.

    I am not sure what i was hoping for from this post, i guess just i want wanted to offload :(
  • HB58HB58 Forumite
    1.8K Posts
    I am so sorry for your situation. I do hope someone will come along with some practical advice for you.
  • WantToBeSEWantToBeSE Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped! Debt-free and Proud!
    Thanks HB58. I actually cross posted as i realised that mot many people look at this section of MSE, so posted it in the main bit.

    Here is a link http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?p=68750444&highlight=#post68750444
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Forumite
    0 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Newbie
    Not sure what stage you are at, but sounds like you need an Education and Health care plan, if you haven't got one.

    You have to apply to your local council to have the assessment and have a care plan written.

    They have a statutory duty to do this and there is a legal time frame in which they have to carry out this duty.

    This will then put in place support for your child and enable him to access school or be schooled in a different way. This is an involved process but you can have an independent free supporter to guide you through this time.

    See here:-
    https://www.salford.gov.uk/whatisanehcp.htm

    I also suggest that you talk to someone from Autism UK on their helpline, as Aspergers is now seen by some as a form of High functioning autism. http://www.autism.org.uk/


    They are a very helpful charity and will be able to give you the much needed advice you deserve about EHC plans, and advice on how to cope day to day.

    Just make sure you talk to as many people as you can, including those who are the parents of children with aspergers.

    I would also recommend looking on Facebook for the asperger's forums.

    Good luck and keep asking and talking to as many people as possible.:D
  • Hi WantToBeSE

    I dont have practical advice, just wanted to show you some support

    My brother has Aspergers and was diagnosed around the same age. He left school and almost never leaves the house either. However he has said that being accepted by my mum as he is, and being allowed to leave school and stay indoors was the best thing that ever happened to him. That he knows its hard on the people around him, but that being forced to go to school was torture.

    I hope you get some help. The assessment will help and he might even qualify for home study.

    He is 15. Is he safe at home (even if not particularly clean!)? My brother was also a 'night owl' - getting up well after lunchtime and not sleeping until 3am or later. However he has learned to shower, tidy a bit, and even 'cook' (ok he makes bowls of cereal & sandwiches) - in other words, he can be left for hours and come to no harm.

    Start small. Set up a routine. Write it out so he knows whats happening & when. Make sure he eats and washes when you are there. Make sure he is safe when you are not.

    It will be ok. Maybe not what you had expected, but ok. You can do this x
  • My 19 year old has aspergers. He had a really tough time in school. But I am afraid I forced him to go.., although we did move 130 miles to find him a school more able to cope with his needs. He was a lot happier there although it wasn't perfect.

    He's now in college, just about to leave one course and start another. Once again, hasn't received the help he should have done so I'm finally starting an EHCP for him.

    He has felt very isolated, very different and at times has found it difficult to leave the house. But I've persisted with that, and do get him out of the house even when he doesn't really want to. I've taught him to do the washing up. It took years but he now does it as well as I would. He can't tidy up (organising things confuses him totally in spite of being very intelligent) but he can hoover and prepare simple meals. He still goes into meltdown and gets angry at times but I'm lucky, there's always been good channels of communication between us.

    And he has a gf! She has aspergers too. This is a new thing so its a major change. He's dealing with it very well.

    I think its a case of pick your battles. Expect him to do things. Just one or two things. But always provide support and understanding. I have got my son a specialist social worker who is helping bring some services in (someone for him to talk to as 'respite'). He still doesn't sleep well so there are times I'm boss eyed from lack of sleep.

    I did manage to get my son referred to the Bethlehem Royal Behavioural and Genetics Clinic as they help young people with aspergers with coping skills. Could you try something like that?
  • WantToBeSEWantToBeSE Forumite
    7.7K Posts
    I've been Money Tipped! Debt-free and Proud!
    Thanks guys. Sorry to be a pain, but can we all post in the same thread? I cant keep up with 2 of them :)

    Thanks so much for the advice, I'll go back to my other thread and post replies there.

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?p=68750444&highlight=#post68750444
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