Family Cat - PTS after 12 years

aileth

Hi all, this is going to be a long one, feel I need to let it all out,

It's taken me a few days to get my thoughts and feelings together to post this, just want some support from people who've been in the same boat really, or advice on how to cope. I didn't think I'd be as bothered as I have been, having not lived with her for six years, but it's really getting to me and I'm struggling, as I grew up with her.

Our family cat, who we had since she was dumped and barely fit in the palm of your hand, and who we had to bottle feed due to being so young, was PTS on Friday night. She had been with me from when I was about 14-15.

She had undergone lots, and lots of tests, and the tests and her behaviour pointed to a brain tumour at the base of her skull. Within the course of about two weeks, she'd gone from normal to totally 'gone.' The tumour was apparently obstructing light from her eyes, effectively making her blind, and had also removed her sense of smell, and we suspect some hearing as well. She was always a fairly paranoid cat and her ears would be going 100 miles an hour, but in the last few days they didn't move at all. She was always very vocal, but again there was no more 'chatter' or talking to you.

She kept trying to find dark places to hide, and in fact on Thursday my sister was panicking and spent two hours looking for her, to find her under the stairs wrapped in about six coats.

We tried to confine her to a dog crate, as she was walking into things/falling off the bed/falling off the sofa, but she would just walk around and around in circles until she collapsed. She wanted to walk, but she didn't know where to. She wasn't eating or drinking, although she did lick a bit of gravy but only when it was literally put in her face.

When she wasn't walking around, she was collapsed in my dad's arms with a glazed expression, like she had given up.

We went up on Friday night due to her taking a turn for the worst, as she had had a seizure while defecating in the dining room, and had continued having small seizures throughout the day.

So we all took the decision to have her PTS. The Vet was exceptional, and she went in my dad's arms. I haven't seen him cry my whole life, except then. We're going to have a single cremation with an urn.

Each time I think about it, I picture her, I just burst into tears. It's been really affecting my work these last few days, and getting to sleep has been a nightmare as I have no distraction.

I watched a movie on Netflix last night. I wasn't paying a lot of attention, and then suddenly my husband turned the TV off. I nagged him (stupid of me) to know why he'd done it. Turns out the movie had a cat being put down in it. We both had a little cry together.

How do people cope when such a huge facet of your life is taken away? I know it will get easier, but it is really difficult at the moment. It really doesn't help when you get people saying, "It's just a cat", "Why are you so upset? It's only an animal." Yes, she was 'just a cat', but she has also been around since I was a teenager, and in fact has been there for me more than many human friends have.

One of the main factors upsetting me is that, really, she wasn't hugely old. She could've had another 10 years in her. She had never, ever been sick, and yet the one time she gets sick, it's apparently very uncommon, very aggressive, and there's nothing we could do.

Help please

thorsoak

Oh Aileth {{{hugs}}} this wasn't "just a cat" - she was YOUR cat, she was part of your family, had her place in it, and she was loved by you all, and I have no doubt she loved you.

The trouble with having animals as part of the family is that they do not live as long as we do - but you all have done the most loving, most selfless thing for her - you gave her release, you gave her peace. In so doing, you have all lost a bit of your hearts. But she will never leave you - you will always remember her with love - and now there are tears - but you will, one day though not yet - remember her with smiles.

This might help you :- https://rainbowsbridge.com/

{{hugs}}

ameliarate

you don't need help you just need to grieve. It is perfectly normal. I was a total wreck for days after my dog was PTS. I am sorry you went through such a hard time at the end but please remember the good times and the love you gave each other.

ERICS_MUM

My Eric is 17 now so I know I face this situation in due course and I know I will be distraught. It's a natural reaction when you've lost someone that has taken up such a big place in your life.

Take care, it will get better.

TBagpuss

*hugs*
It is perfectly normal and understandable. She was a big part of your life and you loved her. Just because she was 'only' a cat doesn't mean that your love for her, and your grief for her, are not real.

You made the right, difficult choice to let her go. You were there for her when she needed you and you did everything for her that you could.

it will get easier. You will miss her, and you will remember the good parts, as well as the bad part at the end.

Probably, sooner or later, another cat will show up in your life and steal your heart again, and when they do, they won't be replacing her or taking her place, but they may help comfort you and remind you happy memories.

meanwhile, don't be ashamed to grieve. And it it would help you to have a small ceremony with your family, and plant a bush (or a clump of catnop!) in her memory, do that.

Every one is different. I had to let me old boy go after 17 years, and although he had not been in the best of health he went down hill very suddenly at the end, so it was a shock. It's been a little over 2 years now, and while I still miss him (and the cats that came before him) I know he had a good life, and I can remember the 17 years we had together much more often that I remember the 24 hours at the end when he was hurting and I had to make that hard choice.

downshifter

I howled when I got home after having my beautiful dog pts. In fact I wondered where that deep voice came from, I've never felt grief in that way. I can so sympathise, like everyone else but you know she told you she was ready.

At the time I couldn't help thinking how wonderful it is that we give our animals such dignified and gentle endings to their brilliant lives, mine went while munching her favourite nibbles while cuddled up to me. Why on earth can't we do the same for people? We all have to go eventually and I want to go with my favourite chocs and my favourite people with me. Doubt it will happen though.

Nothing I can add to this except I have tears in my eyes for you - it still hurts now and I still wonder if I could have done anything differently. You will feel better over time and will always remember her. Only time will help you to grieve, it's still very early days, don't expect too much, just get on with everyday life as best you can and your grief will find its own manageable level after a while.

DS

FreeBear

Had my ginger tom PTS after he had a heart attack one night. I didn't think I'd want another cat as it took a while to get over it. Some will say "just get another cat", but a new one isn't the same.

Ten years on, re-homed a new moggy - This one is 12 years old and is nothing like the ginger tom. But it is nice to have a furball to keep me warm at night and to welcome me home in an evening.

timbo58

The kindest thing any human can do IMHO, pets know when they are cared for & loved and yours was just that.

jrtfan

Oh Aileth - huge hug for you.

I lost my beautiful JRT in April, pts due to cancer. His, too, was very aggressive - it wasn't there last November, when he had to be knocked out for some minor surgery, then it was discovered at the very end of January and by then it was already too late to do anything for him. He lasted 9 weeks after that and would have been 14 years old last month; 16yrs + isn't unusual for a Jack, so I feel that I lost him a little early, too. I got him when he was 9 weeks old, he was my best dog and my best friend, other dogs will be welcomed and loved but none could ever possibly take his place.

I think sometimes, it takes other pet owners to understand how losing a beloved pet can feel like losing a person. The worry and stress and emotion which you must have been feeling since noticing there was something amiss with your cat, has to come out now. I agree with others here, it's natural to react as you are doing, it's distressing for you but if you can just be kind to yourself and not try to push yourself too hard at this early stage then your grief will even itself out in time.

Your husband sounds very supportive, I'm glad you have him there to turn to.

All the best xx

Shrike

Time does heal, it should get better soon. I'd agree with TBagpuss that some sort ceremony will help, I've always found the funeral cathartic when family members have passed.
I'd advise either scattering the ashes somewhere she enjoyed or burying the urn rather than keeping the ashes in the home. You need to let go and cherish the memories.
And whilst you can never 'replace' a pet there are many animals out there needing loving homes - giving another cat the same chance you did her would be a lovely memorial to her.

MissyMoosh

You need to let yourself grieve. A couple of years ago I lost both of my beloved cats within 12 months of each other. Boy1 was only 3 and a bit too adventurous, he ran in front of a car. Boy2 was 20 years old and suffered a stroke, he was suffering so I made the decision to get him PTS as it was kinder than seeing him in pain. The pain was awful at the time. But I just allowed myself to feel sad and eventually it passed. My main source of comfort was knowing that I had both of them from kittens and knew that however long or short their lives were that they were good lives full of treats and hugs. Eventually I started remembering all the good and funny things - like when Boy1 used to push the books off of the book shelves when he was in a grump, or when Boy2 came home covered in red stuff - I thought he was bleeding until I realised he smelled of Italian herbs! Cheeky beggar must have helped himself to someone's bolognese sauce! And you will start to remember the nice stuff too, just let it come.