How to tell husband about debts - terrified!!

chevalier

I hope that you ok, and that you are finding the right moment, for the chat. We will help out when you are ready
chev

teeni

Hi Good luck,

I was in the same boat 2 years ago my o/h only found out about our £50,000 debt (credit cards) when he came home from work early one day and opened the post for the first time in the 24 years we have been married.

He was devastated but not because of the debt but because i felt to frightened to tell him.

He went on and on about how he thought we could tell each other everything and that he could not believe i was frightened of him.

Anyway we discussed various options and took out a mortgage to clear all the debts (had been mortgage free before )

So we are now 2 years in to a 10 year loan and we open the post together every day and all decisions are now made together

He still tells me he feels so guilty that i could have been to scared to tell him and for burying his head in the sand, common sense should have told him we were spending above our means but because i didn't tell him he assumed we weren't.

As I said good luck with what ever you decide to do.

poptart1_2

after 7 mnths of fear, dread and panic I told my hubby about my debt,, not how much.or to who but told him before I did something stupid,
the relief was good, but he cried and said he will support me whatever, I was so surprised as he is no !!!!!cat, 20 stone ex bouncer , I told him about the plan I was putting in place and he sais I was being brave and that he was sorry and that he loved me. He hasnt said that for years,
I know I have a long road to travel , but I will make it to the end of the rainbow .It feels better already,
Dont beat yourself up over this, your health and sanity come first, Its only money.Take care all xxxxxxxxxxxx:o

myrnahaz

It's so much easier to ignore a problem if you are the only one who's aware of it, but a problem really does halve if it's shared. If your partner isn't aware that the debt is at a critical point, then he's not going to curb his spending.

Weemac

Thank you all for your help but I can gladly say that I told my husband this morning before he went off to work that we were having some money problems and that I had contacted CCCS to get help. WOW what a relief!!! He was shocked but we will talk more tonight about the way of getting help. I feel soooo much better after telling him - its like a great weight off my shoulders - I know that this is just the start of a long road but at least we can go through it together and I have started to look at ways of solving it.

Thanks again for all your good wishes and I will keep you posted. I might post a SOA and you can all help us reduce our outgoings.

spud30

Aww well done and good luck tonight. I'm sure it will be fine.

myrnahaz

Good for you, weemac, well done.

rayday2

Well done a problem shared is a problem halved!

poptart1_2

well done, as you probably know I told my oh last week, I tell you what he is a different bloke, much more caring and affectionate towards me, keeps telling me he loves me no matter what. he hadnt said it for years, hes not asking me much ...not how much or to who I owe, still a long road to travel, but its made me more human , more patient of others and one day I want to help others in our situation, I am still living on my nerves, dreading the post and phone ringing but what can they do to me anyway, if i aint got it they cant have it simple as. I think you have done brill, hope it all goes well and you can rest a little easier, there was an item on gmtv today about soaring debt and people in trouble on the increase so we aint alone kid. take care ,let us know how it all goes love ya,

alison999

I dont mean to be rude but surely you TWO should do your finances TOGETHER? My OH cannot not spend mony if we have it, I hate it that I have to be the boring one and say no, you cant have this or that. We lost our house b/c he left everything for me to sort out and, at 21 I couldnt cope, so we sold it before it got repossessed. Now, even though Im the one that physically writes the cheques etc, he knows what our financial position is. Im really not trying to be mean but, if youre in a couple it means you should work as a team. Shame I didnt take my own advise lol