How to tell husband about debts - terrified!!

poptart1_2

hi, i am in exactly the same position as you, but i have no secured debts, i cannot tell my husband at the moment, i am just not strong enough, and i am scared, i have been to docs today and got some sleeping tablets as i havent slept proply for months. i have lost 2 stone in weight and have lost my confidence. you are not alone, keep smiling i am sure we will both pull through. love ya:j

rayday2

To be honest OP partner must know finances are bad they already have a second mortgage so I think they have less to worry about re confiding and more work to do together combating the problem!

Weemac

Thank you all so much for your great advice - I will just have to bite the bullet and speak to him. It is just hard to know how to bring up the subject but I will definately speak to him about our problem and the possible ways of sorting it out - even is this takes 15 years but at least there will be a light at the end of the tunnel (even though it is such a long time!).

In_Search_Of_Me

Just wanted t send a hug! Just fess up & be done with it. Both of you are responsibe for the debt I suspect & you will both need to tackle it to get out of the situation & the sooner you start the better. Yes it will be hard saying the words but from other peoples comments the relief when you do is huge! Keep posting & remember that tackling the debt is the BEST thing you will ever do!

trying-very-trying

Hi, weemac. Congratulations on having your lightbulb moment. I too was like you, had my lbm in June. Terrified to tell hubby, he didn't take it too well. Said that we would manage somehow. I had already searched this site for people in a similar situation, and contacted CCCS. He was horrified at the thought of a debt management plan. It did take him over a week to come round to my way of thinking, that a dmp was the only road for us. If you are anything like me, my husband used to ask me for money, never asked where it came from, just assumed that I would manage, so it is his debt as well. It all came to a sudden stop when I decided enough was enough. We are all assuming that everything else between your hubby and you are fine, and you don't mention if you have children or family living close by for support. By either way, there are people who can help you get through this. Chin up, you can get all the emotional and practical support you need from this site, I'm sure. Good luck. let us all know how you get on.

TonyC

Weemac,

I am too in te sam position, although is not my husaband its my wife. We have ebts o around 45k I have been onto the CCCS today an worked out a plan over about 4 and a half years.

All the debts besides one are in my name, therefore i was very easy to let things slip, my wife has hardly ever beein debt never had cerdit card ec or a loan and is afairly low earner. I am terrified about telling her.

If can get through th next six moths ok, a loan I have fnishes and the £230 a month couldservice other debt.

I have a plan not sure how to follow it through though.

Ta

TC

wilf55

good luck to everyone struggling with this telling is so difficult but speaking from experience you will after the initial anger feel so much better for it it might even be fun saving and clearing debts together ?? seeing what you can save olympic challenge will help for starters

good luck

tallyhoh

I was on the other side of your position. A partner who did not tell me about all his debt, I found out the hard way.

I was angry that he did not tell me & let things get worse. The 2 of us could have worked together to sort it out.

Tell him ASAP or he may be cross if he finds out, secrecy is worse than debt in my book. Besides you will need his support to get through this.

Good Luck.

bowz25

hi
welcome and good luck if you go with cccs. Our plan is for 16 years 10 months so whilst it does seem a long time it is the best thing we could have done, i wish i had done this 3 years ago and my debt would be half the amount it is now.
I too used credit to live and pay bills etc and it soon mounts up, so dont feel guilty.

I did not think i would tell any family member, and i have told both my sisters and they mentioned it to my mum, and they have been great and understand the situation. I was keeping everything inside and its not good.

good luck in what ever you choose to do.

raq

hello and welcome

I told my partner in november last year and SOOOOO glad I did. I couldn'tcope any longer. He actually thought that there was something much more serious wrongwith me. He knew we where £8k in debt but it was actually £11k. We are paying as much as we can and thankfully have now got it down to £8500.00. He was so supportive that everything I looked at him I cried and thanked my lucky stars. He said , it's just not your fault it's both our's. I also recently had another baby and he thought it was post natal depression. He is now in a much better paid job so every friday I pay online towards the debt. That way I know I have actioned it.

Good luck to you and TALK