how to make a life changing decision

elsien

You'll be closer to family; what about friends and your other circles of support?
I guess I'm asking who the move is for - you, your life as a family? If the offer was suddenly withdrawn tomorrow would you be relieved or upset?

Carl31

100 miles is a long way for children, it will take 2/3 hours travel, which will become a burden over time. As the kids get older, they wont be able to just pop and see Dad when they feel like it (at an age they could do). It will probably lead to a very watered down relationship, that may even dissapear in time. The kids may be happy with that, or may ask why you took them away from their Dad

Im just giving the opinion of a Dad that very nearly had this issue set upon him, I wasnt going to go down without a fight, fortunately i didnt have to in the end

double_mummy

i think the move is for a better standard of living for the kids and myself its a more secure home, better schools especially looking forwards to the secondary schools as big one is going into year 4 in september its something ive got to start thinking about, a more family friendly job - they offer flexitime etc so i would be at home with them a bit more, much more family in the area, more support for me as i am quite isolated down here

a couple of friends down here nothing massive to keep us and there is the boyfriend who i have yet to broach the subject with but its nothing serious or long term yet it could go somewhere but wouldnt be the end of the world if he wasnt up for something long distance

will report back either tonight or tomorrow after chat with their dad and possibly boyfriend thanks for all your help so far everyone

Jagraf

I would go xx

My reason would be that most people have life changing circumstances at some point, he may meet someone and move, or a new job etc, I'm sure you can work the logistics out between you hopefully.

Rambosmum

We regularly travel 100miles (Coventry to Manchester) it takes 1.5 to 2 hours and we regularly do it in a day to spend the day with OHs parents. No money on Earth could get me to move back down there.

Sounds to me like your quite excited by the prospect of the move, which is good. The kids will adapt, I moved 75 miles (make little difference when your young) when I was 12, my sibs were 7, 4 and 3 and we all dealt really well with it. We had family elsewhere who we visited regularly.

Speak to dad and if he thinks he can make it work then go ahead.

jackyann

Just a general principle, rather than specifics:

Talk to everyone who will be affected. Say that you are thinking about it, and ask how they think it can be managed.
Don't get into a debate where you take up positions, try to discuss it as "problem solving"

I agree, that if you can, put the kids' names down for school, and take a little longer to decide.

duchy

I do think there are a lot of Dads who do make difficulties when a move like this is broached. They tend to see it in terms of distance they themselves would need to travel and don't always see the benefits - like in this case where the move offers multiple family members for holiday care and better family contact plus flex time and better accomadation at a lower cost so the children will benefit from a higher standard of living .

I'd hope most good Dads would see a bit more travelling for themselves as a small price to pay for the benefits it would bring their children.

Any Dad who allowed a couple of hours travelling lead to him not seeing his children doesn't deserve the title if he allows himself to "water down" his relationship with his children because he doesn't have the commitment to them.

Carl31 wrote: »

100 miles is a long way for children, it will take 2/3 hours travel, which will become a burden over time. As the kids get older, they wont be able to just pop and see Dad when they feel like it (at an age they could do). It will probably lead to a very watered down relationship, that may even dissapear in time. The kids may be happy with that, or may ask why you took them away from their Dad

Im just giving the opinion of a Dad that very nearly had this issue set upon him, I wasnt going to go down without a fight, fortunately i didnt have to in the end

Carl31

duchy wrote: »

I do think there are a lot of Dads who do make difficulties when a move like this is broached. They tend to see it in terms of distance they themselves would need to travel and don't always see the benefits - like in this case where the move offers multiple family members for holiday care and better family contact plus flex time and better accomadation at a lower cost so the children will benefit from a higher standard of living .

I'd hope most good Dads would see a bit more travelling for themselves as a small price to pay for the benefits it would bring their children.

Any Dad who allowed a couple of hours travelling lead to him not seeing his children doesn't deserve the title if he allows himself to "water down" his relationship with his children because he doesn't have the commitment to them.

Well, that told me, im off to take my 'worlds best dad' t-shirt and mug to the charity shop, i only got them yesterday

Corelli

It does sound like too good an opportunity to turn down. the decision though is yours, don't let the forum sway you. I'd be inclined to try with the children staying longer at their dad's. Even if he only has one room, most children find camping in unusual beds rather exciting. Are there issues like shared facilities that would make it harder? As other wise having long weekends with Daddy, sleeping in a blow up bed, or a cushion nest and doing fun things with Daddy sound like a recipe for success. You could do a half ay point handover so the travelling isn't too bad for the parents (2 x 100 miles on both days could be a bit much) and the journey would be broken for the children.

Anatidaephobia

I think it sounds like a very positive move for both you and the kids.

However, in order to maintain their good relationship with their dad; it will require his support to make it work. It will be important that you can communicate well with him in order to discuss it, negotiate and compromise where required.

I moved several times as a kid; kids can adapt and I would say it's better to move when they're young.