Spender OH

ben_m_g

rachy182 wrote: »

After all the bills and food has been paid for do you both have the same personal spends?

That's probably not a fair question (for us), i'm a certified tightwad and spend very little on myself..

So no, OH personal spend is probably double mine.

rachy182

The point was to determine if you had loads of personal spends while she hasn't got two pennies to rub together.

In this case i would probably work with your partner to agree what you both think are reasonable person spends and how that fits in with your budget. Let her know where all your money is going such as holidays that are saved up for and the money doesn't suddenly drop from a tree. Its easy to think you are hard done by when you want something but someone is telling you no and you think you are able to afford it, however if there is no money left then tough luck its not you being mean.

FBaby

Until you compare what you both earn and what you both pay on for essential you won't know whether you have a similar disposable income and therefore whether she is spending more than you on non essentials. It is very easy to forget some costs that are essential but not obvious especially relating to kids.

The only way to be clear is to look at the last 3 to 6 months bank statements and mark what was essential or not. If she is reluctant to do that then she might indeed have some spending she wishes to hide.

itsanne

ben_m_g wrote: »

That's probably not a fair question (for us), i'm a certified tightwad and spend very little on myself..

So no, OH personal spend is probably double mine.

That's not really answering the question (or mine earlier). In conjunction with her being left with childcare and food but no set amount of 'personal' money, it may be that you're needing a bigger talk / think about how the family finances should be organised. It might be that she fritters money away, but it might be that what she spends isn't unreasonable. Like everything else, compromise is probably needed. You don't have to be exactly the same. Like you, my husband spends very little on himself. I'm far from extravagant but do spend more on myself - I'd be horrified if he thought I shouldn't have the odd coffee with a friend!

LannieDuck

ben_m_g wrote: »

Just to be clear, i do earn significantly more than my OH, but we make things fair by my paying all the household and car bills. She is left with childcare and food.

When she needs money, it is always for food shopping. But the problem is where the rest of her money has gone before that point.

Childcare can be a massive cost. I think the PPs were asking whether you both had a similar amount available to spend, after bills come out?

If so, I suggest a two-pronged approach - involve her more in budgeting so she can see that there isn't anything spare, and find something that you need to 'save up for' from your personal allowance (e.g. a new console or a sudden desire to have the latest phone). You don't need to actually buy it, but you won't be able to lend her money for a few months.

duchy

Instead of having "his bills" and "her bills" why not set up a proper family budget where ALL bills come out of a joint bills account and what is over is divided equally into personal spends to be spent or saved as the person thinks fit via a personal account.

Often Mums tend to be the ones who buy clothes for kids, family presents etc and they don't get budgeted for but come out of Mum's pot so make sure you budget for everything . You might both find the final figures interesting and food for thought.

ben_m_g

Sorry I guess I misread the question earlier, yes we both have the same amount of money available to us.

(I also made an incorrect statement earlier, I also contribute to child care costs.)

BarryBlue

My ex-wife was hopeless with money. She never understood that income was finite and that expenditure needed to be controlled to match income. We had bills and a large mortgage and it was a struggle when you first buy a house. Unfortunately she was quite happy to buy more and more clothes on a whim, and impulse-buy pointless bits and pieces for the house.

It became clear that she was never going to change. It was not helped by the fact that her parents had lived in the same way for years and were always skint at the end of the week/month, never learning how to budget. If something cost a tenner and there was £10 in the purse, you could afford it and sod the consequences.

This is largely why she became an ex-wife! Her successor is excellent with money and we are financially safe and sound. Ex-wife is now with a kindred spirit and still skint! My experience is: Once a spendthrift, always a spendthrift.

FBaby

You are contradicting yourself quite a bit on this thread and it is not very clear whether she is spending too much on things that are not necessary, or whether she doesn't budget properly, or you want to increase your savings whereas she is happy with sticking with the budget, or whether there is confusion over who is paying what and with which budget.

Is she impulse buying, or not being economical, or is it just that she really doesn't have enough to pay it all?

FreddieFrugal

Seems strange to me. Me and OH have a joint account that all our income goes into before then being moved into savings.

We had a budget of sorts, but really the budget is just a way of estimating how much we save based on a level of expenditure that we never reach as we are both very frugal and hate spending money.

It must be a very difficult situation to be in. Hope you find a solution.