Biological parents: should I try finding them?

MothballsWallet

Some of you may already know that I am / was adopted at a very young age and got married in 2001.

I've been thinking about finding my biological parents for a number of years and I'm wondering if I should even bother and, if so, how I'd go about it?

(Bear in mind that I was born, adopted and raised in Scotland and have only lived in England for about 15 years.)

pinkshoes

Do you have any details about them? Names? Birth certificate?

The salvation army help people trace family I think.

I know quite a few friends who were adopted (they are in their mid 30s), most of whom have now contacted their birth mother. Some have kept in touch, one found out his mum was sleeping around for drugs, so father unknown. He didnt contact her again, but is pleased he did, as it made him even more grateful for the fantastic upbringing he had from his adoptive parents.

Jagraf

My friend found his birth mother and father, and although he doesn't wish to see hem again he found out he had siblings who he is now lae to. X

Grumpelstiltskin

Have a read of this.


http://www.scottishadoption.org/services/for-adults-who-are-adopted

melanzana

If you feel you would like to know your biological parentage, then yes, of course, try to find out where you came from.

It may not always work out that you are all happy families as a result, but in more cases than not, it is. No one can tell, but I am sure that the Adoption Agency that you may contact about this will counsel you about all this.

A brother of my OH had a child from a brief relationship back in the 70s. Child was adopted .

Child traced them both in the last two years, and that has worked out really well.

The child who is now in his 30s (whom I have met now) said something very telling. When he did not know who his biological parents were, every time he was out and about say in a shopping centre or a football match or whatever, he always wondered if someone there was his mother or father.

He is a lovely lad, and it did work out really well in the end, everyone was happy, and a lot of issues were sorted on all sides.

But that is not guaranteed either, I would just like to say that.

I wish you the best of luck, but be cautious of your expectations.

HeavyMetalFan

My Mother was adopted and never had the slightest curiosity about her birth parents nor any potential siblings. Not in any bitter way I should stress, as far she is concerned she had her adoptive parents and that was it as far as she was concerned.

I appreciate everyone is different so there really is no definitive advice unfortunately.

System

Your library might have a copy of Who Do You Think You Are? Family history is fascinating.

dirty_magic

If you don't have a burning desire to find them I don't think I'd bother tbh. It doesn't sound like you're desperate to meet them, and it could just be a big disappointment.

If it's going to keep playing on your mind though I think you should do it. Even if you don't get on it's not like you'd have to see them again.

Armchair23

I know one of my parents, she walked out on me when I was 6.
I know my biological father has children, so I have half sibs.

I worked out a long while ago though I really feel the need and long to have family around me none of these people gave a to** when it mattered.

So yes I could seek them out but frankly I don't need another round of rejection and I'm not prepared to take those risks.

I've chosen to give it a miss but everyone's choice is personal and you can't know how it will go or how you will feel.

So give it some thought and be prepared for every outcome.

Good wishes whatever you choose to do.

TBagpuss

Do you know the local authority which dealt with your adoption? Many will have processes in place to support/advise adoptees.

I would strongly recommend that you consider some couselling or discussion with a professional first, so thast you are very clear about your hopes and expectations of the search. And be ready to find that your biological family may to want to be contacted, or may not be what you hope for.

Also - discuss it with your wife, and your parents, first .

good luck

try http://www.pac-uk.org/our-service/adopted-adults/

MothballsWallet

pinkshoes wrote: »

Do you have any details about them? Names? Birth certificate?

The salvation army help people trace family I think.

I know quite a few friends who were adopted (they are in their mid 30s), most of whom have now contacted their birth mother. Some have kept in touch, one found out his mum was sleeping around for drugs, so father unknown. He didnt contact her again, but is pleased he did, as it made him even more grateful for the fantastic upbringing he had from his adoptive parents.

I know very little about them - I think I know their surname and I know the reason why they put me up for adoption, but that's about it.