Is my ex seeing someone else?

Delree

1940sGal wrote: »

If you find yourself unable to get over her after a reasonable time has passed you might want to look at finding a job elsewhere. It's extreme I know but if she's in your life everyday you're just going to be putting yourself through hell. Once she's out of your life and you don't see much of her, you'll find yourself feeling better, thinking of her less and less and eventually you'll find someone else.

Either way, a fresh start is definitely needed.

This. Great advice. I've already started but so far no luck, but persistence is the key.

VfM4meplse

Why do you want to know? If it's because you feel the relationship is worth salvaging rather than the pure shock of the news, why not let her know?

At the very least, if she's aware your ex will be sensitive to it.

David301

DUTR

Delree wrote: »

This is a crushing situation for me, but here goes.

We split up in the summer (ages ago I know) but we remain close. Or did until this weekend. She's been very secretive about what she was doing this weekend and when her brother brought it up earlier tonight she shut the conversation down.

I heard that she made out with another guy at a works leaving do in April (yeah we work together) and now my head is full of this.

I know I'm imagining the worst but it's driving my crazy.

She obviously doesn't want to say anything but I need to know. I know I could just ask but I don't think she'd tell me. She's so worried about upsetting people.

I'm going round the bend. Sorry.

They say never mix business with pleasure, I'm not sure why some are biting your head off, if you were female and the ex turned up with his new flame to drop the kids off, then you would be told that you cannot change a situation, but you can change the way you react to a situation. That is still true for you.

I understand your wanting to know as it brings closure to the encounter, chances are you are young and somone much better will come along they always do, in time you will wonder what you were stressing about why have burgers when you can have steak?

Andy_89

Haven't we all dwelled on an ex for too long. The only way I got around it was to surround myself with my mates, work out hard. Start talking to other girls, tinder is a great shout even for a confidence boost.

cherryblossomzel

Spend less time with her. "Remaining close" with an ex you're not over yet is a bad idea (trust me, I have been there). It is possible to be friends with an ex, but only after you've both moved on. It'll be hard for you to stop seeing her, but if you don't do it now, it'll just drag on and on. Have as clean a break as possible.

DKLS

Tut tut fishing off the company pier!

Get yourself on Tinder and within 24hrs you should be bumping ugly and you will soon forget about the ex.

Rambosmum

Unfortunately by 'remaining close' you haven't dealt with the break up thoroughly and in some ways by hanging out with her and her brother and working together, little has actually changed for you and a part of you, whether you ever admitted it or not had hope that she may change her mind. This has taken away this hope and I suspect you feel as though you are going through a breakup all over again.

It's hard but she probably is seeing someone else. And in a way I hope she is. This will allow you to get some 'closure' (horrid american word I know).

You need to distance yourself from her, both physically and emotionally.

Cuilean

Bless you, Delree - you're clearly hurt. Remember that The Killers song, "Mr Brightside"? That's your situation to a tee. I think it probably hurts even more because she's beaten you in the moving on game. Whether you were hoping she'd change her mind and come back, or that you'd be the first to have someone new on your arm, this has really knocked you for six and you're right back where you were at the start of the painful breakup.

You've had some good advice here. You really need to do everything you can to get closure. Changing jobs is obvious, but not easy. Can you transfer departments in the meantime? Maybe take up a new hobby, or hit the gym. Get out there and meet new people, which will help you fill the hole in your heart. Your ex and those memories belong in your past.

It definitely hurts just now, but it will start to hurt less as you move away from the situation. Time and distance will help, and you'll look back on where you are now and be grateful you gave yourself a chance to grow.

SandC

The best way to get over someone is to drop all contact with them. Seriously it is. If there are no children involved then this can be done. I would agree with the advice that if you are still struggling then looking for a new job would be an excellent idea.

Out of sight is not necessarily out of mind but it's a hell of a lot better than having their happy new life shoved in your face on a regular basis. Sounds like she knows how you feel, hence why she is being evasive rather than keeping you informed of what's going on in her personal life. Believe me, you wouldn't welcome her involving you in any more than just finding out what she's up to.