one day at a time

TallGirl

Hope everything is ok?

Skinnylatte

TallGirl wrote: »

Hope everything is ok?

Me too, hope all is quiet xx

safehouse

Hello everyone xx
Wow so much kindness and support on this site Thankyou so much x

Not sure were to start........
OH still not moved back in staying with a friend after his mother kicked him out.
Still playing the victim and moaning to anyone prepared to listen to him.
Van repaired but he still not going to work most days (he needs a driver so now has the perfect excuse) oh and yes he is still drinking.
He has an appointment to look at a flat next week...........problem is its only around the corner from myself and DS....still as long as he doesn't move back in with me, I would settle for that right now.
House getting valued on Friday next week and put up for sale as soon as (not sure how I feel about that, wont allow myself to think about it to much).
Still sorting out letters and throwing out clutter and wrapping up ornaments, picture frames etc so my head knows I am moving out but my heart wants me to stay.
Not told OH I am putting house up for sale, but then haven't told anyone....feels strange like its not me but me looking from the outside and watching someone else do all these things...........
Cant sleep in the bedroom even with him gone....have slept on the sofa for roughly 6 years now due to his problem and getting into a bed felt to weird.
There are days when I feel like I am drowning and then there are days when I feel yes I am moving on and things are going to be so much better.
Today I am having a bad day.... blubbering and totally getting on my own nerves. My poor dog keeps looking at me like I have lost the plot Lol.
Upside I am down to my perfect body weight Lol size 12 clothes are actually loose on me.
DS has been my absolute rock, he has stepped up to being the man of the house and bless keeps following and sitting around me (keep having to tell him to go out or play on his video games). Its not easy having to put on a brave face to him and my beautiful DMama when all I want to do is scream my bl@@dy head off.
I know deep down that things will get easier, its the fear of change and the unknown that I cant seem to handle, but I will get there I promise.
Will try and update lots sooner, hope I am not getting on everyone's nerves....Oh no here's that moaning woman again HaHa...... but truly does really help me to throw all my emotions.
Hope all you lovely people have a lovely weekend....God Bless x

maddiemay

Just catching up after a while without internet, sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes. You are continuing to go through turbulent times, but it will all get better and you and DS will be happy.
Take care.
MM xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Sending hugs and support Xx

TallGirl

Hugs I'm glad you've stayed strong and he's finding a new place to live poss the right thing to do selling it will be hard but you'll be able to choose where you go next and DS is right behind you which is great good on him I knew he would be fine and support you.

I hope he agrees to sell I presume he wants the money and you can both move on. I'm sure you'll be able to make a home anywhere as you'll have your DS and your lovely doggy. You might have to move into rented until your find your perfect place but keep at it and I'm sure one will come along.

I know you things are hard but trust me you'll get there and soon you'll see that being without that lovely home is worth it for th peace of mind and hopefully a nice place with lots of peace and no walking on egg shells. Take care thanks for the update

DrSpendLittle

Just catching up. Sending hugs. My dad was an alcoholic and so I can empathise completely with your situation. However, I didn’t really ever know what my mum went through during that time, as she gracefully and admirably tried to keep everything ‘normal’ for us kids. You sound like you’re doing the same. Your diary gives me some insight into the situation from the mothers perspective and I just wanted to say thanks, however crass it may sound, for making me realise how important us kids were to my mum in helping her get through the challenges. By sharing your story, I’m now able to better appreciate that and I wanted to thank you.

As the child of an alcoholic, I wouldn’t change my upbringing for the world. It has given a particular set of life skills that have enabled me to achieve everything I have. It’s also given me the greatest respect, love and admiration for my mother that I am spiritually capable of holding. She got us through it and enabled us to come out the other end successfully (okay, maybe not in terms of money management!!!). Sure, I’ve had tough times getting to this point and it’s taken me time to arrive at this peaceful position but I got here and I genuinely couldn’t be any more content with my life, despite the childhood experiences I endured. Well, maybe except for being debt free!! :rotfl:

My dad did the same as your husband but was banned from driving 3 times. He nearly got put in jail the last time but the judge must have been feeling lenient that day. My parents eventually divorced, which I was glad about as my mum deserved a better life and my father was clearly never going to change.

It took me time and maturity to realise that my dad was ill and battling a disease and demons. I never hated him but I did got through the phase of blaming myself for his illness, which is very common in children of alcoholics. However, I learned to empathise with his situation overtime, once my own self esteem grew and was less contingent on my childhood experiences.

Anyway, I just wanted to pass on my best wishes and my admiration of how resilient and strong you have clearly been through all this.

Skinnylatte

What an insightful post DrSpendLittle xx

I hope you've had a few better days since your last post SH, you brave lady, thoughts are with you and DS xxx

System

Hi Safehouse,

Was doing something work related that made me think of you . Hope you are ok ?

safehouse

What lovely messages from everyone Big Thankyou. Dr Spend your post really hit a nerve with me your Mother sounds like a very strong special lady and I really can associate with everything you wrote. When you are caught up in this life and way of living you really cannot see just how badly you are being treated....its a gradual process, I myself lost sight of who I was and how important my life was, you put this protective blanket around your children but there comes a point when you can do no more....instead being so consumed with their hurtful daily antics and believing you can help/ change them. I think that is what your Mum probably done also. We all want to cling on to hope, but its good that you have not been affected by your past to badly....one of my worse fears with DS x
OH has now moved into his own place yes I still cant believe it. I actually had the strength and wouldn't give in and let him stay even one night and its paid off.
I am putting the house up for sale after Xmas I need a couple of months to exhale and get myself put back together physically and mentally.
So much has happened in such a short space of time but I can see now Tall Girl why you are so happyx
I have been living on thin ice for so long its difficult and wonderful all at the same time, I know I am rambling and not making much sense but my point is myself and DS are happier than we have ever been.
Financially I am back to cleaning 2 jobs again and also running by online bag business, this is just about keeping me afloat.
I gave OH £10K from my mortgage savings, I have sliced my savings into three he still has £15K left but I will wait until he has become desperate financially before I give him the rest. Then he has a share in the equity of our property, for all he has done to us, I cant deny how hard he has worked over the years and I really couldn't keep his cut of the savings and also I can walk away with a clear concience.
My savings are now down to roughly £50K but never mind I was saving to buy the house and now that we are moving house the money can be for our future mine and DS.
Soooo much more has happened but have to rush out to work....Thanks again all you lovely people and will update again soon xxxx