one day at a time

TallGirl

Glad to hear you've taken a step back just stick with it don't go back to how it was before enjoy life as it is it's the new business sounds fun and glad you love it. Keep posting though

please-let-me-be-lucky

Wowzers!

Hope all going well Xx

safehouse

Hello everyone....been a while.
Well here goes..... get prepared.....this is not easy to write but maybe it will help.
I will start with the BAD................
OH has blown our lives into misery of the worst kind this last 4 weeks.
Crashed van under the influence (luckily no one was hurt).
Court appearance next week and looking at a 3 or more year ban for sure community service maybe even prison (which my poor DS is in a state over).
OH totally on a poor me pity party since it happened.
Smashed up van is parked on the drive as a constant reminder of the sh*t he has caused.
Solicitors cash to find (his problem)
Business is now on a downward spiral as I always expected............he has made next to nothing the last 3 weeks.
He is in major denial even now still drinking...........I hope they throw the book at him.
Nosy neighbors awkward questions and almost tripping over when they walk past the house....I am sure they will know the full story soon enough "bound to be in local newspaper".
I want the ground to swallow me up....I really do.
I am sick of feeling angry, then sad .....my mind is like a toyshop at the moment, I cant focus, I cant sleep, I cant eat and have this sinking feeling and knot in my stomach that just wont go away.
Worrying about DS mental health and how this is affecting him.

GOOD
I have finally kicked OH out the night it happened.
I refuse to help him with solicitor cash support and he can go to court on his own.
It has been heaven the last month no tip toeing around............being able to be myself is a new exciting concept.
Financially, my little business is just about making enough to cover bills on my own (had to go back to part time cleaning which I hate but I am managing).
DS starts University soon and said he will chip in out of his student loan (but wont take much from him).
Need to cut back everything, direct debits everything needs to be addressed.....
Have lost a stone in weight, but my IBS is really playing up probably due to stress.
I worry he will just push himself back into the house when the court appearance is done..............I wont go back to living like that.
He is finally going to AA but I think it is more to help himself and the up coming case.
I feel drained writing all of this, hoping something good will come from it for myself and DS.
I suppose something already has really..... I will NEVER go back to my old life.
I am looking at houses and flats to rent and thank goodness diary I managed to look to the future and save save save
I have been acting quite strange in that after it happened I started packing putting all my own personal things that I love in one room, I have emptied all the sideboards and thrown out bags and bags of rubbish...........I don't know why I am doing this, I have even taken pictures/clocks off the wall...........the house looks so bare....maybe I am finally going mad Lol
Will update when I can xxxx

Flying_By

Safehouse, I don't know quite what to say. My heart goes out to you and your DS. What a dreadful time you have been having. My immediate feeling is that perhaps what has been happening is another step in an 'end game' that has been playing out between you and your OH for a long time, and all that is happening now will ultimately leave you and DS stronger and in a better situation than you have been. I am sure it won't be easy, and the timing couldn't have been much worse, what with DS starting university. But hopefully it will be the fresh start he needs and will give him something to focus on apart from what you are both going through. Stay strong. xx

Skinnylatte

SH, I am soso sorry for what has happened, brought tears to my eyes to read the first part of your post, then I felt like you had turned a MASSIVE corner shen I read the rest, especially the part "It has been heaven the last month no tip toeing around............being able to be myself is a new exciting concept." You have a bright future ahead of you now, and I'm sure it will be lots of ups and downs, but the millstone has gone, and you can concentrate on getting your life together, for both you and DS.
SOD the neighbours, who gives a t@ss what they think. Please keep posting

System

Safe house I have always read your thread with interest and thought how well you coped with OH. I hope you now find the strength to start a new chapter in your life for you and DS .
As skinnylatte says there will be ups and downs but hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel which is waiting for you .
Keep posting , we are here to help.

maddiemay

I have been wondering how you were. Tough times, but hopefully the beginning of a great new life for you D's and your dog. As others have said keep posting we will all be here to support you.
MM
xxx

fay66

ive just read this seems a selfish man for what he has done, drinking is awful, I have been with a former binge drinker for 6 years and left the situation but no kids xxx

TallGirl

Wow wow wow what a change horrible as it is it is certainly reading like a happier safehouse than the one just putting up with things. Maybe this was what needed it happen for you to be ready to do something. My DH got done for drink driving about two months after I left him. I thOught it would make him see he had hit rock bottom but I didn't. His 91 year old dad started picking him up and taking him to work even though it was miles out of his way. He also started getting taxis everywhere so no penalty really.

I fewr your Dh won't see the court case and loosing his van bottom and stop he is still drinking it he had seen it as a reason to change he would have stopped by now. Please don't go back to your old life, sell the house or stay in it until it sellls. Don't go back to living with him it's not fair. I know you worry out DS but he will take strength from you and your decisions for your life. I think he will be pleased actually and stay strong for you.

All the best please keep posting. As you know I'm so much happier now without my dh life couldn't be more different and I yours will continue to get better.

PS sod the neighbours .

please-let-me-be-lucky

Echoing what everyone else has said and sending massive hugs. It is YOUR time now (and DS's) and it seems perfectly reasonable to have left OH over this as he has made no effort to change.

Focus on the 'Good' part of your list above, and I know it's hard, but please try to eat and take care of you Xx