one day at a time

safehouse

Oh Thank you Scot and welcome to my chaotic world.... very nice of you to give such lovely comments (pulled at my heart strings) .....but I don't see myself as either of those things, more like someone trudging though life trying to make the best out of a very bad situation whilst rambling and throwing out all my emotions along the way. I tend to forget people are actually reading my posts, for me this is much more than a diary but more like an emotional crutch. Good Luck with you journey Scot, I will keep on keeping on and I hope you do to Xx

safehouse

Have listed quite a few items on Teabay.....found a fab designer bag on carbooty last Sunday for £5 :T.....usually sell for around £80 fingers crossed.... mine has plenty of people watching but no bids as yet.

Wages inc overtime paid into bank account this morning and lovely surprise....a fair bit more than I had expected.:D
Have paid a good chunk into my mortgage savings, which always makes me happy .....:D:D
Very tempted to order a food shop online at the moment, maybe its because I'm hungry, better eat something quick Lol........;)
Beautiful day today....... hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine. I just couldn't sit still, started pulling up a few weeds and before I knew it was red faced and mowing both front and back lawns.....
All showered and enjoying the rest now though... time for a nice cuppa me thinks, will have to be black coffee as no milk and no energy to go out and buy some.

CC 1,600 Mortgage 73,010 / 26,990 EF 0

safehouse

Ohhhh just put my red sore puffed up feet on the sofa, cuppa brewed and fan blowing ....Heaven :D. Sorry to have done a disappearing act for a while, but have got myself another part time cleaning job....I know must be mad?? and with the house, naughty OH roller coaster antics and running the main business as well as my regular job not forgetting sells on Teabay... I am totally shattered..........the job isn't permanent only for a couple of months..if I last that long Lol..Thank goodness.
OH has been better lately, usual problem still lurking and popping up every now and then but better "I will probably be eating my words by tomorrow" :eek:
Good news....DS has found a university degree he wants to apply for September this year ........he will have to get the train every day if accepted ....but fingers crossed this could be the start of good times to come, he certainly deserves them.
My mortgage as suffered a blow but my cc and secret holiday in December are paid in full inc spends..............Yep holiday still a secret from OH mainly because he has been doing so well lately I just haven't found the right time or the guts to tell him "not for 6 months so not going to worry"
Had a very nice surprise cheque for £20 third prize on the hospice today...first win in 6 years :T.
Off to the carbooty tomorrow looking for bargains to sell ...have been enjoying my new found del boy hobbie, love the shopping just hate the listing and posting
Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine and will try and update a bit more often promise

please-let-me-be-lucky

Good to have you back and sounding mostly positive Xx

safehouse

Thanks Lucky, hope you and your lovely family are doing ok, sorry not had anytime to catch up on all you good people x
I'me afraid I am not sure how long my optimism will last in fact feel like i have already had another one of those familiar kicks in the guts to be honest "did say I would eat my words, did not expect it to be so quickly ?" more bl**dy angry than anything this morning ...............
OH sloped:mad::mad: out of the bedroom about 6am this morning still looking intoxicated, even had the cheek comment on how miserable I looked this morning :mad: wanting a reaction I suspect, bit my tongue as usual.........I am keeping as quiet as possible at the moment, don't want to wake him ...let him sleep it off for as long as possible, but hating myself for allowing myself to do this... tip toeing around my own home:mad:
Alcoho:mad:lism some people believe to be an illness a disease. I am not sure what my stance is as regards to this belief, maybe because I/we are living it..............what about the family's of the alcoholic do they have/share this disease ?, because in my opinion the alcoholic has it much, much better he is in this false bubble of security & happiness protecting him with every sip.......whilst we have to change the way we think, the way we feel, the way we behave, the way we plan.....everything changes for the families, yet nothing changes for the alcoholic ....he just lives this happy selfish, selfish life:mad:.
Sorry again people for the Rant of the month, I am just really trying to make sense of it all again:(
Funny how now all my guilt as regards to my secret savings/holiday have disappeared so quickly. Moan over and out....feel slightly better after throwing all my rubbish into my diary this morning .
Will update later, hope to get to the carbooty today without argument.............Please?
Have a lovely Sunday everyone ....:)

TallGirl

Hugs totally agree the alcoholic does have it easier when the family protect them. Sorry to say this maybe it is time you did remove yourself from the toxic environment and made your own space to live free of the oppression from alcohol. I know it's hard but it's oyur life and oyur sanity at stake. I'm sure oyur DS would support you all the way. Feel free to rant on here I know it really does help when you have no one else to share it with.

safehouse

Thankyou Tallgirl......I know your right but I just dont have the strength, not yet...I envy you, one day I will go, maybe when DS fly's the nest x
Enjoyed my carbooty and so far no arguments although OH has been secretly drinking since I came home, well the silly bu**er thinks its a secret....I know him to well Lol.
found a lovely red leather bag today only £2 was going to re-sell but like it to much to sell.
Didn't come home with much else..hmm except for very sore sunburn across my shoulders and chest.
Wish it would get dark, I am ready for my bed...night night xx

TallGirl

You'll get the strength one day I know just keep posting your thoughts and do things for you. I'm sure DS would come with you where ever you went.

safehouse

I will Tallgirl.....I am always grateful for your comments ....you are a true inspiration "a happy ending" . Without this diary I really would have believed that no one else in the whole world could have been going though even a similar situation.... I was far to wrapped up in all the negativity. Anyway what I am trying to say is I do feel stronger mentally than I when I first started my Diary ....even if I am using it for more than my debt/mortgage problems.......Big Babble over Lol x
Had a phone call this morning and one of my jobs has had a terrible leak ....not so terrible for me because I now have most of the day to myself and still getting paid :T...Happy days, Plan now is to mow both font back lawn, clean car, clean house (properly)....do some washing....take my molly moo for an extra long walk, help DS with Uni application, pick up parcels and pay few invoices then Chill if I have any time left haha
Right then second PG tippys on the horizon and get some work done ......:D

safehouse

All work done and dusted..................:T
front garden lawn cut
back garden lawn cut
Conservatory windows cleaned inc frames
patio swept and cleaned.
garden furniture washed
washing done and drying
2 trees cut back
house cleaned, polished, vacuumed and mopped
DS application finished...awaiting reference
mollymoo not walked but she has been in the garden with me most of the day and is flat out with the heat.
Tea cooked (curry)
parcels picked up.
prescription picked up.
Whew time for well deserved sleepy.........................:D