Surrounded by "Big spenders"

Carl31

quantic wrote: »

Sometimes I feel surrounded by people who live faux celebrity lifestyles all funded by interest only mortgages, balloon payment cars and credit cards.

We don't spend much as a family, we have quite modest tastes, buy food in Aldi, drive a 7 year old car and try to save a proportion of our wages. We come from a "lower/middle class" background (if there is such a thing).

The daft thing is, a lot of the people I know are on the absolute bones of their a*rses, one small unexpected expense and it would be curtains. But to the outside they are high flyers who have it all. Is it just me or do you guys feel pressure occasionally from being surrounded by this?

I sort of see your point, im not massively fussed about people spending more on things, its more when i see people adopting this 'middle class' attitude suddenly, sort of poor mans upper class that people try to do these days

N1AK

quantic wrote: »

Sometimes I feel surrounded by people who live faux celebrity lifestyles all funded by interest only mortgages, balloon payment cars and credit cards.

Is it just me or do you guys feel pressure occasionally from being surrounded by this?

A little I think it's pretty much impossible not to have some desire to 'keep up with the Joneses', we're social creatures after all.

It has perplexed me in the past when friends with comparable incomes have had larger houses, two brand new cars etc, but as you say the lifestyle you see is often a poor proxy for the finances of a household.

As much as possible I try to avoid considering finances in the context of other people. We have the cars we have because it makes sense for us in the wider context (we value having more savings higher than a more expensive car); the cars other people drive, and what that means about them, their finances, etc is something we should try and ignore as much as possible.

N1AK

ging84 wrote: »

I find people who get wound up by other people spending on credit annoying, it's a pretty pathetic form of jealousy.

What's actually pathetic are the comments on here like yours accusing someone of being jealous, insecure, having no achieved much etc. He didn't insult the people he referred to, he didn't claim they were bad people, he didn't begrudge them having the things.

He's clearly trying to be careful with money (hardly unreasonable), and finds it tempting at times to spend more due to peer pressure (again hardly a criminal offence).

I know the Debate board seems to bring out the worse in posters, but even by its low standards some of the responses to the OP are shameful.

quantic

caronoel wrote: »

Doesnt really sound like your financial position is all that much to crow about.

Personally, I've always seen life as being for enjoying.

Not much point in being the richest corpse in the graveyard.

caronoel wrote: »

Good point.

But the OP has already stated the he knows for a fact that the only reason people around him live better than he does is that they have overstretched themselves borrowing.

Sounds like the only thing overstretched is the OP's sense of jealousy and small minded begrudging of the success of others.

Still, at least he has £19,000 in the bank. Whoo! Hoo!

In the words of Yeats:

"What need have you, being come to sense,
But fumble in a greasy till
And add the halfpence to the pence
And prayer to shivering prayer, until
You have dried the marrow from the bone"

Illustrating my financial position was not meant to be a brag, I am fully aware that most people SIGNIFICANTLY better off than me. I don't even earn that much, around about national average. I save up each month with the intention of paying my mortgage off in my 30's. Not for the hell of it, not to take it with me. I want to be around more when my kids are growing up rather than in the rat race.

My point was, these people I'm talking about and these things they are buying irresponsibly, I could afford to buy them so I'm pretty confused as to why you would think I'm jealous. I can only assume you are this type of person perhaps and have took offence - if that is the case then I am sorry to have offended you it was not my intention.

quantic

N1AK wrote: »

What's actually pathetic are the comments on here like yours accusing someone of being jealous, insecure, having no achieved much etc. He didn't insult the people he referred to, he didn't claim they were bad people, he didn't begrudge them having the things.

He's clearly trying to be careful with money (hardly unreasonable), and finds it tempting at times to spend more due to peer pressure (again hardly a criminal offence).

I know the Debate board seems to bring out the worse in posters, but even by its low standards some of the responses to the OP are shameful.

Thank you! That is literally all I was saying! Quite amazing that it gets twisted into my looking like I am having a rant. All I'm actually doing is being responsible for a while so that I can pay off the house over my kids heads and its takes an incredible amount of discipline when everyone else around me is going bonkers with their spending haha.

:beer:

lisyloo

You're doing the right thing. It's well known and it's called deferred gratification.
Just make sure that you have the right balance for the now.
I think I'm a little older than you (nearly 47) and a few of my colleagues and friends have died. That starts to happen as you get older and obviously it makes you think.
You need a balance between planning for the future, coningency in case something bad happens (usually insurance but savings are useful too) and making sure you enjoy yourself now and don't defer everything.

wotsthat

lisyloo wrote: »

You're doing the right thing. It's well known and it's called deferred gratification.
Just make sure that you have the right balance for the now.
I think I'm a little older than you (nearly 47) and a few of my colleagues and friends have died. That starts to happen as you get older and obviously it makes you think.
You need a balance between planning for the future, coningency in case something bad happens (usually insurance but savings are useful too) and making sure you enjoy yourself now and don't defer everything.

Deferred gratification can be used to mask a fear of failure or even just laziness - it's easier to daydream about the future.

In a conversation at work two of us were explaining what we'd do once the drudge of work was behind us. This was followed by a dawning realisation that we could do 95% of the things we listed right now. We were deferring things which didn't require particularly big inputs of time or money - we'd just spent so long living in the future we'd forgotten about the present which is the only space we'll ever occupy.

The other thing I'd note from this thread is that there seems to be an attitude there's something wrong with accumulating money for it's own sake. I don't - it's something I enjoy and if I drop dead tomorrow I wouldn't think it a waste at all. A hobby I enjoyed that generated a nice pot for the heirs - they'll enjoy spending it more than I ever did!

michaels

I'm putting an extra 53k in my pension this year, it will 'cost' 21k of disposable income this year and I can't get it back for a minimum of 10 years. Living sensibly I have plenty of savings to support living costs for the year. DW would rather we spent the money on two years depreciation of a high end 4x4. I can't help thinking we will get more utility from 53k (plus any capital growth) in 10 years time.

Even if I don't live to benefit from it DW and the DKs will and that is a lot of what motivates me, I don't see life as a book where I don't care what happens after the last page has turned.

wotsthat

quantic wrote: »

Thank you! That is literally all I was saying! Quite amazing that it gets twisted into my looking like I am having a rant. All I'm actually doing is being responsible for a while so that I can pay off the house over my kids heads and its takes an incredible amount of discipline when everyone else around me is going bonkers with their spending haha.

I don't much care what other people spend their money on. I'm happy enough trying to increase my savings rate whilst they spend to keep the economy going and fund the government. Someone needs to - let them do it and we can hitch a free ride.

The only pressure I struggle with is second-hand from the kids who seem to suffer unduly from peer pressure.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

People can spend their money on whatever they want, but it does annoy me when the big earners/spenders' casual attitude impacts on others. Just this week I've been asked to pay the balance for a large group holiday later this year. I transferred it to the organiser within 5 minutes of receiving the email- the least I could do after someone else has incurred expense and time. Another member of the group, who earns a big London salary, has to wait until payday until they can pay £150! This is when I think I'm justified in judging other people's financial habits.