Angry at myself

FBaby

In my case, like you OP, I'd been dating for some time after separating and was very self aware of what I was looking for in a partner. When you know and then you meet the person who answers all your wishes, you've already done 80% of the walk towards falling in love.

I have an email that I keep close to my heart which I wrote to my best friend at the time the second I came home after my first date with OH and I told her that I had finally met the man i was going to marry. 5 years later, we did!

Good luck OP and don't beat yourself up for listening your instinct. Even if he doesn't develop feelings as quickly as you, he most likely still value the fact that you are genuine, honest and say things as they are. These are great qualities, so don't feel you have to keep quiet just because he might not feel exactly the same at the exact same time.

neneromanova

jaylee3 wrote: »

Maybe it *is* a personal thing, I just know that if a man I was dating told me he loved me after 4 weeks, you would not see me for dust.

Yeah but she knew him at school so probably had developed feelings then. Same for OH and I, we worked together for 2 years so knew each other then got together

trixini

neneromanova wrote: »

Yeah but she knew him at school so probably had developed feelings then. Same for OH and I, we worked together for 2 years so knew each other then got together

I wish I had of knew what a lovely man he would be back then. He was a bit older than me and I just knew him, didn't fancy him one bit! Now I'm like a love sick 15 year old!

Errata

Perhaps you need to settle down and hold your horses for a while, you were posting about doing a pregnancy test a couple of months ago.

jayII

jaylee3 wrote: »

I think he is right that you can't know you love someone after 4 weeks. There is food in my fridge that has been there longer than 4 weeks!

Hopefully you haven't scared him away, but to be honest, if a man I was dating told me he loved me after 4 weeks, I would run a mile. Maybe he is different. (Hopefully he is.)

I have to ask, what were you thinking?! Saying the L word after 4 weeks?!

Play it cool now, and don't hound him or hassle him. Maybe he will calm down and cool off and realise it was a heat of the moment thing, and that you're not already picking out wedding dresses!

It's very individual.

I knew almost instantly and said the words after a couple of weeks, as did OH. We've been together for 25 years this year and are still extremely happy together.

I'd had other long/serious relationships before meeting him, but I'd never felt the way I did, almost at first sight, with OH. We both just 'knew'.

jen1301

Try not to worry. People feel things at different times.

I met my now hubby in the Dec and he told me he was 'completely in love with me' in the March. My reply was to laugh slightly and ask if I'd heard right ha! I did then straight away tell him that I loved him too.

I remember a few weeks before on valentines day realising that I had really fallen for him but I wasn't 100% sure if he felt the same.

We've now been together for over 3 years, married for 18 months and we've just had out first baby!

You were honest about your feelings and although his feelings aren't 100% the same as yours just yet it sounds like they are nearly there or he wouldn't have tried to reassure you like he did.

Just give him time to realise it It sounds as though you just caught him by surprise.

mogwai

If he has never been in love before he is probably thinking it through too and wondering if it's possible to love someone so soon. It is, my Oh and I fell in love with each other after 3 weeks (at the same moment we both realised, found out when I questioned him later)

System

I can understand being so overcome with the feelings you end up letting them out. Its happened to me in the past, though it happened far too soon with my ex and i realized i didn't feel the same. I'm starting to feel like that now about the bf, but i'm feeling catious this time and don;t want to say it yet even if i am feeling it. I guess personally there;s no rush this time and we;ve taken our time with other things so makes sense to just go with the flow this time.

He hasn't done a runner, he's still with you, i'd hedge my bets that if he's never been i love before he may just have been surprised and need a bit if time to process it. I'm sure he'll come to his own conclusions given time.

jaylee3

makeitstop wrote: »

Well, I guess that it may depend on the individuals in question, how much of the time (of the four week period) they spent in each others company and the experiences you had together within that timeframe.

The statement that you would run a mile if someone told you they loved you after knowing you for a month says more about you than it does about the person saying it. It comes across as a black and white rule you would live by, no matter what. If you met what appeared to be the perfect partner that you were besotted with, you would run your mile if they told you they loved you.?...regardless of the fact that there was completely nothing else to suggest there was anything but happiness ahead.?

Well done.

I would not think that someone was the 'perfect partner' after knowing them for 28 days!

I think it VERY odd that someone says they are IN LOVE after 28 days.

It smacks of desperation, trying to be accepted and loved by anyone, rather than be alone. An 'any man is better than no man' kind of woman.

And yes I WOULD run a mile if someone said they LOVE ME after 28 days.

If you have a problem with that, and you think 'it says more about me blah blah yada yada yada....' then that is *your* problem.

I have more respect for myself than to think that I am in LOVE after knowing someone less than a MONTH.

Some people need to grow up, and leave their teenage mentality.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Just chill. Took mine a year (and a lot of beer) to get around to saying it. Tells me every day now.