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Single and pregnant... Never felt so down

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Hi everyone really looking for some advice,

I'm feeling so low and miserable and not sure where to turn next. A bit of back ground, I met my ex about 7 years ago and had our little girl 4 years later. during that pregnancy it turned out that he been cheating on m throughout I didn't find out till last summer Understandably I was devastated and threw him out and eventually moved in with my parents for a couple for support, I had PND and took a turn for the worse and he became more supportive than ever and promised he would change I didn't believe him. But he was there for the his kid

In November he dropped her back after having her for the weekend as I was away working. He put her to bed and we ended up chatting and he promised he had changed this time I did believe him and he asked if we could give things another go, I wasn't 100% sure obviously because of what happened but agreed to take things slow! we went out a few times over Xmas, my parents had our daughter they weren't happy understandably because of the way he treated me before but I assured them I thought he had changed and grown up a lot.

Anyway in January, I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon I thought this could be our second chance was so excited naively thinking everything would be ok, we could be a proper family again, when I told him he went ballistic telling me I need to get rid of it it wasn't the reaction I was expecting :'(. I told him I wasn't but he then got his mum involved (yes his mum) who I then had calling me every name under the sun demanding me to have an abortion I was devastated! I told him to do one! This was a few months ago now, he isn't ecstatic but has agreed he will support his kids! And his mum I haven't heard from since

How I could I be so stupid as to think he had changed I feel like an absolute tit! I feel so down as I already have issues at work (that's another story) but now the worry of him demanding me to get rid have gone away I'm starting to look forward to having another little girl and a sister for our daughter

My main concern now is that I'm a single mum and I'm pregnant- do I need to phone tax credits now to let them know I'm pregnant? What will they say or do because I'm having a baby with ******** of an ex, I'm so embarrassed to explain the situation to them and have them judge me when I already have taken a load of flack off family and friends.

I work 24 hours a week I claim a little wtc and obviously ctc for my older girl, we manage fine so stupidly I considered just not adding the new baby to the my claim I already have. For many reasons but main reason being is the obvious... I guess as I've read some right horror stories on here just before posting. I have no connection to him other than our daughter and this new baby.

I have absolutely no plans of getting back with him ever even if he was the last man on this earth especially after his recent antics regarding this baby . I'm genuinely gutted but also feel so bloody stupid!

Friends are telling me not to worry as they are more than aware there are all sorts of families, situations and that life isn't all that black and white, but I'm just an all round worrier about everything anyway!

I feel so down and stressed and have been signed off work with depression because of trouble there and this is just adding to it . I start counselling next Week so hoping to clear my head a little.


Thankyou so much in advance
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  • highhopes19
    highhopes19 Posts: 90 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    Hi thankyou so much for replying, it was already a single claim as he moved out (well I threw him out) back to his mums house x
  • mum2one
    mum2one Posts: 16,279 Forumite
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    I would check as to whether you need to notify them when ur on maternity leave, and def when you have had the baby, and things can be adjusted from there.

    It should be pretty easy to sort.

    Have you contacted the csa to obtain support for your daughter and then adjusted for when the new baby arrives.

    As for what happened, ur not the first and you certainly wont be the last to have an idiot of an ex/childs father, I bet if you ask others there is always a horror story or two xx
    xx rip dad... we had our ups and downs but we’re always be family xx
  • Icequeen99
    Icequeen99 Posts: 3,775 Forumite
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    Hi thankyou so much for replying, it was already a single claim as he moved out (well I threw him out) back to his mums house x

    You need to make sure there is evidence to back this up. If he is still using your address for anything financial or his work, driving licence etc. then if they were to investigate the claim it could cause problems.

    However this will be the case now, even without adding the baby to the claim.

    IQ
  • highhopes19
    highhopes19 Posts: 90 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    mum2one wrote: »
    I would check as to whether you need to notify them when ur on maternity leave, and def when you have had the baby, and things can be adjusted from there.

    It should be pretty easy to sort.

    Have you contacted the csa to obtain support for your daughter and then adjusted for when the new baby arrives.

    As for what happened, ur not the first and you certainly wont be the last to have an idiot of an ex/childs father, I bet if you ask others there is always a horror story or two xx

    Hi thankyou so much for your reply, I just feel so stupid for believing him :'( I'm gutted I genuinely thought this might be a new fresh start for us as a family... But clearly not!

    The only thing that connects him to the house come to think about it is sky but I pay it and it's on my bank statements to prove this the direct debit is to my bank account.

    I was so worried that I was gonna be investigated and thrown in prison for something I really haven't done.. Only thing I've done is be a gullible fool!

    Obviously both my daughter and new little girl will have their dads surname. CSA aren't involved as he's never not provided for her,As such so CSA wasn't needed. I buy her all the stuff she need... But say if I said to him she needed new trainers without a second thought he would take her out and get them for her if that makes sense.

    Xx
  • highhopes19
    highhopes19 Posts: 90 Forumite
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    Icequeen99 wrote: »
    You need to make sure there is evidence to back this up. If he is still using your address for anything financial or his work, driving licence etc. then if they were to investigate the claim it could cause problems.

    However this will be the case now, even without adding the baby to the claim.

    IQ

    Thankyou ice queen, everything he has financially etc is at his mum and dads house I've never received any post for him since we've split.

    Only thing could possibly be sky but that's paid for by me and have proof as direct debit comes from my bank every month without fail or I pay over the TV using my card. Only reason was ever in his name was because stupidly when I was younger I let my dad get sky in my name and he never paid the bill therefore I had debt collectors etc coming to my parents house for me :(.

    Other than that small thing everything is mine! Even come to think of it the house has never been in his name or name on because when we was together he couldn't get the day off and because he wasn't there it couldn't be joint if that makes sense x
  • clarryd
    clarryd Posts: 636 Forumite
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    as It has been said before on other posts, there are many many single parents around nowadays, there should be no feelings of stupidity as we would all be guilty of this at some time or other. You have to start looking forward on not dwelling on the past. Get everything off your chest at counselling and make a promise to yourself that you will do something nice for yourself when your children go to their dads. This could be something as simple as having a relaxing bubble bath, or even putting a face mask on. You need you time and when you get it you will feel much better and you will be able to see things in a different light.

    I know I have gone on a bit sorry but I have been in you position, I had a break down and needed to put my life back together with a young child, I also went for counselling and it did help, so good luck and look forward to your new better stress free life.
  • highhopes19
    highhopes19 Posts: 90 Forumite
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    clarryd wrote: »
    as It has been said before on other posts, there are many many single parents around nowadays, there should be no feelings of stupidity as we would all be guilty of this at some time or other. You have to start looking forward on not dwelling on the past. Get everything off your chest at counselling and make a promise to yourself that you will do something nice for yourself when your children go to their dads. This could be something as simple as having a relaxing bubble bath, or even putting a face mask on. You need you time and when you get it you will feel much better and you will be able to see things in a different light.

    I know I have gone on a bit sorry but I have been in you position, I had a break down and needed to put my life back together with a young child, I also went for counselling and it did help, so good luck and look forward to your new better stress free life.

    Thankyou so much it really means a lot. I'm hoping in the coming weeks I can start looking forward to a happy stress free future just me and my girls.

    Xx
  • rogerblack
    rogerblack Posts: 9,446 Forumite
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    The only thing that connects him to the house come to think about it is sky but I pay it and it's on my bank statements to prove this the direct debit is to my bank account.

    If you have any of the heartless 'get rid of it' emails/... left - keep them. This is very strong evidence if it's later questioned.

    Good luck.
  • restless6
    restless6 Posts: 469 Forumite
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    Why are your kids having his surname if you are not together??

    Sounds a little suspicious, particularly for the new baby , if you are single.
  • mum2one
    mum2one Posts: 16,279 Forumite
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    restless6 wrote: »
    Why are your kids having his surname if you are not together??

    Sounds a little suspicious, particularly for the new baby , if you are single.

    maybe the Op wants both the children to have the surname...
    xx rip dad... we had our ups and downs but we’re always be family xx
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