When did this change?

moneyistooshorttomention

honeythewitch wrote: »

I remember being severely told off as a child when visiting a relative. She asked if I would like a sandwich and I asked what was in it!
Apart from the allergy, I will just suffer whatever a guest gives me, but there is usually a choice of dishes these days so we can help ourselves to what we want.

I would be interested to pinpoint what year (or thereabouts) that incident happened. I fully understand where you are coming from on that and have experienced similar incidents...but there came a point in history where someone would have had to be pretty "obtuse" not to cater for things like that (there are still some about unfortunately:().

I can relate to being "told off" for having specialist requirements - as if it were my fault - and hence feel pretty strongly about "It is what it is - and the host caters for whatever the guest says needs to be catered for" and doesn't question it/condemn it. I haven't really made up my mind personally re the whole gluten-free/diary-free/whatever-free thing personally - but, if I'm told not to provide whatever type of food it is - then I'm not going to go into the "why and wherefores". I will just cater accordingly.

YORKSHIRELASS

I actually think it's gone too far the other way, especially with kids. When my kids eat at friends houses I expect them to eat what they are given. I have brought my kids up to eat most things and let's face it they are hardly likely to be served liver or sprouts which they both hate. My son doesn't like baked beans but has often been served them at friends houses. He will just leave them on his plate without making a fuss which is fine.

When kids eat here I usually give them a couple of options and ask them to choose but it does surprise me how picky many are and how they are very specific about what they will or wont eat! One child once told me what brand of oven chips he wanted!!!

I usually have a good idea what friends and family like and will try to cook a favourite. That's part of the pleasure of having people around.

And of course you wouldn't serve meat to a vegetarian or ignore dietary requirements. Why bother cooking for someone if you are going to do that?

moneyistooshorttomention

It is a very fine line to walk sometimes with children I would imagine - re whether they genuinely cant eat/dislike whatever-it-is or are just being "picky" for the sake of it.

I'm thankful its only adults I am dealing with here and therefore think its fair enough to take their word for it as to what they cant eat/permanently dislike/etc.

Though I confess that I like rice milk (but that's provided its a specific brand...and I couldn't tell you what that particular manufacturer does that makes the difference between "yuk on the one hand" or "fine by me" on the other hand) and coffee HAS to be "real coffee" and I feel nervous about whether it will be "dishwater" if its less than Strength 5.

The people who really puzzle me are those that will cater for a childs changing tastes and even ask if there have been any changes (even if they change on a monthly basis) but wont cater for an adults constant food tastes of what they cant/wont eat. So the child gets allowed to specify their tastes have changed from what they were last month, but an adult gets told off for saying they cant/wont eat something they haven't had for many years.....

kathrynha

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

I actually think it's gone too far the other way, especially with kids. When my kids eat at friends houses I expect them to eat what they are given. I have brought my kids up to eat most things and let's face it they are hardly likely to be served liver or sprouts which they both hate. My son doesn't like baked beans but has often been served them at friends houses. He will just leave them on his plate without making a fuss which is fine.

When kids eat here I usually give them a couple of options and ask them to choose but it does surprise me how picky many are and how they are very specific about what they will or wont eat! One child once told me what brand of oven chips he wanted!!!

I usually have a good idea what friends and family like and will try to cook a favourite. That's part of the pleasure of having people around.

And of course you wouldn't serve meat to a vegetarian or ignore dietary requirements. Why bother cooking for someone if you are going to do that?

Totally agree about kids. I'm a Guide leader, and I remember one girl had a list of about 20 foods that were all she would eat, and they were all branded. Mother said it was fussiness not allergy/ intolerance that was the issue.
Child on camp pretty much ate everything put in front of her without mother pandering to her whims.

When catering for Guides we take in to account allergies, intolerances, vegetarianism and religious requirements. Fussiness is not taken into account. We provide a meal, no choice, although we do leave elements of the meal separate where possible. We encourage trying food, and if all else fails there is always bread.
Never had a child starve on camp.

LameWolf

thriftwizard wrote: »

I have problems digesting cow's milk, and they were simply dismissed back in the '60s and I was often made to drink it, until either it returned the way it had gone down or I was sent home doubled up with stomach pains & wheezing.

Your words ring true with me; I have the same problem with meat (even the smell makes me heave):(

I am in my mid-50s now, and have never, ever had people over for dinner - I just know I would be expected to provide meat, and I have no idea how to cook it - and if I knew I wouldn't be able to actually do it.

LOL I remember when I was in my mid 20s and had by then long since escaped my mother's attempts to force-feed me with meat (like your milk, it invariably returned the way it went down) - I was over at my parents for the obligatory Boxing Day meal and my mother's comment was "Well can't you just have a couple of slices of turkey, because it's Christmas?" :wall::wall::wall:

kathrynha

LameWolf wrote: »

I was over at my parents for the obligatory Boxing Day meal and my mother's comment was "Well can't you just have a couple of slices of turkey, because it's Christmas?" :wall::wall::wall:

According to my mother-in-hell my nut allergy should disappear at Christmas too :doh:

Although saying that, the ambulance would allow me to escape her house quicker

suki1964

Growing up,we just didn't hear of food intolerances, they were either mis diagnosed or people just thought someone was a fussy eater. I don't think I had one single friend until the 80's who was vegetarian

Nowdays if I'm hosting I check what people can and can't eat. My sisters family are Muslims so the family BBQ meant two bbqs lit so the pork could be cooked separately. When it came to my wedding, everything was vegetarian really, with separate platters of salmon, cooked meats etc, and most was gluten free

However I won't not eat anything that someone has cooked for me,even if it's something I detest. But then I don't have allergies or intolerances, just dislikes so I shut up, cover the offending food in gravy ( it's usually potatoes or veg) grin and get on with it

monnagran

I think it is mostly about how far we wish to go to make visitors feel comfortable. I would absolutely hate to think that someone sat at my table manfully trying to swallow something they found to be distasteful or health threatening.
Having said that, I think finnicky people sometimes make life unnecessarily complicated.

When we were in India, travelling round the poorest remote villages, we ate whatever was put in front of us knowing that the people who provided the food had probably gone without themselves for several days in order to show us hospitality. We hadn't a clue what we were eating (possibly just as well) but we showed every sign of great enjoyment. It would have been so disrespectful to leave any or pick it about. Knowing we were westerners and were used to eating at tables, a table of sorts would be provided. I remember being in a mud hut and being shown to a table consisting of a metal advertising board balanced on 2 oil drums. The whole village stood around to watch us eating, which was a bit unnerving to say the least. It was a lovely curry cooked on a fire made in 3 stones in the corner of the one room, with no chimney or hole in the roof to let the smoke out.
We ate with relish and felt very humble.

I am a bit of a finnicky eater myself over some things but hopefully no-one will ever guess that.

It's much more to do with love and respect than the actual food.

x

pollypenny

I haven't eaten meat since my mother gave up on the inch square she tried to get me to eat when I was 11.

Peppers and courgettes etc were rare when was a child, but I ate what the family ate, minus the meat: ie potatoes, carrots, cabbage, sprouts and other tradition vegetables.

I would do the same if visiting and there wasn't a specific 'vegetarian' meal.

GreyQueen

I went on a bushcraft course a few years ago. As part of the booking process they stressed that genuine food allergies and intolerances would be catered for, but not faddiness. In the context that we were spending a week camping in the woods learning primitive skills of our own volition, I considered that a reasonable and sensible approach.

I don't have any food allergies per se, but I vomited the first time I was given coconut confectionary as a child (my brother also had an identical reaction) and can detect tiny amounts of dessicated coconut in a cake mix as it moves me to instant nausea. There are other things I don't particularly care for, but I was brought up to eat what was put in front of me without complaint in my 1960s-1970s childhood. You certainly weren't picky and rude when a guest in someone's home, whether extended family or the parents of playfriends.

If I was preparing a meal for someone, I'd want to know if they had an allergies or even pet hates, so I didn't cause them illhealth or just plain distress. Sharing a meal is supposed to be a celebration and fun, dammit.

Although if I had someone suffering from Chronic Fusspotism who'd give me minutely-detailed lists of what they would and would not eat, I don't think they'd ever get to eat a meal at my place, as I haven't much patience for that type of person. Vegetarians I will cater for, and also coeliacs, proper allergies and dairy intolerances but the fusspots can take a long walk off a short pier.