An amicable divorce with an inevitable twist

theoretica

jimmyo wrote: »

They want me to get a loan out to pay them back. You can probably see why I would think that that is a bad idea, even if I could get one.

Why? And are your reasons fair to your spouse? (If you have a formal agreement then it comes with many of the same issues as a commercial loan, such as the risk of being taken to court if you don't pay.) Having a total break and only owing money to an impersonal bank has advantages for both of you.

groovy_chick

My experience has taught me many things;

When you stand there and say "All I have, I give to you" it is assumed that you mean it for the duration of your marriage,

You cannot get blood out of a stone (or money from an empty bank account),

At the end of the day - being able to hold you head high and know you have held the moral high ground helps you sleep soundly in your bed.

My husband left me after about the same length of marriage with two children and a whole pile of his debt. There was no point me fighting him for repayment as he had nothing to give (he left his well paid career to pursue his 'hobby'). I chose to rise above any anger or bitterness for my own health and for the environment I wanted to provide for my children and I got on with it. Now I take great comfort in knowing that I have provided for my children on my own merit and that he has no hold over me and nothing that he can say I owe him for. I am still steadily repaying his debts by the way, 8 years on.

To put that into the context of the OP's situation, I would say that his wife is lucky that he is willing to repay this £3,500 and she should be thankful that he is not pursuing any solicitors recommendations, because they would surely recommend writing the debt off against her keeping all of her savings. By repaying this amount (as soon as possible), the OP is being as fair as he can be, without involving anyone else to borrow from or incurring bank interest charges. No-one moves on and forgets their ex'es name the moment they get their Decree Absolute, so it's no big deal that there will be a financial hang-over for a short time.

Divorce is horrible, people usually get screwed over - from what I can see, this is a genuinely amicable agreement and she would be well advised to accept it with grace.

Good luck OP x

Delree

Just say your credit rating is shot to bits to so no loan possible, offer £100 per month and that's it.
Great to see someone doing the right thing, this board is littered with people complaining that their estranged partners have walked away from financial obligations. Your soon to be ex partner is lucky you have this attitude.

Brighton_belle

Delree wrote: »

Just say your credit rating is shot to bits to so no loan possible, offer £100 per month and that's it.
Great to see someone doing the right thing, this board is littered with people complaining that their estranged partners have walked away from financial obligations. Your soon to be ex partner is lucky you have this attitude.

It is a good attitude, but perhaps the ex wife is weary of previously broken promises and doesn't feel confident he will fulfill them. Words is easy.

Rachylou1981

Forgive me if I am wrong but it sounds like the ex-partner of OP gave some of this money after they split (help with moving costs?). Therefore I don't understand why they have suddenly changed their mind about the way it's paid back when nothing has changed except that their split will be finalised in a divorce.

Of course the OP's ex-partner will worry that they won't get their money back and my knowledge of this type of thing (other friends) is that once people are apart and move on with their lives, payments become complicated and can stop and cause stress and be harder to chase.

OP - I can understand you are probably genuine in your whole attitude of paying ex-partner back but maybe some sort of contract that they can draw up, signed by you both with an agreed amount to be paid by standing order will be a good way of sealing the deal. This way, the ex-partner has something to go on if you withdraw from the deal and they can go to small claims court. You don't even have to keep in touch if the standing order is done and of course you will have proof from that that you have paid.

TBagpuss

I do no think threats, either open or veiled, are the way to go.

I think it would be reasonable to look into whether it would be possible for you to get a loan, so that you and your ex can have a clean break - being tied, even by ongoing payments, can be difficult, and as others have said, given your poor record with money management it would not be unreasonable for your ex to be cautious about lending money to you.

If you cannot get a loan elsewhere, look at your budget and see whether you can pay the amount you owe more quickly - maybe over 1 year rather than 3. In any court order it would be possible to include provision for you to pay her a lump sum by instalments, this gives her some security.

If any of the debt you ran up was spent for joint benefit , such as paying for a holiday (not for your half of a holiday) then it would be fair for that element to be treated as a joint debt and for you to pay half each.

Another issue - are you paying any interest on the debt? it is one thing to make an interest free loan to your spouse, another to make an interest free loan to your ex. Perhaps agreeing a payment plan which included some element of interest would address this.

In terms of claiming your ex's savings, there is no hard and fast rule about how a court looks at this as the aim is always to come to fair settlement taking into account all the circumstances. You have a relatively short marriage, no children, and broadly similar incomes and earning capacities. As you talk of your and her debts/savings, it sounds as though you kept your finances separate, at least to an extent. And you have started paying back her loan to you. All of those factors would be relevant, and a court might well consider it would be unfair to seek to give you any of the savings.