An amicable divorce with an inevitable twist

LilElvis

Another point coming from your wife's point of view. You have been reckless with money in the past and, for a while at least, shirked your responsibility to deal with the issue and settle your debts. You did this whilst you were together, so it would not be unreasonable for her to worry that, now you have parted, that you might return to your old pattern of behaviour and renege on your debt to her.

David301

really it depends on how the finances were split during the marriage, if they were a combined or separate entity. OP may have paid for all the rent and utilities and then got into further debt whilst trying the please the OH with holidays and gifts whilst she was accruing her savings.

duchy

David301 wrote: »

really it depends on how the finances were split during the marriage, if they were a combined or separate entity. OP may have paid for all the rent and utilities and then got into further debt whilst trying the please the OH with holidays and gifts whilst she was accruing her savings.

Yes he might have .......but I suspect if that was the case he'd have mentioned it as it would have given him some justification for his stance. As Lil Elvis points out the OP admits his debts are of his own making .....not that he was paying more than his share in domestic expenses.

David301

totally agree duchy, was just wanting to facts so that the best advice can be given really. OP also didn't say that his debts were because of booze cruises with the boys, his 60" plasma tv, and his blinged out benz.

LilElvis

David301 wrote: »

totally agree duchy, was just wanting to facts so that the best advice can be given really. OP also didn't say that his debts were because of booze cruises with the boys, his 60" plasma tv, and his blinged out benz.

The OP admits that he owes the money, so why does it matter how he accrued the debts? He did actually state that part of the debt arose from moving costs if that helps you.

sammyjammy

How much of the £3500 do you still owe? I understand your reluctance to take out a loan. However I think under the circumstances a clean break is best for you both, if she hadn't lent you the money presumably you would still have the debt that you paid off. A small value loan, if you paid it off in a year would be over and done with very quickly allowing you both to move on.

Brighton_belle

OP, think about it: what you are saying is you are more important than her i.e. your need to not pay any interest because budgeting hard and paying off a £3,500 quickly is more than you can be bothered to do, is way more important than your ex's need to have a clean break and be free from the guy who has drained her financially and therefore emotional for 5.5 years. This will over shadow any 'amicable-ness'.


Could I even tentatively suggest this is unwittingly a form of control over her for the next 3 years - she will not be free of your poor financial discipline for another 3 years and not be free to use her money in a way to enhance her own life. You may intend to repay - but what if you are made redundant: you are choosing to leave her anxious.
Do the right thing - show you really have learnt to be a grown up with your finances and get a loan. Be independent.

WillowCat

Of course the morally correct solution is for you to pay back the debt, but the marriage laws (or should I say divorce laws) don't take morality into account.

Unless she can prove that your debts were incurred for totally frivolous reasons, and solely for your own benefit, then the debt is matrimonial and can be settled from matrimonial assets. Matrimonial assets will include her savings.

You've just slipped out of 'short marriage' territory, so with no children the starting point will be 50/50 split, though the court has to have regard to all the relevant factors of S25 of matrimonial causes act 1973.

It would of course cost a disproportionate amount of money to chase this through the courts, probably more than is at stake here. So negotiation is critical and I'd be inclined to suggest the debt is wiped out and in return you do not seek any of the savings in her name (as you are married it doesn't make them hers just because they are in her name).

Interestingly I bailed my ex out twice for a total of over £15,000 and also spent the last £5,000 of savings in my name to pay for his moving costs and setup costs for his new home....and I have been advised that I can't even mention this fact in court, let alone expect repayment for it. The money is spent, it's gone, and the court only considers what is left at the current time.

If you want more information, head over to wikivorce.com and post on their forums.

David301

it matters because it is a marriage, it matters how they spend their money, realistically morals aside he could just not pay any of it back. If she tried going to court for the amount it would be costly and they would look at the financials, assets and debts.

10/10 for wanting to pay back what you owe

For peace of mind do whatever you can just to pay it back as quickly as possible. You want no ties.

duchy

With a marriage that has barely reached five years though - where the wife could claim the marriage actually broke down before five years and they were simply under the same roof the OP would be on very shaky ground if his wife decides to play equally dirty in retaliation -or employs a piranha solicitor. (and frankly who would blame her)

The short marriage issue is definitely something that could scupper your cunning plan !!

WillowCat wrote: »

Of course the morally correct solution is for you to pay back the debt, but the marriage laws (or should I say divorce laws) don't take morality into account.

Unless she can prove that your debts were incurred for totally frivolous reasons, and solely for your own benefit, then the debt is matrimonial and can be settled from matrimonial assets. Matrimonial assets will include her savings.

You've just slipped out of 'short marriage' territory, so with no children the starting point will be 50/50 split, though the court has to have regard to all the relevant factors of S25 of matrimonial causes act 1973.

It would of course cost a disproportionate amount of money to chase this through the courts, probably more than is at stake here. So negotiation is critical and I'd be inclined to suggest the debt is wiped out and in return you do not seek any of the savings in her name (as you are married it doesn't make them hers just because they are in her name).

Interestingly I bailed my ex out twice for a total of over £15,000 and also spent the last £5,000 of savings in my name to pay for his moving costs and setup costs for his new home....and I have been advised that I can't even mention this fact in court, let alone expect repayment for it. The money is spent, it's gone, and the court only considers what is left at the current time.

If you want more information, head over to wikivorce.com and post on their forums.