refusing to sign divorce papers

pendragon_arther

Br1gg5y wrote: »

The reason my ex takes my son to school is I start work at 8am, the high school my son goes to doesnt have a breakfast club, and its the next town over, so I drive to my exs every morning. My ex pays for my son's school dinner money and his pocket money every week but other than that doesn't pay me anything.... x

As above he should be paying support. If you must force him to take responsibility for his child.

74jax

Is there a reason you didn't file them? Do you want to remain seperate but not married, is that why you don't want to sign?

If you had filed them I'm guessing you would have noted his unreasonable behaviour? Because he had filed them he had cited yours.

I personally would sign them, if you do want to be disbursed that is. You know the reasons why, as does he.

Move on and let who was more unreasonable than who not matter.

Have you sorted financial aspects and access?

DUTR

Br1gg5y wrote: »

The reason my ex takes my son to school is I start work at 8am, the high school my son goes to doesnt have a breakfast club, and its the next town over, so I drive to my exs every morning. My ex pays for my son's school dinner money and his pocket money every week but other than that doesn't pay me anything.... x

pendragon_arther wrote: »

As above he should be paying support. If you must force him to take responsibility for his child.

CS support contrbutions may not be enough to cover the pocket money , after school clubs etc plus the time lost in taking the child to school themself.

duchy

It isn't just about the money - although as the OP's ex can afford a solicitor it seems likely he is earning so CS *will* be more than pocket money and school dinners -but the OP has the link to the calculator .

I don't understand your comment about after school clubs though- where does it say Dad pays for those or has the child after school ?

Not paying support and insisting on taking a child who is of an age to travel independently to school daily - whilst refusing to see the child more than once a month at weekends indicates the father is still trying to exert control , both emotional and financial.

This child is at least eleven years old as he is at high school - most children of that age don't need taking to school but are capable of (and it can be argued it is desirable for them to) travel to school by public transport and don't need an escort. It would be useful to know from the OP what happens after school with him getting home.

DUTR

duchy wrote: »

It isn't just about the money - although as the OP's ex can afford a solicitor it seems likely he is earning so CS *will* be more than pocket money and school dinners -but the OP has the link to the calculator .

I don't understand your comment about after school clubs though- where does it say Dad pays for those or has the child after school ?

Not paying support and insisting on taking a child who is of an age to travel independently to school daily - whilst refusing to see the child more than once a month at weekends indicates the father is still trying to exert control , both emotional and financial.

This child is at least eleven years old as he is at high school - most children of that age don't need taking to school but are capable of (and it can be argued it is desirable for them to) travel to school by public transport and don't need an escort. It would be useful to know from the OP what happens after school with him getting home.

Every case is different, I know my CS contributions ended up much less than after school clubs dance lessons and petrol for 240 miles per week.
I agree the child maybe of age to make their own way to school, but I guess it depends on the distance and locality. Claiming CSA doesn't always come without additional consequences. The OP may have to do the maths to see which method is less inconvenient.

duchy

It isn't just a case of convenience but of mental health too . With abuse in the mix reliance on an ex may not be sensible. If there are control issues it'd be too easy for a NRP to use reliance on getting a child to school- and thus Mum to work on time as a weapon if they felt they weren't getting things their way. Eg "If you put in a claim for child support I will make you late for work every day until you lose your job"

You are comparing apples with oranges though -dinner money and a bit of pocket money isn't the same as dance classes , after school club fees and a daily journey of 24 miles each way - unless the OP lives in a very remote area (and she never mentioned after school clubs or after school activities are paid for by her ex- and most secondary schools don't have after school clubs anyway)

I agree the OP needs to do the maths for herself though

TBagpuss

on the acknowledgement of service form you will have received, one of the questions is "do you intend to defend the divorce" answer that by saying something like "No, as I accept the marriage is over. However, i do not accept that the allegations made in the petition are accurate or that my behaviour was the main or only cause of the breakdown of the relationship" If you want, you can add " the marriage broke down as a result of the Petitioner's violence towards me" (you can write "see attached" and put this on a separate sheet of paper, if you can't fit it in the box!)

If you don't sign, the next step will be that he or his solicitors will arrange for you to be served personally with the petition, which will mean you get no chance to respond at all, and may also mean that you end up being ordered to pay the costs, if he has included a claim for costs.

Financial issues and issues relating to your child will be dealt with separately, and the fact that he, not you, started proceedings, will not affect your entitlements.

As you have suffered domestic abuse you may be eligable for legal aid to help with those issues.

In any event, you should apply via http://www.cmoptions.org/ to sort out child support

wannabe_sybil

After a few years from the last action on a file (think it could be four, but not sure) all court paper work from the divorce is destroyed apart from the nisi and the absolute. The nisi is destroyed after thirty years, the absolute after sixty.

Unless your ex is going to be handing around the petition to everyone, no-one is going to see it except the court staff.

Do you want to be divorced? Do you have thousands and thousands to contest and cross petition (lots of thousands!)? I would sign the papers.

Br1gg5y

I live 15 miles from my son's school, he has ADHD, is autistic and deaf so for him to go to school by himself isn't 'safe' for him, I have tried looking for a school a lot nearer that can suit my son's needs but there just isn't one.
I have been to see C.A.B and now have a solicitor with legal aid because I was living in a refuge.

Thank you everyone for your help and advice.

Tigsteroonie

Br1gg5y wrote: »

I live 15 miles from my son's school, he has ADHD, is autistic and deaf so for him to go to school by himself isn't 'safe' for him, I have tried looking for a school a lot nearer that can suit my son's needs but there just isn't one.

Preumably your son has a Statement/EHCP that names the school as being the most appropriate? (With that combination of issues, I'd be surprised if he hasn't been assessed). Would School Transport not take him to/from? They take our son 3 miles to his ASD school.