refusing to sign divorce papers

Br1gg5y

Hi im after a bit of advice please, I walked out on my husband on 9th march 2014 because of the years of mental abuse myself and my son sufferd at the hands of my "husband" (my son more than me) he made me believe for years that he was the best thing since sliced bread for me and that if I left him I would have no where to go, to cut a long story short it came to ahead and I left with just the clothes for me and my son in bin bags and my sons xbox and tv, (believe me if I didn't take that I would be six feet under)
I ended up in a womans refuge and got a house with in 4 weeks, I moved in with just the clothes and my son's xbox, and because im £3 over the threshold wasn't entitled to any help with house hold good.
Now a year later my "husband" has filed for divorce on the grounds of MY behaviour, yes I want this man out my life but I refuse to sign the papers because of the reasons of which he says MY behaviour, that and the fact he got my date of birth wrong (granted 2 years younger is flatey) but this is a legal document, his solicitor sent him an email saying that will be corrected at the next stage of the divorce and if I detest (poss wrong word) the grounds of the divorce I will have to cover HIS costs.........there is nothing in these papers to say what if any "support" he will give my son..........My "husband" knows I cant afford to go to a solicitor so what do I do??


Thanks in advance of any help or advice anyone can give me.

bouicca21

You simply write that you accept the marriage is over but do not accept the reasons given.

duchy

Get shot of him

No-one sees the divorce papers -it is one day in court (and you don't even have to attend if you don't want to for the actual divorce if you aren't defending the petition). As you have a child the court will want to know what provision is made for the child - presumably if you had support from a woman's shelter you already have been advised to claim child support from your husband - and that you are entitled to half of the assets of the marriage .

Have you spoken to CAB -if not please make an appointment - alternatively the refuge you were at may be able to suggest some form of free legal advice.

Br1gg5y

but how does that work? I'm being really thick don't know a thing about how divorce works.

Double_V

So sorry to hear.
And I really hope all goes well for you and your son.

duchy

Which bit ?

I really think CAB should be your first port of call.
They will explain the process - both for the divorce - and for securing child support (roughly equal to 13% of your husband's income). As you are living apart he should already be paying the child support -again CAB will help you with the forms - and it is entirely seperate to the divorce.

Guest101

Not defending any of his actions during your marriage.

However, he believes your behaviour has been unreasonable. So that's what he put. If you filed, you would put the same. It's just perspectives.

Incidentally, what's the child contact arrangements? If you have prevented him seeing his son, perhaps that's the reason he's written that?

pmlindyloo

duchy wrote: »

Get shot of him

No-one sees the divorce papers -it is one day in court (and you don't even have to attend if you don't want to for the actual divorce if you aren't defending the petition). As you have a child the court will want to know what provision is made for the child - presumably if you had support from a woman's shelter you already have been advised to claim child support from your husband - and that you are entitled to half of the assets of the marriage .

Have you spoken to CAB -if not please make an appointment - alternatively the refuge you were at may be able to suggest some form of free legal advice.

Absolutely agree with this. Just keep it simple (and cheap!)

Some information on CAB's website:

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_relationship_problems_e/ending_a_marriage.htm

meer53

Just sign the papers to be shot of him. It doesn't matter what the reasons are, no-one sees them. You know the truth, thats all that matters. Don't waste any money contesting the divorce, he's not worth it. He will be the one with a solicitors bill, not you.

Br1gg5y

Guest101 wrote: »

Not defending any of his actions during your marriage.

However, he believes your behaviour has been unreasonable. So that's what he put. If you filed, you would put the same. It's just perspectives.

Incidentally, what's the child contact arrangements? If you have prevented him seeing his son, perhaps that's the reason he's written that?

Hi I totally get what your saying here, but the reason I left was because of his behaviour towards myself and my son, I have never stopped him from seeing his son even though he is mentally abusive towards him, he takes his son to school everyday and "should have him" every other week over night, my "husband" decided that was too much for him and now only has him once a month,


I grew up with my mum not letting me see my dad and know what damage it has done to me, I have to let my son make his own mind up about that, I have not tried to belittle my "husband" to my son, when he asks why we don't live together I just tell him because I don't love him anymore.

RAS

"Unreasonable behaviour" is a ruse to enable you (both) to get a divorce without waiting 2 years.

If you had started action against him within the two years, you would have to use the same terms.

The issue of financial settlement and contact are quite separate; although personally I think it best to get the finances sorted.

If nothing else remember the millionaire who is faced with paying money to his very ex wife because there was no evidence of a clean break agreement 20 years after the divorce.

Is the house he occupies owned or rented? Either of you got a pension fund?

How old is your son?