No gifts at child's birthday?

benrben

Crumbs, seems a bit ott to suggest it's cruel not to let kids be given birthday presents from their friends at their party. My kids go to quite a small village school, it's quite the "norm" here to invite multiple classes to a party, last yr dd1 went to 27 birthday parties, this year she has already been to 28 with at least another 6 to come, dd2 went to 15 last year, will be far more this year as she's now in school too. The parents got together & quite sensibly decided that with so many parties, rather than buy presents, ask people to pop a some money into a collection jar & then at christmas each year we buy presents & donate them to charity. Last year £800 was raised & it will be slightly more this year.
Nobody feels they have to compete, no kids don't go to parties because parents can't afford to buy a present & we help a few kids who'd maybe get nothing, for us it works well.

imran_north

ditto to the last comment! its a minefield. But I do find you get more guests turning up when you mention presents not necessary!

pollyanna24

purpleshoes wrote: »

Why do you have to do that? Because it's the done thing?

People don't need to do anything. If a family spend a lot of money on a party where kids get fed watered and entertained why do they need to go home with a party bag?

I don't like myleene klass but she had a point.

True, you don't have to do anything. But I'd feel bad if I didn't send home a party bag mainly cos it's the done thing.

I know we don't all have to stick to the "done thing," but when it's for a small child who doesn't understand grownups wanting to instill non-materialism in their child, I think it's mean.

I just want my kids to be happy and they will want what their friends have. Doesn't mean it has to be expensive. A party bag can be as little as a small bag of sweets.

Cacran

TBagpuss wrote: »

Perhaps you can suggest to your daughter that rather than gifting the items back to her daughter's friends she look into donating them elsewhere?
For instance:
- to a local toy library
-to a local Contact Centre or Family Centre
-to a local women's refuge

She could also speak to her local Social Services (Children Social Care)

For items which are still in their packaging she could also see whether the local Lions or Rotary clubs collect toys and games (particularly around Christmas)

She could donate to local charity shops

She could offer the items via freecycle or freegle

If she has the time and energy she could also look at car boot sales or ebay

Your idea might work if all of the parents were on the same page.

I totally agree with your reply. My daughter donates all her daughters toys and clothing to charity. As she is a single parent who works but is on minimum wage, the re gifting saves her a bit of money but it would save in the first instance if the party was a bit cheaper and a lot easier.
Just a thought, which is not hers but mine.
I do hate the way some people give really expensive gifts and others, more realistic ones. I feel sorry for the givers, more than the recipients.
I guess I am old school, I think colouring books and crayons are the best sort of gifts,lol!

Cacran

benrben wrote: »

Crumbs, seems a bit ott to suggest it's cruel not to let kids be given birthday presents from their friends at their party. My kids go to quite a small village school, it's quite the "norm" here to invite multiple classes to a party, last yr dd1 went to 27 birthday parties, this year she has already been to 28 with at least another 6 to come, dd2 went to 15 last year, will be far more this year as she's now in school too. The parents got together & quite sensibly decided that with so many parties, rather than buy presents, ask people to pop a some money into a collection jar & then at christmas each year we buy presents & donate them to charity. Last year £800 was raised & it will be slightly more this year.
Nobody feels they have to compete, no kids don't go to parties because parents can't afford to buy a present & we help a few kids who'd maybe get nothing, for us it works well.

I think this is a great idea, hers is a village school too. I am going to suggest that she brings this up as a suggestion.

Really, it is nothing to do with me other than I think society has gone a bit crazy,lol!

AubreyMac

Whenever I'm told not to bring gifts, I get the feeling that a small one would still be welcomed and those who bring gifts anyway makes it awkward for those who are unable to.


When a friend of mine had a baby, on the child's first birthday she wrote on the invite that having a child/family/friends means they already have everything so any gifts will get donated to charity. This put the point across that being there is more important than any gifts and by stating that it'll all go to charity anyway puts less pressure on those who aren't able to get a gift to attend.