No gifts at child's birthday?

geordielass

When I was little we didn't have much money but I always had a party at home. Jelly and ice cream and fairy cakes were the norm. We played passy the parcel and pin the tail on the donkey and my Dad would make us all a sailors hat out of newspaper.

One year when I was in the juniors I was off school sick so my friend handed out the invitations. Two of the girls in school had the same name and my friend handed one out to the wrong girl. She lived in one of the 'private houses' (we were council) and not someone I ever bothered with. She came and gave me a whole pound note for a present. I was over the moon, I had never had a pound note all to myself before. I think I used to get about 15p pocket money at the time. I'll never forget it. I even got invited back to her party which was a real bonus.:) Happy times.

I done pass the parcel for my kids parties and they loved it. They always got very exited opening the parcel. I would put a small toy or a bag of sweets inbetween the wrappers so everyone would get a treat of some sort.

jaylee3

Gra76 wrote: »

I have to say I'd feel bad for any 5 year old who didn't receive any presents at their own birthday party. Especially if it wasn't their own choice. I've never known a childs birthday party not to involve giving the birthday child a gift. Imagine how child is going to feel when they go to other childrens birthday parties and realise they were the only one who no-one bought a present for...

As for when the presents are opened, I'd say after the party, and send a thankyou card to every person who bought something.

I have to agree.

And I agree with the people who say that there is no need to spend a lot on a present, and that you can have a good party cheaply, but I definitely wouldn't support having a party for a 5 year old, and telling everyone to not bring any presents.

It does seem rather cruel.

jackieblack

I agree with the above poster

Fortunately, OP stated in post #14 that her OH had changed his mind and that would not be requesting 'no presents' after all

sulkisu

The child woudl be receiving presents, just not from classmates. If the family is anything like mine, there will be plenty of gifts to open.

Purplesky_2

Maggie.Moo wrote: »

I'm not very active in the network of preschool parents so when she got the invite for the birthday party last month, I wasn't sure what was acceptable in terms of types of presents/how much to spend etc. I asked the parent (via text) what the child would like but they ignored that part of my text and I felt awkward asking again so I asked Jr and we got a Thomas the Tank Engine puzzle which I've now been told via Jr wasn't right because the child would have preferred a TtTE toy!

How disgraceful! The sheer ingratitude!And to send it through the children? Or is the little 'darling' so entitled they said it off their own back? Good grief... Glad I don't have children.

Maggie.Moo_2

Purplesky wrote: »

How disgraceful! The sheer ingratitude!And to send it through the children? Or is the little 'darling' so entitled they said it off their own back? Good grief... Glad I don't have children.

To be fair, the mother of this child was one of the very few parents I had spoken to before and she is rather lovely so I think it's more to do with a four year old's inability to hide disappointment. I initially shrugged it off, though Jr did mention it again a few times throughout the week (sounding more annoyed each time) so it definitely strained their relationship

I do imagine this child often gets exactly what he asks for as his parents do seem rather doting and I guess if he specifically asked Jr for a toy (which was three times the price of the puzzle) he would be disappointed about receiving a puzzle (just as I would but I'm mature enough to mask it most of the time )

seven-day-weekend

I'm sorry, I think it's a load of irrelevant fuss.

The kid's five, for heaven's sake. All they want is a few friends round, with or without presents, and a bit of food, a cake with candles to blow out and a few games.

There is so much keeping up with the Jones's these days (I'm not insinuating that the OP is doing this, just speaking generally). No wonder the children grow up materialistic and only caring about designer clothes and the latest phones.

Jagraf

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I'm sorry, I think it's a load of irrelevant fuss.

The kid's five, for heaven's sake. All they want is a few friends round, with or without presents, and a bit of food, a cake with candles to blow out and a few games.

There is so much keeping up with the Jones's these days (I'm not insinuating that the OP is doing this, just speaking generally). No wonder the children grow up materialistic and only caring about designer clothes and the latest phones.

I agree, which is why I think parents making a fuss about "no presents" is also a bit OTT. I think just let be and let guests do what they want.

Cacran

I have just found this post.
Yesterday, I was having a conversation with my daughter about the amount of toys our granddaughter has.
My daughter has just moved to a new apartment, we helped her to move. It was during this move that I realised just how many toys and games that our darling Granddaughter, who is 5, actually has.
This prompted a discussion.The apartment has limited space, as do most homes. Trying to find places to keep these items can be very stressful and when toys are put away, the do not get played with.
My Granddaughter always has a party for her birthday. The party is held at a local community hall as there are so many people attending. My daughter makes a wonderful magical event for all to enjoy, but at a cost. Each guest brings a present, which my granddaughter is expecting (sadly). The gift is opened and put on one side. Often there are toys which she already has or something very similar.
My daughter was saying that some of these items are put away at the end of the party and are then used to give to other children who have parties. In order to get this 'stock' down, when another child has a party, she gives them a lot of this 'stuff'. This starts a cycle of those parents feeling they have to give my granddaughter a lot, so the problem spirals out of control.
I feel for children whose parents cannot afford to give parties or buy gifts for others. This excludes a group of children. This is sad for them and their parents, who may feel the need to opt out of this social network, depriving themselves and their children.
I think it is time to reinvent the whole birthday event.
This is my idea (for what it is worth!)
Have a gathering, giving it a modern name, maybe. Invite who you want. Ask for no gifts, no money, just to bring something to eat, ie a pizza, sausage rolls, crisps, biscuits, buns, jelly, sweets. Not to bring a lot, just one item per child.
The person holding the party could have the party either in their own home, a venue, a park or wherever they want it. They provide the birthday cake, drinks, music, games and a table and paper plates etc.
All can join in, without too much pressure on anyone. More children could have parties and more cheaply. This would stop excluding children who otherwise would be.
I think it would be good to teach the birthday child that it is not all about the present, it was about friends and fun.

TBagpuss

Perhaps you can suggest to your daughter that rather than gifting the items back to her daughter's friends she look into donating them elsewhere?
For instance:
- to a local toy library
-to a local Contact Centre or Family Centre
-to a local women's refuge

She could also speak to her local Social Services (Children Social Care)

For items which are still in their packaging she could also see whether the local Lions or Rotary clubs collect toys and games (particularly around Christmas)

She could donate to local charity shops

She could offer the items via freecycle or freegle

If she has the time and energy she could also look at car boot sales or ebay

Your idea might work if all of the parents were on the same page.