No gifts at child's birthday?

musogirl295

DD's 5th birthday is coming up soon and after much going round in circles we've booked a local venue for a party. We're inviting 15 but will probably not get that many turn up as it is in half term.

DH thinks we should put "no presents required" or something to that effect on the invite. I can see his point about not wanting people to feel pressured with gift giving especially as we don't know many of the kids or parents. However, I am concerned that some may be offended at being told what to do or that some may ignore and bring gifts making those that don't feel bad.

DD has quite enough toys and books however all presents would be gratefully received.

How would you handle this? If you went down the no gifts route how would you word it? Is it the done thing to open presents at the party or wait until later and then send thank you notes?

1st world problems, I know, but any experiences or thoughts gratefully received!

red_devil

Just ask for cards. I am sure most parents willbe relieved at not having to buy a present. Open the cards when you get home.

Maggie.Moo_2

I took my daughter to our first birthday party last month and I had so many questions about birthday party etiquette but I just went with it and apart from seeming a bit too eager to not spend two hours in a room full of kids, I don't think I broke any rules haha.

I always feel awkward about both giving and receiving presents. I told everyone that we would prefer gift cards for Christmas/birthday as we're currently restricted to one room and there simply isn't any space for new things. As you may well guess, plenty of people still bought far too much because they "couldn't resist" which resulted in a little bit of a break down before asking Jr to help me sort out her old toys for donation (which she was more than happy to do).

I'm not very active in the network of preschool parents so when she got the invite for the birthday party last month, I wasn't sure what was acceptable in terms of types of presents/how much to spend etc. I asked the parent (via text) what the child would like but they ignored that part of my text and I felt awkward asking again so I asked Jr and we got a Thomas the Tank Engine puzzle which I've now been told via Jr wasn't right because the child would have preferred a TtTE toy! We have another party to attend on Saturday and the parents actually gave me plenty of ideas to suit a range of budgets but I still haven't bought anything yet (oops!)

Personally, I wouldn't mind receiving an invite which had something along the lines of "all presents will be gratefully received but please do not feel obligated to provide one". I think that completely allows parents to decide if they want to bring one or not (although I'd still feel uncomfortable with all the party effort and expenses that my child is utilising). I think "presents not required" is slightly bossy and although it relieves a burden, I still wouldn't like to receive an invite with that on it - after all, Jr loves choosing presents!

Honestly, I don't think there's any real way around this as bringing presents to a party is pretty ingrained by now. If you think DD's friends will ask her about presents (as I did for our first party) then it might be worthwhile getting her to tell people she doesn't need/want any. At some that should get back to the other parents but yet again I think they'll still feel obliged to bring a gift even if you asked them not.

purpleshoes_2

musogirl295 wrote: »

DD's 5th birthday is coming up soon and after much going round in circles we've booked a local venue for a party. We're inviting 15 but will probably not get that many turn up as it is in half term.

DH thinks we should put "no presents required" or something to that effect on the invite. I can see his point about not wanting people to feel pressured with gift giving especially as we don't know many of the kids or parents. However, I am concerned that some may be offended at being told what to do or that some may ignore and bring gifts making those that don't feel bad.

DD has quite enough toys and books however all presents would be gratefully received.

How would you handle this? If you went down the no gifts route how would you word it? Is it the done thing to open presents at the party or wait until later and then send thank you notes?

1st world problems, I know, but any experiences or thoughts gratefully received!

Im not sure why you would organise a birthday party and then say no presents required. Surely the point of having a birthday party is to celebrate the day and then go along to the party with something for the child having the birthday. The present doesn't need to be expensive. I understand about not wanting to upset someone who doesn't have much spare cash but you can get kids presents in pound shops, people don't need to spend a fortune to buy a classmate a present.

izoomzoom

In all my children's years, only once did they get a no presents request.

It was more on the lines that, if we were so inclined, the said child was going to a certain attraction and would prefer cash for a sort after item in the gift shop.

Alikay

I wouldn't bother mentioning presents. I know children can end up with a lot of excess tat from their birthday parties, but the gift giving and receiving is a childhood tradition, and a learning experience for both the party-attendees and the birthday child: Party-goer learns how to choose a suitable present for the friend, and present it graciously, and the birthday boy/girl learns how to say thank you, maybe following up with a little note or card, and express pleasure with the present (or hide disappointment if it's not what they'd choose themselves ).

Most people won't spend much - it's the childhood equivalent to taking a bottle of wine to a party.

JimmyTheWig

musogirl295 wrote: »

however all presents would be gratefully received.

Then what's the problem? The going rate for a party present around here is a fiver. Most people can afford that, especially if given a little notice.

If you went down the no gifts route how would you word it?

That's one of the reasons I wouldn't go down this route!
If there is a friend who you know would struggle then let them know in person that you don't expect anything.

Is it the done thing to open presents at the party or wait until later and then send thank you notes?

Wait until later. Then you'll know who bought what. If opened at the party it can become a frenzy.
Once a present is opened (wrapping paper) it will want to be _opened_ (packaging) and within minutes at a party pieces will be lost.
Yes to thank you notes for any present opened without the giver being there.

[Deleted User]

If you don't want the presents, let your dd pick a few after opening them, then spirit them away somewhere safe, to be used as presents for other parties (make a note of who gave who to avoid giving back to the original person!)

It's cost a fortune this year in parties, but we've got a nice stockpile of presents to fall back on on

lavandergirl_2

I can understand where your husband is coming from but

What does your daughter thinks? It is her party and her gifts.

Five year olds love receiving gifts. She would be going to her friends' birthday parties and she will see them receiving gifts.

Big birthday parties wont last long, in the next few years she will start celebrating it with a small group of friends.

fierystormcloud

musogirl295 wrote: »

DD's 5th birthday is coming up soon and after much going round in circles we've booked a local venue for a party. We're inviting 15 but will probably not get that many turn up as it is in half term.

DH thinks we should put "no presents required" or something to that effect on the invite. I can see his point about not wanting people to feel pressured with gift giving especially as we don't know many of the kids or parents. However, I am concerned that some may be offended at being told what to do or that some may ignore and bring gifts making those that don't feel bad.

DD has quite enough toys and books however all presents would be gratefully received.

How would you handle this? If you went down the no gifts route how would you word it? Is it the done thing to open presents at the party or wait until later and then send thank you notes?

1st world problems, I know, but any experiences or thoughts gratefully received!

purpleshoes wrote: »

Im not sure why you would organise a birthday party and then say no presents required. Surely the point of having a birthday party is to celebrate the day and then go along to the party with something for the child having the birthday. The present doesn't need to be expensive. I understand about not wanting to upset someone who doesn't have much spare cash but you can get kids presents in pound shops, people don't need to spend a fortune to buy a classmate a present.

I agree with purpleshoes. I have no idea why you would have a party for your child, and would not want anyone to bring gifts for her.

Does your child know that you are telling people to not bring gifts? :huh:

What does SHE think about this?

How do you know they will bring her a toy or a book?

And there are BOUND to be several people who bring presents, making the other people/children feel bad.

Just don't say anything: I wouldn't. Or just don't have the party.

rach_k

I wouldn't mention it at all. I think most children like helping choose a present for their friend and then wrapping and giving it. Why take that away from them? It doesn't have to cost a lot.

At all of the parties we've been to (nursery and Reception age), the presents have been put on a table and taken home to open. Some sent thank you texts later, most didn't bother. As nobody sees what others bought, there's no comparing who spent what and the kids don't have to sit around bored while the birthday child unwraps. You also avoid any unfortunate, "Oh mum look, I got ANOTHER stupid ball" type moments!