Neighbours scaffolding extended over my property

quidsy

Doozergirl wrote: »

Was it worth it?

I can't ever see that creating bad feeling is worth it.

Sometimes people do things that we don't like, but it's how we choose to deal with it that ultimately makes the difference in whether it is something bearable or something that creates permanent bad feeling.

Well yes it was worth it, we could still access our back garden & side access alleyway where we kept bikes to get to work & our bins & didn't have the neighbors scaffolders wandering up & down outside out kitchen window & into our back garden for the 3 months it took them to get the loft done.


The neighbors gave not one jot about the upset & inconvenience caused to us. Why should we have bee the ones to put up with the inconvenience to suit them? Had they been reasonable in the beginning by asking permission & whether they could use any of our side of the fence I would have agreed as long as it allowed us access but by being rude & arrogant they lost my good will.


It isn't up to the op to appease, the neighbors are the ones who want something from the op, not the other way round. Why should they be a doorstop?

Doozergirl

Because if you get angry and bear grudges, the only one it affects is you!

It's not about being a doorstop, it's about proportion. It's also about realising that sometimes things aren't about you - people don't generally gonabout doing things deliberately to annoy others, they do it because they're just getting on and not thinking. The big problems occur when 'thoughtless' is translated by the recipient as 'rude & arrogant' who duly replies in kind.

quidsy

Doozergirl wrote: »

Because if you get angry and bear grudges, the only one it affects is you!

It's not about being a doorstop, it's about proportion. It's also about realising that sometimes things aren't about you - people don't generally gonabout doing things deliberately to annoy others, they do it because they're just getting on and not thinking. The big problems occur when 'thoughtless' is translated by the recipient as 'rude & arrogant' who duly replies in kind.

When you aren't able to get into your own back garden nor store your bins or bikes safely then they've made it about you haven't they? When it actually stops you from using large parts of the property due to their "getting on & not thinking". By making it clear their "thoughtlessness" is a problem, maybe it will stop them from being so in future.


At what point isn't it about you? After they have punched a hole in the wall with a pole, or destroyed the op's conservatory?


Being able to say "this isn't right, you need to move the scaffold or fix the way you have put it up" is perfectly acceptable when it is infringing on your own property.


I'm sure you'd feel the same if you walked out of your house to put up laundry & couldn't actually get to your garden as there is a massive plank & poles blocking your way.


Somethings are worth getting bothered about

Doozergirl

You can't highlight half a sentence!!

The point of it not being about you is about it not being about in the person's head when they are doing the thing that affects 'you' (or rather, your amenity) which is exactly what I said in the second half of that sentence.

I did not say it didn't affect your amenity.

quidsy

Doozergirl wrote: »

You can't highlight half a sentence!!

The point of it not being about you is about it not being about in the person's head when they are doing the thing that affects 'you' (or rather, your amenity) which is exactly what I said in the second half of that sentence.

I did not say it didn't affect your amenity.

I can.


So by not being about to use the amenity isn't affecting you as a person? I disagree.


I pay for a property, I want to use the property as I chose, I am being restricted in that use by someone else's arrogance at their desire to improve their property.


This affects me as a person. It affects elements of my life that I do not want to be affected.


And I & others, the op etc have a right to object & to have the objection resolved.

Doozergirl

Oh my. You can, but what's the point in arguing with something I didn't say or mean because you've chosen to hit on half a sentence?

When the scaffolder put the scaffolding up, he wasn't thinking about you. He wasn't thinking "I'm going to do this to annoy next door", he was probably just doing as he'd been asked by the builder. The builder assumed you knew or didn't even know it was your land. The people who lived in that house probably didn't even consider where the scaffolding was going at all. At that point, it was not about you at all. It was a mistake by a builder that you project as 'rude and arrogant' on the part of the home owner.

Of course it affected your amenity and a conversation about the practicality of the position should ensue.

But if you can appreciate that it probably 'wasn't about you' at that point, you can remove the feeling that they were being 'rude and arrogant' and deal with problems and challenges more effectively and without bad feeling from your own side.

You can treat fire with fire, but what you don't realise is that we create our own reality and that there was no fire to start with. You actually have the ability to choose whether it was accidental (and have an awkward chat) or malicious (and get angry and then not talk to your neighbour for 6 months and move house). What would you rather choose to feel?

It's a personal development thing. Once you get it, life changes.

quidsy

Doozergirl wrote: »

Oh my. You can, but what's the point in arguing with something I didn't say or mean because you've chosen to hit on half a sentence?

When the scaffolder put the scaffolding up, he wasn't thinking about you. He wasn't thinking "I'm going to do this to annoy next door", he was probably just doing as he'd been asked by the builder. The builder assumed you knew or didn't even know it was your land. The people who lived in that house probably didn't even consider where the scaffolding was going at all. At that point, it was not about you at all. It was a mistake by a builder that you project as 'rude and arrogant' on the part of the home owner.

Of course it affected your amenity and a conversation about the practicality of the position should ensue.

But if you can appreciate that it probably 'wasn't about you' at that point, you can remove the feeling that they were being 'rude and arrogant' and deal with problems and challenges more effectively and without bad feeling from your own side.

You can treat fire with fire, but what you don't realise is that we create our own reality and that there was no fire to start with. You actually have the ability to choose whether it was accidental (and have an awkward chat) or malicious (and get angry and then not talk to your neighbour for 6 months and move house). What would you rather choose to feel?

It's a personal development thing. Once you get it, life changes.

You have a different view of it. The builder/scaffolder should have consulted the owner to confirm if the neighbor had been asked, this should then have prompted the owner to ask the neighbor. Problem diverted. There were several stages at which this could have been sorted out before a single pole was put up.


Mine & these others are probably not the first time the builders have had this situation, it would be in their interests to ensure neighbors were all in agreement.


It may not have been about me at this point but they should have made it about me by considering whose property line they were invading.

Doozergirl wrote: »

It's a personal development thing. Once you get it, life changes

lol patronizing much. You aren't some lifestyle guru, you have a way of dealing, it just makes you more pliable and easier to manage by these thoughtless people. I on the other hand get what I want through very little effort, purely by asserting my rights. Try it sometimes, it's very empowering & liberating, not to have to appease.

Doozergirl

I don't appease other people. I appease myself and put things in proportion. If someone does something wrong in a professional capacity, it has to be dealt with fairly.

I don't intend to be patronising. I can't know what's genuinely in their head, so I don't seek to assume the worst. I assume the best case because it suits everyone, not just the other party. I also know that people will do far more for the person who appears understanding and diplomatic rather than confrontational. My life is so much better since Changing the way I think. I'm definitely not a doormat.

You had a problem that meant the scaffolding needed to be moved. I suspect it could have happened without bad feeling and you moving house if you had considered it a mistake rather than your neighbours rude and arrogant.

The OP is not being impeded from living their life and so for me, it's not worth a fight. Choose your battles carefully and you won't end up fighting constantly.

Go and find the site manager. Ask for the conservatory to be protected again, ask if there are any more changes planned to the scaffolding that might affect them. Find out what they are and consider if it causes anything more than a bit of inconvenience - then negotiate by asking nicely. Give them some biscuits, whatever. What ever we give out comes back on us.

No scaffolding is going to go through a brick wall, so we can forget that.

quidsy

I don't appease other people. I don't bother myself with power struggles or paranoia about my neighbours. I appease myself. If someone does something wrong in a professional capacity, it has to be dealt with fairly.


Knowing & exerting your rights neither paranoia or a power struggle. If it is illegal & bothering me, I get it resolved.


I don't intend to be patronising. I can't know what's genuinely in their head, so I don't seek to assume the worst. I assume the best case. I know that people will do far more for the person who appears understanding and diplomatic.


Where did I say I assumed the worst? You are making things up in your own mind to suit your argument.


Understanding & diplomacy only work when the people it is aimed at care, in my case, they had no interest in how their actions & lack of consideration was affecting me & my home.


My life is so much better since Changing the way I think. I'm definitely not a doormat.


Good for you, that clearly works for you but you are being quite dismissive of what is clearly an issue for other people.


There are a lot of things that don't bother me that do bother others but I certainly don't demean them by telling them to change their way of thinking or get over it.


You had a problem that meant the scaffolding needed to be moved. I suspect it could have happened without bad feeling and you moving house.

You suspect wrong. They were asked to move it in a reasonable timeframe in a reasonable manner & given reasonable reasons as to why.


The neighbor didn't think they should have to as "we didn't own & they did". A strongly worded letter with advice from an actual legal professional resulted in the scaffold being removed in the timeframe supplied.


Like I said, very little effort involved. I got the result I wanted, the neighbor was furious, I didn't care. She was madder than a box of frogs & we were thanked by a few other neighbours for putting her in her place.


Once my lease ended I moved to a much nicer place with nicer neighbours. Win/Win for me.


The OP is not being impeded from living their life and so it's not worth the fight. Choose your battles carefully and you won't end up fighting constantly.


Who is constantly fighting?


The op is being bothered by the scaffold, the op has a right to ask for it to be removed, the op has the right to get legal if they don't listen, the op will have ample proof of the dangers if the scaffold damages his property or person. The op can do as I did & threaten to remove it at his own costs & bill them in the small claims court if necessary. These are all within the op's rights & all of them are neither a great expenditure of effort.


No scaffolding is going to go through a brick wall, so we can forget that.


Are you a structural engineer?

littlerock

The scaffolding does not just brace on my side of the house it overhangs my side passage all the way down and now that it has been extended, I have had to cancel the tree pruner coming this week as it would be awkward getting tools in and branches out - the scaffolding is just above the dividing wall above the passages - about 5 feet 6 inches. It also now overhangs my conservatory roof by as much as 2 feet in places and is making me nervous to sit in my conservatory.

When we had the recent strong winds, they had left a large wooden window frame, still containing glass, on the roof, and it blew to one side and all the glass broke and only because it caught on the top of a scaffolding pole, did it not blow out into the garden or onto my conservatory.

When I looked on the roof there was an unsecured ladder lying there and loose tiles and other working materials. The builders had left them over the weekend and the owner had conveniently gone on holiday. It was the weekend of all the storms which were forecast. In the end I had to phone the loft company and get them to come and move them before they also blew away.

Everyone seems to assume this is a one week duration. It has been up for six weeks and it has now been extended, with no sign of coming down anytime soon. They are working at a snails pace as I imagine they are moving between this and other similar jobs. I would also point out that first time around I said I should have been consulted, to both scaffolders and neighbours. Yet they have now extended it without consultation.