Father being duped

Gigervamp

I don't understand why people are still saying that op's father might enjoy this woman's company, after op has said that his father is worried about the situation and his financial security.

OP, you could contact Elder Abuse and see what they suggest.

Mojisola

fivetide wrote: »

This. Although I vote for the 'just rock up' option. At least then you'll see what the interaction is like.

Definitely just turn up (or be there when she's expected) - don't give her a chance to avoid you.

Don't be too quick to challenge her directly - far better to support your Dad to stand up to her if she is fleecing him.

Ruslan_Raevich

DUKE wrote: »

I'd pop round & see this woman, actually I would've done it a long time ago.

Sorry. but what then ? what conclusions can be done ? I'b better talked with father and may be the situation slightly exaggerated.:)

PasturesNew

If he has expressed concern then take over his finances. Take over everything and get him a new account, with online access so you can watch it - where you only transfer a few quid/week into it. He can phone you for more money to be transferred. All bills etc can be paid from the account you're in control of - and you pass "pocket money" to his new account.

You need to get your 4rse over there when this woman's there. I'd also set up a webcam if possible to watch what goes on when you're not there.

Can you move him closer? How often do you visit? How far away is he?

SavingPennies_2

barbarawright wrote: »

Until the OP takes the trouble to meet his father's new girlfriend, he 's never going to know if it is a loving relationship or not

That's why I said "if". You could be right, maybe she hasn't made the effort and she should have, maybe she has tried but the father/new woman have not allowed it - we don't know.

piglet25

'IF' you father is unhappy with the situation and hasn't got the courage to tell her then maybe say to him that she is known for this behaviour? That night give him a nudge in the right direction as he won't be so worried about hurting her feelings x

marisco_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

If he has expressed concern then take over his finances. Take over everything and get him a new account, with online access so you can watch it - where you only transfer a few quid/week into it. He can phone you for more money to be transferred. All bills etc can be paid from the account you're in control of - and you pass "pocket money" to his new account.

That is the last thing that I would do. People wish to retain their independence for as long as possible. Taking over control of a mans finances to the degree where you hand out pocket money and pay his bills for him is as insulting as trying to fleece him. It would send a very strong message to him that he is not trusted to be responsible and okay. He is aware that things aren't right, is questioning them and turning to his daughter for support. Very much still compos mentis in my book.

FatVonD

fivetide wrote: »

This. Although I vote for the 'just rock up' option. At least then you'll see what the interaction is like. If it is all good then there will be nothing to worry about. If there is something dodgy, you'll see it straightaway and you can challenge her on the cars etc.

Yep, I agree with just rock up too. By 'ask to meet' I meant ask the dad when he's next expecting her so the OP knows when to drop in. My mum knew I was dropping in but hadn't mention it beforehand to the woman.

TBagpuss

If your dad is concoerned, talk to him about what he would like. What does he want to achieve.

- If he wants this lady to stop visiting him, then ask him whether he would like you to arrange to be there to support him when he tells her this.
- If he likes spending time but is worried about the financial implications, then discuss options with him. one option might be for him to ask you to manage some of his money for him, which might make it easier for him to say 'no' if she does make demands. This could be on a strictly temporary basis - it may help him to ease away from her and if she is the type of person you describe she may well drop him if she thinks he can no longer support her.

- Would he like you to speak to her on his behalf, perhaps explaining that he is struggling financially and asking that she remind him that he cannot afford it, if he offers to pay for things for her. If she is a gold digger, then this warns her that (a) he is running out of money and (b) his family know about what is happening.

-Ask him whether he would like to see his solicitor to update his will,. and remind him that if he does not want to leave her anything he is not under any obligation to do so, nor is he under any obligation to tell he he has changed his will.

is it possible that he is starting to find dealing with money difficult? If so, talk to him about whther he would like to set up is accouts differently to make it easier - for instance, he could have one account (perhaps with you looking after the bank cards / checque book / security card reader for him) for all his bills and a second account into which money is moved each week for day-to-day spending. This is a little like the 'pocket money' idea except that all the accounts would be his, and he would be free to use them, but on the basis that he needs you to physically bring the card / chequebook for him when he wanted it. It would potentially give him a good excuse for not paying for things 'there and then' and could, if he wished, then ask you for advice, or for support in telling her 'no'.