I'm an invisible person

purpleshoes_2

Well personally, I dont have half an exciting life as some of the threads on here (good and bad). Im a bit of a hermit. I suffered from anxiety for years due to work issues and that crossed over to social anxiety, which people dont see as Im quite chatty and outgoing when people meet me.

I spent a long time rotting away in the house, I think in 2010 I went out once. I started 2013 very big, think 100 kilos big. I joined meet up and that helped me but every so often I revert to just wanting to be on my own, I stayed in for 8 weeks, all of December and January. Sometimes you need to push yourself out there and fake it until things don't seem so scary.

Im 46 and my crisis of confidence hit me when I was about 39 and lasted until a couple of years ago.

My life still isnt what some people's are. I live on my own, have done for almost 20 years now. But its ok. At some point I had to get it into my head that unless I made the effort to do things, socialise, get out there, Id spend another, 5,10, 15 years sitting rotting away at home.

I hope things improve for you.

Kaye1

I am a 'larger lady.' I don't let it make a difference to me.


Today I took the children to a local cider museum (!!) which had a large play area and a walk around to see the animals. (I am tee-total!!) I climbed the balance bar with the kids, walked the big hill (yes I puffed but who cares?) and skipped back down with the children.


Yesterday we spent pretty much all day in the garden.


The day before, we visited a local outdoor activity centre and walked around for the best part of 4 hours.


I do get puffed but the more active you are the better it is. I couldn't run 100 super fast but am happy to walk and play on the beach for 4 hours.


So what I am trying to say, is don't let the fat control you. I know someone who is around the same size as me who uses it as an excuse to avoid things. I am not saying you are, but don't allow it to be a massive issue that controls your life. Walk as much as you can. At the start, you don't even have to get out of breath, just start slowly and build up.


Lots of good positive advice on here, I wish you all the best.

choccyface2006

I think you should used your talent for writing to keep a private diary, I have kept a daily diary for 5 years and it's an incredibly theresaputic way of collating thoughts and feelings and making sense of them. You could include short and long term goals and record achievements so you can see your progress.

If you are determined to make more of your life its a great way to keep on track, even if that means telling yourself off once in a while or a lot! You can vent your frustrations, be completly honest with yourself with no one to judge, and maybe see situations from a different perspective by re-reading previous entries.

Works for me anyway, and it certainly helps me appreciate the life I have now.

Best of luck,
Sarah x

BlondeHeadOn

A writing group or similar sounds like a great idea, as you really do write beautifully OP. Check with your local library, they may know of a suitable group.

Another option that springs to mind is some kind of voluntary work - preferably with a large organisation base like Samaritans, Citizen's Advice or the like. This would get you out the house, doing something new and different with lots of like-minded people, and training so learning new things, and - best of all - a boost to your self esteem by feeling both occupied and useful. And it would be free! Voluntary work can even lead to more satisfying paid work, or at least make the boring paid work less of an issue for you.

I think a feeling of self-worth is the best gift you can give yourself, and this tends to sort the diet situation out anyway - food becomes less all-important when you are busy and fulfilled.

Please do keep posting OP, as you already have a sympathetic following on this forum!

Best Wishes.

fizz

Start with small steps-you have a dog, so as you work from home, check when the 'walkers' are out and walk your dog accordingly. Nod, smile, say 'Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening', and you will soon be having conversations about 'dog' stuff, which will lead to 'other' stuff.
Volunteer at an Animal Rescue Centre, creatures with four legs don't judge and you would be amazed at how much you can gain from this very worthwhile activity. When you feel needed and valued, you really won't feel the need to comfort eat-been there!
As others have said, you write beautifully, and this is something that you should pursue, when you feel okay to do so.

I wish you well, and please update when you can.

fizz.x

nyc_451

You sound a bit like me in a very recent past!

Can't give you any good advice but a few thoughts came to my mind...

It is extremely hard to achieve something on your own. You need some kind of support. I had a manager who was a very good manipulator; he made me like my job and gave me self confidence which meant a very good performance at work ---> colleagues started respecting me ---> I was being asked out more ---> socialising improved my communication skills ---> confidence kept growing, I discovered that quite a few people liked me ---> got a good reputation at work, was promoted, Kept meeting new people and made a few friends, will get good references from my current/previous managers which helps.

So my life improved so much simply because this manager was good at his job and he got the best out of me. He changed my mindset. And that was enough - I was fat at that time, had a boring haircut, didn't wear any make up, was wearing boring clothes - changing my mindset was enough. I can only imagine how my life would improve if I had a good life coach, a personal trainer, a therapist etc. I spent lots of time reading self help books, browsing online, trying to motivate myself...didn't work. If you are in a hole, it means you lack some life skills and I think meeting someone who's got those skills would benefit you more than just reading about things you should be doing.

Also, moving into a shared house doesn't mean you would have to socialise if you don't feel comfortable doing it, it depends on who you live with. That would give you some extra money to spend on yourself. But then a dog might be a problem...

I find this to be an interesting read.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/