Should my housemate pay for the dress she borrowed then ruined?

MR~Mrs

I borrowed some shorts from my friend for a holiday & ripped them, so bought a replacement pair without even a second thought!

Augustus_the_Strong

It wasn't an accident, more like stupidity. If she's really sorry about it, not much you can do. If she isn't very sorry there's still not much you can do except vow not to make the same mistake again. And keep her away from any of your things just in case.

gloriouslyhappy

Whether a made-up dilemma or not, this is the sort of scenario likely to happen to any of us, and any decent person would automatically offer to replace something not belonging to them which they'd damaged. If you knocked over your friend's cup of tea, you'd buy them another without thinking about it, so why not a dress or whatever article was damaged / broken as a direct result of your actions?

Not sure I understand all this emphasis on whether or not it's a made-up dilemma, as surely the purpose is to stimulate discussion of how morality and finances sit together in our complicated world, using specific examples.

aquarius02

If she was a good friend and a decent person, she would have already talked to you about this, or you would have talked to her. Why haven't you? Does she realize the dress has shrunk? I would be very upset either way, and expect her to at least offer to buy a replacement, even though it may be a far cheaper dress

britbird

I would be mortified if I did that to a friend's dress, and the first thing I would do would be to offer to pay. Saying that, I imagine most friends would refuse because of the fear of sounding tight so what I would then do is send them a gift voucher for a store I know they shop in for them to buy something of a similar standard. I don't really think you can ask without risking your friendship. I had a similar situation with a friend on holiday once but involving money. She maintained she left some money I had lent her on the table- it wasn't there. She refused to pay me anything back. She is still a friend today but I have never forgotten it (this was in 1998!)

carolpinkdreamer

I had a similar thing happen. A very close friend of mine was going to Turkey on her hols and asked if she could borrow a pile of my son's summer clothing as she 'didn't want to buy any for her lad for just a fortnight'. I thought it strange because the clothes she meant were clothes that my boy would be wearing here in the summer, just shorts and tshirts etc. (All were nice quality, Next, Adidas etc, because I prefer my kids to always look nice even if that means we don't go abroad every year.)

Anyhow after her hols she came back and moved house. I asked her several times for the clothes back and eventually she said that they had been in a black bin liner, ready to come back to me, and had been thrown out in the house move.
I was furious with her attitude more than anything, but let it go as she was a friend. A couple of years later she got married, moved away and never spoke to me again,

I have toughened up since then x

cheesy*wotsit

If you really need the money, ask. But because the dress isnt new, I'd ask for a percentage.

But really? Forget it. It's not worth the hassle and you learn not to lend out next time. It's not great of your friend to offer something though.

Barryfan

What is the matter with people today? Accident or not (and I assume she wouldn't have done this on purpose!), you lent her the dress and she has made it unwearable. She should offer to pay to replace it. You could always turn it down, but by asking the question I think you feel she should pay. If I did something like that I would offer to pay immediately. I believe that is what a true friend would do.

weeg

There's a rule of thumb with 'posh frocks' that for every time you wear it, you half the price you paid for it, and the dress has paid for itself when it's under a fiver. So, if the dress had had a lot of outings, let it go and tell her you expect her to buy you a drink or 3.

In all decency she should have made an offer of recompense though.

Barbara_Adair

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

If she was a decent enough friend, you wouldn't have to ask, she'd automatically offer.

I was brought up to respect other people's items, and if someone had been good enough to lend me an item then I'd make sure I took good care of it. If I did happen to have an accident with it then I'd offer straight away to pay. I'm always surprised when people don't. Surely it's only good manners to.

I think her reaction would determine what I'd do next. If she was extremely sorry then I'd just let it drop, as accidents happen. If she couldn't care less, then damn right she'd be paying for it.

All depends on how attached you are to the dress I suppose, and how good a friend she is.

It wasn't an accident. The silly woman washed the frock and got it wrong. If I had done that I would automatically have paid, not waited to be asked. I would not have just offered to pay, I would have given the cheque with the ruined frock. And I have been nip poor, so I know whereof I speak. Barri.