help stupid gambling husband

1+1=4

colinrobbie wrote: »

Being a recovering compulsive gambler myself with considerably more credit card debt and outstanding mortgage in LTV terms I'd suggest if the gambling is a far bigger problem than your financial situation.

If he doesn't want to be helped you will be chasing your tail and end up with further financial drain.

Get the gambling sorted first then worry about the finances.

Trying to sort both out. Taking a good look at finances this weekend. Got ga meetings lined up for him. His choice if he wants to attend if his choses not to then that makes my decisions easy cos if he wont put the effort and comitment in neither will I. My fixed rate is up at the end of june so I have a little breathing room there.

1+1=4

Just2Ashamed wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your situation OP. I can relate, although I am the stupid gambling partner It's important to look through the credit cards and see how much has been spent on gambling sites since, as a previous poster has said, this will be treated as cash and charged accordingly. When signing up to online gambling sites they will have done a check which would show on his credit report online, but this is an address and identity check (AFAIK) and therefore wouldn't show to the mortgage providers in itself.

Have any of the gambling debts been linked to an account with the provider you're hoping to remortgage with? The fact that there are no missed payments is a positive, but obviously any outstanding debt (including the car loan) will probably be taken into account when assessing the overall financial position. Do you have someone you could talk to for more specialist advice? Have you taken a look at both of your credit reports? Are you 100% certain that these are the only debts? Is there any chance of remortgaging in your name only (I'm thinking out loud with that last one, you'd need to talk to someone more knowledgeable to

know if this is possible or a good idea)

Hi thanks for the reply. Can I ask you a question is gambling something you can get control of????.
My mortgage is with a local building society and I can get onto 1 of there retension products no problem trouble is there rates are rubbish and I cant take the mortgage out in my own name as I only work part time kids are only 11 and 5

colinrobbie

He won't be cured, but with a desire to stop it can be arrested a day at a time.

It's all about the willingness and desire to stop.

Jhoney_2

What may help him short term, (with his agreement) is to change online account passwords, cut up his cards, for him to put a limit on his access to money per day/week (not sure if that's something that can be lowered?, while he tries to do this.

We all have our compulsions and his addiction is all over the place tempting him - high street, lottery, adverts etc. It's going to be tough, so anything you can do to help, whilst VERY annoying will benefit the family in the long run and give him the strength in the early days which are probably the hardest in terms of breaking a cycle.

If he's trying, try to stay firm but encouraging.

1+1=4

Well he has come in from work ive whats apps him the details of the meetings.... ( im still to angry to talk). 1 meeting for tonight in church at 7pm or 1 for thurday at 7pm above some employment agency, and he has gone straight back out the door telling th kids he is off to church.
fingers crossed short of following him he Is on his way to his 1st meeting.it also means he will be out the house for tonight which is a good thing.

1+1=4

Jhoney wrote: »

What may help him short term, (with his agreement) is to change online account passwords, cut up his cards, for him to put a limit on his access to money per day/week (not sure if that's something that can be lowered?, while he tries to do this.

We all have our compulsions and his addiction is all over the place tempting him - high street, lottery, adverts etc. It's going to be tough, so anything you can do to help, whilst VERY annoying will benefit the family in the long run and give him the strength in the early days which are probably the hardest in terms of breaking a cycle.

If he's trying, try to stay firm but encouraging.

All of the above is going to happen. Im going to have to give him pocket money in effect for at least the next 3 months to try to get some kind of handle on this.

nubbins

I have just PM'd you

Just2Ashamed

1+1=4 wrote: »

Hi thanks for the reply. Can I ask you a question is gambling something you can get control of????.
My mortgage is with a local building society and I can get onto 1 of there retension products no problem trouble is there rates are rubbish and I cant take the mortgage out in my own name as I only work part time kids are only 11 and 5

Yes, I believe it is, but then I have to believe that. In all honesty, gambling is like any other compulsive behaviour - the person isn't going to 'beat it' unless they reach the point that they recognise their destructive behaviour, know they need the destructive behaviour to end and make the necessary changes to make that happen. For some that may only happen when they lose everything, for others it may be as simple as downloading blocking software or placing a restriction on their favourite site.

I hope he did manage to get to GA and that he finds it helpful, engages and starts to work towards recovery. Was it only online gambling or did he also go to bookmakers, use machines in pubs, etc? It's probably worth downloading gambling blocking software such as K2 onto all the household devices - this worked well for me (until I bought a new laptop, forgot to install it and had a relapse, so remember to stay on top of it!) If bookmakers, etc are also a problem then if he lets them know he can self-exclude.

Having an issue with compulsive gambling has opened my eyes to how pervasive it is in society at the moment. There are dozens of adverts on the TV, all over the internet and the high street. This is going to be tough for your husband, but there are plenty of people on this site and elsewhere who have shown that compulsive gambling can be successfully managed and that even desperate financial situations can be turned around. Take some time to be kind to yourself. You've found yourself in a pretty rubbish situation through no fault of your own.

1+1=4

Just2Ashamed wrote: »

Yes, I believe it is, but then I have to believe that. In all honesty, gambling is like any other compulsive behaviour - the person isn't going to 'beat it' unless they reach the point that they recognise their destructive behaviour, know they need the destructive behaviour to end and make the necessary changes to make that happen. For some that may only happen when they lose everything, for others it may be as simple as downloading blocking software or placing a restriction on their favourite site.

I hope he did manage to get to GA and that he finds it helpful, engages and starts to work towards recovery. Was it only online gambling or did he also go to bookmakers, use machines in pubs, etc? It's probably worth downloading gambling blocking software such as K2 onto all the household devices - this worked well for me (until I bought a new laptop, forgot to install it and had a relapse, so remember to stay on top of it!) If bookmakers, etc are also a problem then if he lets them know he can self-exclude.

Having an issue with compulsive gambling has opened my eyes to how pervasive it is in society at the moment. There are dozens of adverts on the TV, all over the internet and the high street. This is going to be tough for your husband, but there are plenty of people on this site and elsewhere who have shown that compulsive gambling can be successfully managed and that even desperate financial situations can be turned around. Take some time to be kind to yourself. You've found yourself in a pretty rubbish situation through no fault of your own.

hi thanks for the reply
he went straight out last night to ga meeting so thats his 1st step but im under no illision that its something he needs to keep doing and not just for me i guess we will see next week if he goes back.
all the gambling that i know of is online (that i know of:mad:). ive now got control of all the accounts and cut up his joint card. i will look to download the soft wear blockers onto the lappy, computer and his phone. im also going to change passwords on lappy and computer so he has no access and downgrade his phone package so there is minimum download on there. then i guess the rest is up to him.

Jhoney_2

Just wanted to say, you are doing really well with sorting everything out and obviously, keep posting if/when you need support to help keep you going. He is a lucky man, but i'm sure he knows that.