help stupid gambling husband

1+1=4

Paully232000 wrote: »

Does he know that you know?

Oh yes. I think the whole street knows :-) why he thought I would never find out is beyond me. We had that argument on sat nite

goodwithsaving

Good luck to you with sorting it all out.

Paully232000

1+1=4 wrote: »

Oh yes. I think the whole street knows :-) why he thought I would never find out is beyond me. We had that argument on sat nite

The GA is a good idea.

Also, I would find out how much this 'roughly' £3000 is exactly.

To see if he really is willing to sort it out and be honest, possibly sit down with him and start by getting all three of his statutory credit reports which should detail exactly what he owes to the nearest month and work from there.

He cant hide anything from the credit agencies but he could 'forget' to show you one of his CC statements. Not trying to be harsh but, as you know, gamblers have a habit of being economical with the truth.

1+1=4

Mojisola wrote: »

Unless he joined GA and made very clear efforts to change his ways, I'd be telling him that he was putting your relationship at risk.

Living with an addict wears you down but most people stay until all trust is eroded and the good feelings are gone and they still have to cope with the debts left over.

Give him every support he needs to change but don't ruin your life if he goes back again and again to his addiction.

This is his 1 and only chance and im still not 100% sure weather to give it too him.i have warned him now is the time to confess up to anything else cos once I start diggin if I find any thing that he has not told me about thats it.i dont suffer fools gladly harsh I know.
I have sorced several ga meeting for him and will tell him to pick 1 but at the end of the day there is only so much I can do.
thanks for the replies so far. Keep them coming. Im off to spend some quality time with my kids in the sunshine before im back at work on thursda.

Just2Ashamed

Sorry to hear about your situation OP. I can relate, although I am the stupid gambling partner It's important to look through the credit cards and see how much has been spent on gambling sites since, as a previous poster has said, this will be treated as cash and charged accordingly. When signing up to online gambling sites they will have done a check which would show on his credit report online, but this is an address and identity check (AFAIK) and therefore wouldn't show to the mortgage providers in itself.

Have any of the gambling debts been linked to an account with the provider you're hoping to remortgage with? The fact that there are no missed payments is a positive, but obviously any outstanding debt (including the car loan) will probably be taken into account when assessing the overall financial position. Do you have someone you could talk to for more specialist advice? Have you taken a look at both of your credit reports? Are you 100% certain that these are the only debts? Is there any chance of remortgaging in your name only (I'm thinking out loud with that last one, you'd need to talk to someone more knowledgeable to know if this is possible or a good idea)

ACG

By putting it on a credit card the chances of it affecting you are massively reduced. However, some online gambling sites DO credit check people. I have actually heard 1 puts a default on your account as standard. Im not sure how true that is, to me it seems wrong.

Get his credit report and check.

Also before committing to a new mortgage and being tied in, have the conversation. Chances are they will promise anything and everything but only you will know.

I realise your not a babysitter - but get him to register on noddle.co.uk, its free and you can keep an eye on whether he has opened up any new credit cards/bank accounts. At least then you will know within a month if anything is wrong.

Mojisola

Mojisola wrote: »

Unless he joined GA and made very clear efforts to change his ways, I'd be telling him that he was putting your relationship at risk.

Living with an addict wears you down but most people stay until all trust is eroded and the good feelings are gone and they still have to cope with the debts left over.

Give him every support he needs to change but don't ruin your life if he goes back again and again to his addiction.

enginesuck wrote: »

Dont throw they guy under the bus just yet !

I didn't suggest she should - allow it sounds as if she's almost reached that stage.

Everyone has their vices, it would be a strange person who can look at themselves and not identify a weakness and or vice. Some drink, gamble etc etc some people are abusive.

I'm glad I don't live your life if most of the people you know are drinkers or abusive or gamblers who lie to their family.

Im sure its actually a weight off his mind. I hid some small debts from my wife MANY years ago, not gambling but things had crept up on me. It was a massive weight off my shoulders and I never had the problem again because we talked about it and solved the problem together.

Which is what I suggested should happen here.

dimbo61

Getting back to the current mortgage
What does it revert to at the end of the fix ? SVR or some form of tracker.
Could you switch to a new deal with your current lender ?
Have a look at your lenders website for new deals for existing customers !
You already owe them £93400 and if you are not borrowing any more money or extending the term they do not credit check you.
They will not give advice ! You have to pick the deal you want so consider what your long term plans and needs are ?

Landofwood

Some gambling sites DO credit check. Sorry for the bad advice people give on this forum.

colinrobbie

Being a recovering compulsive gambler myself with considerably more credit card debt and outstanding mortgage in LTV terms I'd suggest if the gambling is a far bigger problem than your financial situation.

If he doesn't want to be helped you will be chasing your tail and end up with further financial drain.

Get the gambling sorted first then worry about the finances.