I have a man in my life... but not in my house! Is this unusual?

melanzana

I have been with Jxxxx for many years.

A long time I guess. We are mad about each other, but do not live together. He lives in the country, I live in the city.

We hook up a few times a week, either in the country or here.

Then we go and live our own lives for a few days. Neither of us has children.

I love the set up. Freedom when we want, and company when we want, plus all the cuddles and stuff! We are over 50s BTW!

Is that unusual, or what do you think?

It works fine for us, but a few raised eyebrows, and questions about "when are you going to move in together" have got me thinking.

Not that I care mind you, am happy with this. It's perfect in fact, for us anyway!

Just wondered if anyone else has similar living arrangements whilst being a couple. Thanks.

Thistle-down

Sounds great to me.

My mother had a similar relationship with her boyfriend for 21 years, it worked very well for them, too.

ciderwithrosie_2

Sounds ideal - means you don't get under each other's feet and are pleased to see each other when you get together, keeps it from going stale.

I've been married 25 years but if I lost my OH or we split up, there's no way I'd ever want to get married again or live with someone full-time, but I would like some male company/attention when it suited!

amersall

If it works for you both keep it up, it's nice to have the best of both worlds.

bagpussbear

If its suits you both, who cares what anyone else thinks.

My mum and stepdad did the same thing actually, they were together as a couple (not married) for 26 years, but for the last years of their relationship my stepdad moved out and they continued their relationship by living in different homes and seeing each other several times a week.

They got on much better living apart. They loved each other very much, but both had very different interests, and sometimes the rows were pretty severe. Living apart gave them the space they needed, and made their time together much sweeter.

So, it might not be a common thing to do, but if it works for you both, keep at it!

VfM4meplse

To me it sounds ideal if you like someone but they are not your uppermost priority.

However if you madly love someone and cannot bear to be apart from them, I can see how it might work less well. Horses for courses really.

Annisele

I know someone who's had a similar arrangement for over a decade (I know the OP can't be her, because her partner has grown up children).

She's convinced she never wants to move out of London, and he's equally convinced nobody should be asked to put up with London for more than three nights at a stretch. But mostly I think they just like their own space.

I think part of the reason it's so unusual is that most people just can't afford to run separate houses!

Hoipolloi

Sounds ideal to me :beer:

Maz

Tbh, it's the only way I'd ever consider having a relationship again. Sounds fantastic to me!

Lily-Rose_3

melanzana wrote: »

I have been with Jxxxx for many years.

A long time I guess. We are mad about each other, but do not live together. He lives in the country, I live in the city.

We hook up a few times a week, either in the country or here.

Then we go and live our own lives for a few days. Neither of us has children.

I love the set up. Freedom when we want, and company when we want, plus all the cuddles and stuff! We are over 50s BTW!

Is that unusual, or what do you think?

It works fine for us, but a few raised eyebrows, and questions about "when are you going to move in together" have got me thinking.

Not that I care mind you, am happy with this. It's perfect in fact, for us anyway!

Just wondered if anyone else has similar living arrangements whilst being a couple. Thanks.

Is it unusual? Yes.

Is there anything wrong with it? Absolutely not.

I bet there are plenty of people who have been married/with someone for many years, who would quite happily live separately and just meet up at weekends and a couple of evenings a week. :rotfl: To not have someone hogging the remote and leaving dirty washing all over the shop, whiskers in the sink, skids in the loo. and a dirty ring around the bath, and to be able to sleep without incessant snoring, and to be able to watch what you want on tv without someone constantly yapping over it, to be able to surf the net without being asked who you're talking to on the internet, or who sent that text or who you've been talking to on the phone.

Ok maybe peoples other halfs aren't like that all the time, and there a many plusses to living together, like always having someone to chat to, or pop to the pub with of an evening, or play cards with or play a video game with, or have cuddles with in the evening, or to share a bottle of wine with in front of the cosy fire, in front of a film. Someone to chat into the night with til 3am, or to go for a romantic walk with at the drop of a hat, on a sunny Spring evening. If you don't live with your partner, these things ar not so easy to do.

So it's horses for courses really...

But when someone says 'when are you going to move in together?' Just say 'never.' If they ask why, just say, 'because we are fine as we are!' Must be as annoying as the constant 'when ya getting married?' and 'when ya having a baby?' questions people get!

People need to mind their beeswax!!!

This post interested me...

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

Sounds ideal - means you don't get under each other's feet and are pleased to see each other when you get together, keeps it from going stale.

I've been married 25 years but if I lost my OH or we split up, there's no way I'd ever want to get married again or live with someone full-time, but I would like some male company/attention when it suited!

I have to ask why? (To the bolded statement.)

Why would you never live with anyone again?

Georgiegirl256

Lily-Rose wrote: »

To not have someone hogging the remote and leaving dirty washing all over the shop, whiskers in the sink, skids in the loo. and a dirty ring around the bath, and to be able to sleep without incessant snoring, and to be able to watch what you want on tv without someone constantly yapping over it, to be able to surf the net without being asked who you're talking to on the internet, or who sent that text or who you've been talking to on the phone.
?

So you've met my DH then? :rotfl: You've just described him to a tee! What is it with the whiskers in the sink and the constant yapping when trying to watch the tv? :mad:

OP, I know a lot of couples in a situation similar to yours, and it works for them. So if it's working ok for you and your OH then why change it? Carry on doing what's best for you both.