Relationship with Mother - Annual Visit

Mojisola

enginesuck wrote: »

I think its likely we will just bite the bullet and visit - I cant see any other way.

What about the 'every other year' option?

If they want to see the grandchildren in between, they can make the effort to travel.

Justwe03

If it's costing that much in fuel could you hire a car instead for dropping the kids off and picking them up? My 1L 107 does 375 miles on £38-£40 of fuel.

If the grandparents are happy to have them alone for a week and you don't want to stay why not let them go, you don't have to ise up your annual leave and you have a week alone with the wife at less than half the cost of spending a week being miserable.

barbiedoll

Instead of using a whole week of your annual leave, can't you plan around a bank holiday weekend (maybe the one at the end of May which coincides with half-term) and do a long weekend instead?

I know it's a long drive for just a few days but you could start out very early (4-5am) and just have a nap when you get there.

If you left on a Thursday, spent Thurs night, Friday, Saturday and Sunday with your parents, then travelled back on the Monday, you could take Tuesday off to recover and you've still only used up 3 days annual leave. If you go back to work on the Tuesday, you've only used two days which leaves you 3 extra days which you could use to have a cheapy holiday with your own family.

I use most of my annual leave around Bank Holidays when I can!

whitewing

I would drive up, leave the children with them, and stay somewhere else with the wife.

Have some idea of places that you and the wife will visit on day trips and then leave it free that any combination of grandparent and child can go with you, or not go at all.

Be flexible.

Grumpygit

Rather like you, my hubby didn't get on with his mother during his teens and lived in the same city, but when he met me he moved to over 600 miles away and to the Channel Islands.

She is widowed but still has her younger son living a stones throw away and she has admitted to me that out of the two of them the younger one is her favourite. There has also been fallings out between OH and his brother however.....

We used to always go up and ended up having to go there 3 times in one year due to events which was a drain on our finances big time due to ferry/travel costs (we did stay with her with didn't cost us anything), but since that last time, we haven't been back up which was about 8 years ago. She has been over to us 3 times in the 14 years he has been here. She has been invited back over but hasn't - she is very able bodied and she could fly but refuses so we just leave her to it.

Whilst she would probably love us to go back up there, we have no immediate plans to - they talk weekly on the phone.

The world is a bigger place and you shouldn't be tied down to going to see them every year - if they can't accept that for at least one year you are going elsewhere then it is very short sighted of them and a bit selfish.

I know you say that they dote on your children and it's they dote back, they also need other experiences and as they get older, costs go up and ok, they may not want to spend a lot of time with their grand parents when they are in their teens and ok, you don't know what the future holds in that they won't be around for ever, but don't be pressured into doing what other people always expect.

One year away from them is not the end of the world and if something were to happen you may regret not having this week with them, but you can't live your life saying what if.....

Don't feel guilty for going somewhere else for a week.

AmyTurtle

With all due respect, if your kids and parents only see each other once a year they can't be that close, and if your parents really 'doted' on your children they would make the effort to travel to see you as well as you going there.
Unless you want to be stuck doing this for at least the next 10 years until your children are adults I'd nip it in the bud now.
As a poster above said, invite your parents, give some options regarding dates and travel, then the ball is in their court. If they choose not to visit, then that is their choice.
Quite apart from the fact that you don't enjoy your parent's company, I'm a firm believer that travel abroad broadens children's horizons considerably - more so than having groundhog week with their grandparents every year.

lonestar1

Tell parents you can't get leave this summer but the kids would love to see them if they could make it to yours for a week during the school holidays

paddy's_mum

I think whitewing's suggestion in post number 15 is the sensible option, giving a large amount of freedom of choice with the least possibility of friction.

I would add also that if you don't actually enjoy their company, your wife doesn't want to go and the last time you visited there was a blazing row, it would be asking for trouble to just "bite the bullet" as you propose.

With all these feelings of profound irritation and resentment, this could so easily blow up in your faces and cause an irreparable rift and nobody, least of all your children, gain anything whatever from such a thing.

It would surely be wiser to find an answer that, although it might not be perfect, ticks most of the boxes, don't you think?

securityguy

enginesuck wrote: »

still cost £250 in fuel and £150 in travel lodge accomodation for the drop off and pick up - and 1200 miles on the car

Friends and Family railcard. And of course, your parents either have or can get an Over Sixty railcard. I can't be doing with people who "arent willing to travel anymore" unless there's a very good reason, and they have the time to make the long journey which for you cuts into your leave.

I think its likely we will just bite the bullet and visit - I cant see any other way.

I'd just invite them and if they don't come, leave it. If they won't travel, then they clearly aren't bothered about seeing you or your children.

Jagraf

Why don't you ask the kids what they would like to do? Your folks could pick them up by train and drop them back again.