My idiot son is a bully! Allegedly

elisebutt65

Can't believe it! After all the stuff I've talked about with him, the way I thought I'd brought him up, the way he's treated at home and he's just been excluded from school for apparently waging war on another kid!!

He's 14, at a brand new academy for yr 10s up, so all kids were new in September, but a couple of mates from his old school there with him.

When I write it down, it seems trivial, but the school have had him in isolation for 2 days so it must be serious, but basically he was watching another boys YouTube in Computer Science class and made derogatory remarks about it. Whereupon this other lad had a go at him physically so the teacher had to separate them. My son was then put into isolation, with the other one taunting him. The teachers told my son to have no contact IRL or online.

Then at the weekend, my son was on one of his online games and this other lad popped up on the server, so he said hello. Nothing else: no harassment. He showed me and he just says hello and carries on playing. Unfortunately my son and another player had a disagreement and they were cussing each other out. This other (bullied?) lad screenshots the lot, even though it was nothing to do with him and takes it into school.


DS gets into school on Monday and within 5 minutes, he's in isolation again for communicating with the BO (bullied one). I.e saying hello!!
It's taken me until this afternoon to finally hear from the school. Apparently he's been harassing the BO by phone in class today & yesterday. This is despite the fact that the school confiscated his phone when they put him in isolation. So how's hes managed to pull that off, they couldn't say. In isolation, they don't have any lessons, phones or laptops. So effectively staring at the walls for 2 days!

I really want to work with the school on this but I really think they've gone too far. My son is now excluded until start of term next month! I am removing his pc and Internet access unless he is doing supervised homework but he is going to his dad's for a week on Saturday and he lets him get away with pretty much anything, so I always get to be the bad guy.
I'm at my wits end really here.
Help?

securityguy

Online games: morally, intellectually and socially ugly. Why do parents have them in the house?

I have teenage children and a house full of more technology than you can shake a stick at. But no gaming: no X Boxes, no Play Stations, no games on the computers. It doesn't half reduce the amount of aggro.

j.e.j.

Is this your younger son? The one who reduced you to tears several times when you were suffering from cancer, once even telling you to go and die? The one who by your own admission is a horrible sociopathic little g1t?


Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear about your own flesh and blood but if that is the son you're referring to I doubt if there's any 'allegedly' about it. He sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work.

elisebutt65

Yup. That's the one. Not making allowances, but I think that was a combination of me having cancer & puberty hitting. He's been a little sweetheart since his stepdads (my oh) had words with him early last year, before we all moved in together.

Since we all moved house and he moved school, things have been going great. I'm back at work full time, oh is working from home most days so gets DS up for school etc.

He really hasn't been sociopathic at all since 2013 ( that sentence makes me laugh).

littleredhen

Make an appointment with school and go in and see them and find out what has happened

MothballsWallet

The first thing that I thought when reading the OP was: why is YouTube being allowed in Computer Science class??!!

OP, I don't understand how someone who's had their phone taken off them and put into isolation could phone someone else either (unless they had a 2nd phone secreted on them)?

Flyonthewall

Have you actually spoken to your son properly about it?

Were the comments on the Youtube channel that bad or was he just joking around? Perhaps took it too far or it was misunderstood? Did he fight back and if so was it just in defense or did he actually attack him?

It doesn't really sound like he's bullying the other lad. More that it's just one incident where he said some stupid things that has now got out of control

He shouldn't have said hello to him online, but it's stupid that the school put him in isolation for it and what he says to other people (non-pupils) outside of school is none of their business. Sounds like the other lad is now just trying to cause trouble and perhaps the school don't know how to deal with it.

I think you need to talk with the school and his Dad and also talk with your son and tell him to avoid all contact with the other lad. Make sure he doesn't even game online with him, even if he doesn't say anything. If your son does say anything it should be to apologise for what he said but best if an adult is around in case the other lad still wants to cause trouble.

Flyonthewall

securityguy wrote: »

Online games: morally, intellectually and socially ugly. Why do parents have them in the house?

I have teenage children and a house full of more technology than you can shake a stick at. But no gaming: no X Boxes, no Play Stations, no games on the computers. It doesn't half reduce the amount of aggro.

Games, especially online ones where you can communicate with others, can improve communication skills (written and verbal), improve hand to eye coordination, educate, be a great way to socialise and more.

Gaming has many advantages.

securityguy

Flyonthewall wrote: »

Games, especially online ones where you can communicate with others, can improve communication skills (written and verbal), improve hand to eye coordination, educate, be a great way to socialise and more..

Whatever you say. It certainly sounds like it's helping the OP's son's education.

Marisco

Flyonthewall wrote: »

Games, especially online ones where you can communicate with others, can improve communication skills (written and verbal), improve hand to eye coordination, educate, be a great way to socialise and more.

Gaming has many advantages.

Sounds like what we used to do when we were kids, only it involved face to face contact - before computers were invented.

maman

If you genuinely want to work with the school then you won't help the situation by saying (especially to your son) and believing that they've gone too far.


There might be an automatic interview before your son is readmitted next term but if not I'd request one. Your son need to make a commitment going forward how he intends to behave, how it will be monitored and be aware of what will happen if he doesn't.


Meanwhile I think banning him from everything won't help. He needs to know that if he behaves well at home then he can earn back your trust. So a bit of stick but there needs to be some carrot. If he's totally banned from everything he enjoys for all the school holidays then what's he got to aim at. Ideally his dad would be on board with that too.


It's obvious from the little you've told us that your son is not behaving appropriately at school. It sounds like he's intended to make a fresh start, he knows what's right and wrong but now the novelty is wearing off.


Many schools will take a hard line because they are more interested in their reputation and the learning environment for the majority than individual students who are wasting people's time. So schools like this new academy will do their best to weed out troublemakers or make them toe the line. That's how academies can boast of successes, the problem pupils go elsewhere.