My demanding 5 year old

Errata

Nicki wrote: »

Try having a look at the book The Out of Synch Child by Carole Kranovitz which has lots of tips and techniques for helping children who are hypersensitive in certain situations.

Your daughter doesn't particularly sound like she has autism to me (or at least you haven't posted anywhere nearly enough information about her to make that judgment) but she does sound as though she notices stimuli that most of us take in our stride and finds these difficult sometimes and so she may need some coping mechanisms with them to make her (and the rest of the family's) life easier.

She's only having tantrums in her own home, are you saying she only "notices stimuli" within her own home and nowhere else? Doesn't add up.

Nicki

Errata wrote: »

She's only having tantrums in her own home, are you saying she only "notices stimuli" within her own home and nowhere else? Doesn't add up.

No, if you read the link it's not unusual for coping mechanisms to vary, as with lots of other issues. Most of us can for example put up with things in the workplace which would drive us to distraction if we had to endure them at home too, or endure (even enjoy) stimuli for short periods but would be stressed by them for longer periods.

Indie_Kid

Errata wrote: »

She's only having tantrums in her own home, are you saying she only "notices stimuli" within her own home and nowhere else? Doesn't add up.

Indeed.

I do have numerous problems with my senses and wherever I go, it is an issue.

spartacusthe1st

Thank you again everyone.
They both go to bed at 7 and are up at 7 so she is getting plenty of sleep.
I guess this is just a phase and added to being highly strung and sensitive makes it a bit worse than usual!
I think she knows she can get away with it with me as I will pander to her to stop her from kicking off.
We do do the 'naughty step' so it looks like I will have to start being firmer and put her on it more often

sheramber

spartacusthe1st wrote: »

Thank you again everyone.
They both go to bed at 7 and are up at 7 so she is getting plenty of sleep.
I guess this is just a phase and added to being highly strung and sensitive makes it a bit worse than usual!
I think she knows she can get away with it with me as I will pander to her to stop her from kicking off.
We do do the 'naughty step' so it looks like I will have to start being firmer and put her on it more often

I think she knows she can get away with it with me as I will pander to her to stop her from kicking off.

Children pick this up very quickly.

At 5 years old I would tell her to get her own socks if she didn't like the ones she had.

I would also ignore her- even walk away- when she kicks off and tell her to come and get you when she has finished.

Intelligent children can suffer from frustration as they have not yet developed the physical abilities to go with that intelligence.

But children do need to learn how to cope with frustration without kicking off.

Errata

spartacusthe1st wrote: »

I think she knows she can get away with it with me as I will pander to her to stop her from kicking off.
n

Harsh as it may sound, you're pandering to her for your benefit, not hers, and also very deliberately not giving your older daughter the attention she's entitled to.
You're enabling your 5 year old to rule the roost.

pollypenny

I've just come back home now, being very annoyed with the label at the back of my jumper, which irrated me all the way home.

But I'm old enough not to have a tantrum about it. You could cut labels out for her. However, I'm sure she'll get over this stage,

bylromarha

Similar family life here. Eldest is mostly a breeze. 8 yr old younger sibling is very hard work, peaked aged 4-6, having silly tantrums over things as you describe. It was never pandered to. We tried different forms of defusing techniques, ignoring, positive reinforcement, discipline through the years. None really work TBH. She just went through the motions of having strops over stupid things.

She's now 8 and we still see the ridiculous behaviour fly out of nowhere about once a month. Nothing and no-one can get her out of it and she is content to live with the consequences of any discipline that is put in place at the time of her losing it. She lost a sleepover during her last blow out, and was sad she had lost it, but realised her behaviour was wholly unacceptable.

She now has strategies to calm herself down, so we let her get on with it and work it through and leave later than planned when she does have her angry moments. We then arrange punishment with her after she has calmed down as there is absolutely no reasoning with her during the anger - she goes from 0-60 in 3 seconds...

It's annoying to live through right now, but think of the determined, single minded young lady you have the priviledge to shape and mould and what a success she'll be as an adult because of it!

Fen1

Just a very boring practical note. I have sensitive skin so the smallest thing can irritate. I cannot wear wool at all, it has to be synthetic or cotton yarn. Full polyester makes me sweat, therefore itch ( the bane of the 70s and 80s wardrobe ). My mum used to cut out all the tags, and I would wear my undies and socks inside out. The seams on socks and undies are huge when you put them in relation to the amount of fabric used in childrens' clothes. I still wear things inside out and cut out tags.
It may help her feel more in control by asking her to lay out her wardrobe the night before: socks, pants, dress. Does she wear a petticote under her dresses and skirts? An extra soft cotton layer between her skin and her clothing might help.

Indie_Kid

Fen does make a good point. I'm generally ok; but wool is absolutely horrible for my skin.