My demanding 5 year old

spartacusthe1st

I have 2 daughters aged 8 and 5.
The 8 year old is as good as gold and always has been.
The 5 year old is a different story.
She has always been very hard work even as a baby, she always had to be held, she was always very fussy etc.
Since she was a toddler she has been very sensitive and highly strung, simple things can set her off and she will scream,hit, shout, stamp her feet, hop from foot to foot,and flap her arms about.

Things like 'bumpy' socks and her school collar not being right will cause her to jump around and get into a panic.
She's nothing like this at school and around other people.

For the most part I always stay calm and try and talk her through it and explain things to her or get her some different socks but once she's started getting into a tizz it takes a good 5/10 mins to sort it out.
It's very annoying as something as simple as putting socks on can take ages!!
I feel bad for her sister as she's so well behaved and she usually gets very little attention as I'm so busy trying to placate the younger one.
Does anyone have a child like this or have any tips??
Thanks in advance-a worn out mum!!:o

chazsucks

Sounds similar to my kids, eldest has been 'easy' since birth - he has always been quick to learn, easy to please, laid back etc.

My youngest a completely different story. Very similar to your youngest in a lot of ways - things I would never have thought of send him into a breakdown, either crying and screaming until he's worn out or so angry he wants to throw or hit things. Thing's like certain materials that his clothes are, certain sounds such as the radio, types of food...

He has just turned 4 and is only just talking, and still people other than friends or family can't understand him... which I think frustrates him even further.

Sometimes I get upset and wonder if I've done something wrong, or maybe he never had as much me-time as my eldest because for a couple of years he was an only child, but I just don't know.

I don't really have any advice - sorry - but am following this post because I also have days where 90% of my attention is with him, and I feel horrible that my eldest ends up being left to get on with things because all my time and attention is focused on my youngest

Mupette

maybe i should tread on egg shells, but as the child is the youngest do you think you pander to them just a little teeny bit being the baby? If you can hand on heart and be absolutely honest if you say no then perhaps they are a child that needs limits and boundaries to feel secure, health visitor would be the one to chat to i think.

gayleygoo

It sounds like you're doing well, it's not easy having a "fussy" child, and patience can wear thin! My almost 8 year old DD was always quite "easy" and my nearly 5 year old DS sounds much the same as your younger daughter - bumpy socks, sleeves that are too long, labels on clothes bother him, very particular about what clothes he'll wear! Actually I remember being quite similar about those things when I was wee, and I've more or less grown out of most of them... but my mum was a saint for putting up with me at the time!

Not sure what advice to give, apart from allowing extra time for getting dressed (it always seems to be when I am in a rush that the fussiness is worse), help her learn to "fix" her socks and collar herself or insist she goes back to pick out her own socks etc. Encouraging independence can help, but it can also be a slow and frustrating process for all involved.

My DS is normally quite laid back with other activities however, so when he goes into sock-induced rage I have to stifle my giggles! Sometimes I have to hold his hand and do some sort of anger-management technique (take a few deep breaths, count to 10, hug a teddy, etc, there are lots of things you could try so see what works for your DD).

It could be that this is a particularly difficult phase and will hopefully pass or at least get a bit easier soon!

yllop1101

Sounds like she may be autistic, at least on the spectrum somewhere? Many people with autism struggle with sounds and textures, as well as showing some behavioural difficulties. Maybe speak to your GP?

jayII

Mine (now young adults) were similar to your two. I found that giving them simple chores helped a lot 'once you're dressed/ready, I'm going to do xyz, do you want to help?' followed by lots of praise when whatever job was done. My little one is very determined and likes to have purpose and to be in control, so giving her those things helped a lot. She was suddenly focussed on getting to the chore, rather than her socks, tights etc.


My little one still likes to have purpose now, but is able to channel her energies herself. She's really lovely and takes great pride in being a very capable young woman.

jenhug

Autistic spectrum disorder springs to mind.

spartacusthe1st

Chad and gayleygoo thank you. I feel like I can relate to you, and yes all of her clothing has to be perfect not too long/short it has to mAtch/look nice.
Muppete thanks for your input, yes I probably do baby her slightly sometimes, but other times she is very independent. And yes having to hurry up and rush makes the whole thing ten times worse and she gets more hysterical.

I feel like I'm walking on egg shells trying to keep her happy so she doesn't kick off so that's why I'm easier on her than the older one.

I have looked into the autism signs and she may have one or two But then she's completely the opposite of some of the other signs....she loves getting mess/wet/loves hugs/makes friends easily/very social/not bothered about routine etc.

Thanks everyone for your input

pollypenny

yllop1101 wrote: »

Sounds like she may be autistic, at least on the spectrum somewhere? Many people with autism struggle with sounds and textures, as well as showing some behavioural difficulties. Maybe speak to your GP?

No, no.

Far too early to be labelling a child. She's just fussing and, as said, may have been babied slightly.

Use the coping techniques suggested. There's nothing wrong with wanting matching clothes and she's likely to have picked that up.

Give her time. She's only 5. She's feeling her way any trying to be independent.

davsidipp

My daughter had same issues from a toddler.shes 26 and still the same.she has had help over the years,but has now accepted its part of her make-up and personality.and yes she was hard work,but I accepted it because I loved her.

peachyprice

yllop1101 wrote: »

Sounds like she may be autistic, at least on the spectrum somewhere? Many people with autism struggle with sounds and textures, as well as showing some behavioural difficulties. Maybe speak to your GP?

Bam, there it is, just 5 posts in.