What To Do! Potential Life Changing Decision

mrsscattercushion

I have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and know what a debilitating yet unpredictable illness it can be.

I, with my OH's full support, made the decision to take a "career break". Not a true one in essence, as I resigned from my job, but am taking 3-6 months to try and get my condition under control and know what I can do re work. I'm a qualified social worker and was managing a fostering service, so v stressful, unpredictable, crazy hours and driving....I was probably close to the company letting me go, due to my health, so made the decision to take things into my own hands.

I'm also 39, OH was made redundant from the Civil Service in August last year. I was the main bread winner, and we comfortably managed on my salary, and his redundancy package. He started work again in Feb, so we made the decision my health had to come first.

We are fortunate in many ways. No debt other than our mortgage, no children, and the buffer of a fairly large amount of savings. so all these things made the decision easier. But losing over £2.5k a month from my wage had to be carefully factored in.

My contribution now is supporting his job, household chores, doing our allotment and being very MSE. I also have the task of trying to sort my health and figuring out what work I do.

Sorry if a long ramble but in essence my advice would be lots of talking and looking at your sums/outgoings/potential pitfalls. Try and make any decision a joint one. Look at your priorities....I knew that having lots of money and nice things was ok, but not if I continued to suffer and I was not able to enjoy the life we could have.

So far, the best thing I have done....

Good luck!

Anoneemoose

getmore4less wrote: »

Perhaps I should clarify,

If the SOA reflects the current situation(outgoings) then you are exposed and not enough left to give the feeling of not being skint(your not just hubby feels like that on this SOA so go with it).

It is however very generous in some areas so a repriortization of where you get value from your money could turn this around into an reasonable SOA with less exposure and still achieve your goals with a bit of luxury.

You make the choices of how you want to spend you money but often we forget to review our priorities.

I would review,
TV, internet,mobiles.
Do you watch all the things you have enough to justify the expense.
Just before Xmas we got now TV box with that you can PAYG, movie, entertainment packs, sport. know some fid they can get away with free view sat and time shifting stuff, loads of stuff on line a well

Presents upto you but does seem out of proportion with other spends

Entertainment, with 4 people days out are not cheap but if you combine this with holidays you could priortize

Holidays see above.

Not enough info to know if going down to one car is feasable, these are the biggest money pit people have.


I think you can get to where you need to be but it does need some discusions and adjustments and comprimise.

The lack of a cash buffer would be my biggest concern.

I understand what you're saying and agree with you in relation to what could be reduced in the budget. The holiday has previously been for 5 people as I have an elder son at uni who came with us up until last year.

The entertainment budget pays for things like play areas for the kids, takeaways (which we have reduced as we are both trying to shift some weight), meals out (our main source of 'entertainment' as we have date night approx once a month). Mobiles are for 3 - we pay for mine and my eldest DS's but he will take over his at the end of contract. Hubby's is paid for by work. The £63.99 includes home phone, broadband, virgin tv and monthly nextflix subs. Personally, I would quite happily lose the Virgin but hubby won't. We have had that discussion before.

As I say, I wouldn't do anything at all until the credit card was clearead and we have at least £3000 in an emergency fund. IF hubby was made redundant for any reason, his payout would be approx £40000 at last confirmation as he has been there so long.

If I am able to find a way to keep working, I will for as long as possible so I can get as much money under our belts as possible. I am just really struggling right now.

ReadingTim

This is not about money - this is a relationship question, and what roles and responsibilities each party in it see for themselves and each other.

The assumption appears to be both parents working, and (I assume) contributing to household finances, with expenditure to match. Obviously health issues have complicated this arrangement, but I suspect each party (in their own way) has hoped things will improve and get back to normal, and probably avoided confronting the implications of the health issues and their possible impact on the relationship.

If you now want to change the rules of the game OP,I think it's essential you get the agreement of the other player - your husband, otherwise I can't imagine it'll end well. The money doesn't matter, it's the principle.

I think you need to have a serious conversation about what would happen if you stopped working, either of your own accord, or as a result of health problems because you may need unconditional support in the future, and your other half may be unable or unwilling to give it.

carrielovesfanta

Hi,


I'm sorry to hear that you aren't well. My mother in law has fibromyalgia and I've seen first hand how awful it can be and how hard it can be for others to understand.


I thought I would just point you in the direction of the following:


https://www.gov.uk/rights-disabled-person/employment


Legally, if your fibro makes you classified as disabled, then your work must try to work out ways to hep you continue to work with your fibro, where possible.


HTH

Anoneemoose

ReadingTim wrote: »

This is not about money - this is a relationship question, and what roles and responsibilities each party in it see for themselves and each other.

The assumption appears to be both parents working, and (I assume) contributing to household finances, with expenditure to match. Obviously health issues have complicated this arrangement, but I suspect each party (in their own way) has hoped things will improve and get back to normal, and probably avoided confronting the implications of the health issues and their possible impact on the relationship.

If you now want to change the rules of the game OP,I think it's essential you get the agreement of the other player - your husband, otherwise I can't imagine it'll end well. The money doesn't matter, it's the principle.

I think you need to have a serious conversation about what would happen if you stopped working, either of your own accord, or as a result of health problems because you may need unconditional support in the future, and your other half may be unable or unwilling to give it.

I agree to a certain extent but I don't WANT to change any rules. The rules may HAVE to be changed. I also agree we need to have another proper conversation because the ones I have tried before haven't had any great outcome.

It is a relationship issue yes...seems that in sickness and in health is not as it would seem!