What To Do! Potential Life Changing Decision

Serendipitious

I do sympathise, both these conditions are extremely debilitating.

5 days at 5 hours can feel pretty much like fulltime, I think, by the time you get geared up to go in, do the job, and get home again, almost all the day is taken up anyway unless you start really early.

You don't say what you do, but as a short term trial, could you do 4 days x 6 hours instead and take the extra day off midweek so you never work more than two days at a stretch? That would only make a one hour a week difference to your employer and you could see how it goes. Also with the better weather coming, does your Fibro tend to ease during the summer? (Just wondering if it does, and if you feel ok, you might be able to defer finishing work till the autumn.) If even the thought of any of this feels exhausting, then probably it's time to stop work altogether.

Another factor is whether you have holidays due to be taken and can you space out the year's entitlement to give you regular frequent breaks?

Having said all that, I'd be tempted to quit and enjoy the relief if finances permitted. Burn out and exhaustion isn't worth any pay cheque.

Sazzie23

If you try to stay at work, I think you might be better working 4 days of 6 hours than 5 days, people I've supported (as a union rep) have found having a 2 on, 1 off more beneficial with similar health issues.

The giving up completely is huge, and I understand that the threat of disciplinary and potential sacking is a massive stressor and stress makes fibryalgia and many other long term illness much worse. Not sure of your age but assuming that early retirement on ill health is not an option? Is it a large organisation you work for? Ask to discuss your options with HR and a union rep (or take a colleague).

On a personal note, if OH is not supportive of you giving up, IMO it could create problems with your relationship in the future. I think there is work to be done to help OH understand the nature of your health issue....is there any information leaflets available from support groups or hospital on the illness and how is makes you feel, what makes it worse and what helps. There are lots of advances being made in this group of illness and it could be that giving yourself a time to recover, you will improve and be able to go back to part-time and possibly even fulltime work in the future.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

getmore4less

Anoneemoose wrote: »

We haven't discussed it fully but when I mentioned it he said "oh, we have only just started to be able to afford nice things"!

To be fair, compared with some, we were able to afford nice things before that.

You need to do 2 SOA one now and one based on the single income.

Work out what you will be giving up.(spending, saving, longer term like retirement).

Then you can look at what generating some income but less than now(to fit in with the health) can put back into the mix.

As long as the needs are covered you can juggle the wants.

Red-Squirrel_2

You say you are going to see the consultant for the first time, while I'm sure they won't have a miracle cure, they may have some experience of helping people with your conditions to stay in work as long as possible and have ideas that may help.

Health comes first of course, but if you enjoy your job and if you and your OH are enjoying the little extras and the lifestyle that the money you earn brings, then don't discount the potential health/psychological impact of giving up too.

Meatloaf1981

Instead of looking for flexible working, you might want to consider applying for going entirely part time at two to three days a week or whatever you feel you can manage. Employers have to make reasonable adjustments of course but you have to try and meet them halfway as well, otherwise you will feel like they're trying to get shot of you.

enthusiasticsaver

I think this has to be a joint decision and if your OH is not on board and does not think you should give up work then you either need to convince him your health issues are debilitating enough to stop altogether or perhaps look at reducing your hours if that is a possibility. I have worked the hours you do - 5 hours on 5 days and to be honest by the time you have built in the travelling time you might as work full time. Can you job share and go down to 2 or 3 days a week just to bring in something?


I think if you give up work without OH being happy with it then you may incur resentment down the line. Also presumably this will severely impact on your pension. How old are you?

Anoneemoose

Thanks again.

I am 39 - so yes, pension wise it would be affected - although I am yet to find out about just how much.

I don't think it would be possible for me to reduce my hours to less than the 4 days I have requested. Although that isn't definite, I've have been told it in not so many words!! You're right about it being like full time because I work 09:30 - 14:30 but I am up with my kids and then drop them off before travelling to work in the next town. I then hang around at work until about 14:45 before going to pick them up. So, by the time I get in, empty lunches and bags etc, it is usually about 4:15 anyway.

I used to do 2 full days a week but have been told that's not an option either. It is a big company that I work for but my dept is quite small and doing the 2 full days again wouldn't really be feasible. Although there is one person who does 3 days a week. My company are notorious for finding 'legitimate' reasons for declining flexi working.

My OH is generally very good but I can't blame him for not really getting how it is. I mean, I am still in denial slightly about what I can and can't do so it's no wonder he is. I am really hoping that there will be a way of keeping me in work because I do love it, I just really am scared the choice will be taken away. I really, really struggled yesterday trying to concentrate. My body felt like someone had stuck a straw in me and sucked out all my energy. It has taken me about an hour to type this because I am fatigued and have had to keep coming back to it! This is how I have found things at work too.

I do also worry about resentment from my OH, even if he didn't mean to be, it would be hard not to think "if only Anon was back at work, we would be able to do x, y AND z".

Red-Squirrel_2

Would it be possible to do your job in another department or with another employer that might be more open to shorter hours/flexible working?

At the moment, you seem to be thinking its either this job or no job, might there be a third option of a new job or a transfer?

As your condition comes under disability legislation, I think you'd get certain protections from day 1, although I'm no expert on that.

enthusiasticsaver

I certainly feel for you as I remember those days, dropping the kids off at school then rushing to get to work for 9.30, finish at 2.30 to get back for school run and I did not have health issues. I guess changing jobs would also be difficult at the moment and if you work in a bigger company the options are usually better for flexi working so it is annoying that they could not decrease your hours as this may help tremendously.


I would not rush into making a decision and continue with the sick leave and wait for your consultant opinion but then I am like you and have always worked full time or part time when we had small children. Having said that no one but you knows how this affects your health so this should take priority and try to get through to your OH just what impact working is having on your health.


Would you qualify for disability benefits if you gave up or would your OH salary disqualify you from those? I know with recent cutbacks though these are not easy to come by and may end up being a bigger headache than working to get. If you can do a home business without too many start up costs then I guess this would be your best option if you really think your health will not allow you to keep working.


I hope you find an answer anyway.

Anoneemoose

Well, we discussed it in brief and the overall message I got was we would be skint!! Here is an SOA based on me not working. And before anyone comments on it, I KNOW that the amounts we spend on some categories are HUGE (like presents and entertainment and Virgin). I have only put it like it is to demonstrate what we have been spending on these things and that even if we continued to do so, we would not be on the bread line. This is without any extra income from my small business.

font=courier new]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 2

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2440
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 147.55
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2587.55

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 473.4
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 123
Electricity............................. 56
Gas..................................... 56
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 35
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 21
TV Licence.............................. 12.12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 63.99
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 350
Clothing................................ 60
Petrol/diesel........................... 140
Road tax................................ 34.55
Car Insurance........................... 50
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 50
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 18
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 21.96
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 11.14
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 185
Haircuts................................ 15
Entertainment........................... 270
Holiday................................. 120
Emergency fund.......................... 50
Total monthly expenses.................. 2216.16

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 116000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 9000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 125000


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 89000....(473.4)....4.8
Total secured & HP debts...... 89000.....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Car............................9800......213.4.....4.9
Total unsecured debts..........9800......213.4.....-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,587.55
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,216.16
Available for debt repayments........... 371.39
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 213.4
Amount left after debt repayments....... 157.99

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 125,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -89,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -9,800
Net Assets.............................. 26,200