Should I still ask for wedding gifts?

gaving7095

Don't make a list, don't ask for anything and then, if anybody wants to bring a gift, they can.

Don't ask for people to give to charity because it makes you look like a pompous, self-righteous !!! in my opinion.
If people want to give to charity, they will.
If they give you cash, donate it if you want. If they get you a gift you don't actually want... You know where to take it ;-)

dave2

When I go to weddings I like to bring a present as a round-about contribution to this massively expensive party they are throwing.

lynneinjapan

We used the "your presence is more important to us than your presents" cliche and nominated a couple of charities that we invited people to donate to via one of the charity website (justgiving or similar) - but made it clear that this was only if they WANTED to. We did scrape together a list of half a dozen or so items (starting from about £5 iirc) that we quite fancied, in case anyone was really keen to get something specifically for us, but made it clear that there was no need for gifts.

Still got given stuff that we didn't ask for and will probably never use...

buzzablinio

We just said presence more important than presents but set up a just giving page for Shelter and NSPCC for those that still wanted to give.

An alternate would be a favourite book or cd with a note why they like it and think you would ... inexpensive and very personal

Lottie_Clark

I seem to have been to a glut of weddings in recent years and everyone has done something different:

Much like others have said, when our friends wed a couple of years ago they had been together nearly 20 years and raised two daughters so had everything they needed already! They asked everyone who wanted to gift something to contribute money towards a piece of art by a local artist. They were overwhelmed by people's generosity and could afford a larger piece than originally planned. They photographed it hanging on their dining room wall and used the image as their thank you card.

Our cousins last year didn't ask for honeymoon money but created a list through their holiday company so you could put money towards different activities they were planning to do. This could be a small (say £20) contribution towards the flights and hotel stays (every little helps!) or a whole experience like a couples massage during the holiday or a beach-side meal. We found them their photographer and a friend to lend them a marquee so didn't get them a gift and they thanked us in their speech which was unexpected and very lovely of them! They were grateful for people just being there and got people to help with the wedding prep, a handful of gifts on the day, and some contributions to their honeymoon - so a mixed bag really.

On the charity theme another set of friends both lost their mothers to cancer so bought every guest a Cancer Research pin as a wedding favour - it doesn't quite answer your dilemma MSE Nick but it was a thoughtful gesture to receive as a guest and, for me personally, a lot nicer than a bag of sugared almonds.

Our next wedding attendance is later this year and we're facing a dilemma of a similar ilk (but not quite). They're holding it abroad - which is not a problem in and of itself but it turns out they're also having a separate honeymoon - booked through a luxury holiday company to Sri Lanka and the Maldives - and have asked guests to buy giftcards/vouchers from the company towards their honeymoon. I always assumed (perhaps incorrectly) that, aside from the guaranteed weather, you held a 'destination wedding' because you incorporated your honeymoon into the whole trip ie. staying on an extra week after the wedding, and when the guests had flown home, to have your honeymoon too? Maybe I've got this completely wrong though? However, I know a lot of the family are now in a quandary as to what the 'right' thing to do is - when you're already forking out for flights, accommodation and spending money in another currency are you really then expected to bundle another fifty quid onto a giftcard so the couple get to go on a SECOND holiday? I'm not sure if I'm looking at this the right way but, judging on the reaction their 'cheekiness' has got from the entire family as long as you don't do THAT Nick you'll be fine!

L. xx

happyinflorida

How about donating to charity - please not the British Heart Foundation though as they use the money for experimenting on animals, quite a few charities do this now so I don't donate to very many, just the animal ones now, which I know are safe!