Should I still ask for wedding gifts?

Greensaver99

When I had my 60th birthday party, I found I was dreading guests who didn't usually buy me presents feeling as though they had to bring something. In my invitation I said that I didn't need presents, but planned to plant some trees through the Woodland Trust and would appreciate small donations towards that. I got enough donations to buy twice as many trees as I'd planned and only one person insisted on a present - I'm sure it was a relief to most people not to have to try and find something appropriate. I wondered if I would miss being given stuff, but actually it was a huge relief to me too ! I think nominating a specific project, rather than a vague charity donation, was what made it work.

rubix_76

Maybe you could ask people to sponsor a child in a 3rd world country, adopt a goat, buy an acre of the moon so you could move there when you retire. (I jest of course).

There are so many worthwhile charities that people could donate to, you could either leave it up to them, or specify one that is particularly meaningful to your self.

Good luck, I wish I could have done this.

rubix_76

MrGulloebl wrote: »

For our wedding we asked for people to share some time with us ... that is for their 'Presence' rather than 'Presents'.

When I first read this I assumed you meant their presence...at your wedding, but how your friends and family responded sounds fantastic - you sound like you have some very special people in your life.:j

florere

I love the idea of a charity donation.:j

meknowalot-51

It all depends on the amount that's landed on your doorstep.Is it life changeing to the extent that you can both retire and travel the world?Maybe it's enough to pay off the mortgage,clear all debts and still have a few thousand in the bank.If this"fair amount" is one of these then i would dump the present list and go for a charity donation.On the other hand it could be a lot less,in which case i would say nothing and carry on with the original plan.Enjoy the day.

loveenjoyinglife

When I married my husband we had been together for over 10 years so didn't need any household items, we were both working so could afford a honeymoon. We decided to ask guests to make a donation to any of three chosen charities, each charity had a significance to us or our families. We had a box at the reception venue that people could 'post' their donations into with the name of the charity they would like it to go to. There was no pressure for anyone to make a donation and as it was mostly cash we didn't know who had given what amount. Following the honeymoon we sent all our guests a little note to thank them for attending our special day and telling them how much was raised for each charity. A lot of the guests remarked that it was a lovely idea.

anamenottaken

I haven't read all the responses.

When I got married (more than 40 years ago), we had prepared a wedding list which could be provided for anyone who asked but we made no mention of it with the invitation.

We had both lived independently for some years and were therefore merging two small households worth of goods but found items at various levels of expenditure. From the number of tea towels yet to be brought into service, I think many people like to give some tangible gift even when they can't afford much.

So, for those who enquire, a list to be available together with a charitable donation suggestion, would be my choice. But I'm sure I'm very old fashioned.

duchy

If a friend had recently had a large inheritance - would you think you didn't need to give them a Christmas or Birthday gift (assuming you had in past years) ?

Some people will want to mark your special day with a gift- and would feel uncomfortable that you didn't want them to just because you now have money.

SarahQ85

When we got married we wrote something along the 'presence not presents' line, but still got given a pile of household stuff. The 'culprits' were mainly older relatives who just couldn't get their heads around the fact we didn't need another toaster I really struggled with what to do with these unneeded things - in the end I found a local group collecting items for people who'd become homeless and were trying to make a fresh start. I'm glad they eventually went to a good home - but I still haven't told my relatives!

MrGulloebl wrote: »

For our wedding we asked for people to share some time with us ... that is for their 'Presence' rather than 'Presents'.

We were blown away by the results which meant we were entertained almost every weekend for months doing things such as crabbing in Hampshire, sunset cocktails up Centrepoint tower, learning to make bread, camping, walking in the Wye valley, being introduced to Zumba, home grown allotment meals, home cooked Swiss Fondue nights, treasure hunts & many more unique experiences which were not only extremely thoughtful but also allowed our friends to spend as much or as little as they were comfortable with

This is a lovely idea - and you have such interesting and creative friends!

fab_and_frugal

Our local Cats Protection League has a Wishlist on Amazon that people can order stuff from - toys, food, blankets etc for the cats - maybe something like this would be good for you to suggest to your guests, then it combines the charity aspect plus they are still actually buying a gift if they want to do so. It obviously doesn't need to be Cats Protection, check with local charities - animals, churches, foodbanks etc - to see if they would be interested in setting up an online wishlist, then should a guest ask about gifts you can send them the link.