Should I still ask for wedding gifts?

tallgirld

There will always be guests that insist on bringing a present.

Just don't mention it at all and let people decide for themselves.

Technurd

Very interesting to read this as I am in a similar quandary - getting married in June and have consolidated 2 houses. We thought of asking for cash on the basis of half to go to 2 charities - we pick 1 each and half for something special on our honeymoon such as a special trip or helicopter ride. Thought about putting a "Wishing Well" in the corner at the reception for anonymous gifts. I also like the bottle of bubbly idea. Also looking into setting up a just giving page?

chocolatelover93

We sent a little poem in our invites asking people for money instead of gifts as we've lived together for a long time and have all we need.
Maybe you could send something similar but asking for people not to buy gifts and maybe dontate the money they were going to spend to a charity?
You will probably still get some people still giving gifts as a lot of people don't like to show up somewhere empty handed, or maybe just ask people for a photo album or something like that maybe?

arbrighton

We're both comfortable, have been together a long time and have lived together for several years so in small print, put on invitations that in lieu of gifts, would people consider donations to two charities

No idea what will turn up on the day. When attending weddings, we pick gifts off lists if they exist or usually do a voucher if not so they can get something they like

forzaitalia

Am loving all the suggestions about donating to charity. A wonderful idea - it's what I would do in your situation.

tain

Whatever you do - you really need to be very clear with your guests. Otherwise you'll get tons of absolute tut that no one wants because they're not sure what to get you (a la the classic toaster gift), and that's a waste for everyone involved.

Charity is a good shout, and the church one is nice and personal to the wedding day.

If that doesn't float your boat, maybe make it a communal gift for everyone? For instance - people give money, and that goes behind the bar for everyone?

hannerrbabes

Ask your guests to donate to your favourite charity? Or to buy gifts that will benefit a a good cause. Eg; easter eggs for the local kids hospitals or the shoebox appeal.

TBagpuss

Unfortunately saying "no gifts please" ends to be interpreted as "we want cash" because people have started using it that way, so if you want to make it clear to guests that you really mean that, i think it would be sensible to add an explanation.

Giving people alternatives is great, too. If you have a list (which you shouldn't really provide to people unless they ask) if you make sure that everything on it is relatively low value then you send a message that you don't expect people to spend a lot.

If you go with the charity option I would suggest that you say to people that you would prefer that they simply join you for the day,as you are fortunate to have most of what you need to set up home, but that if they wish to give a gift, you would welcome gifts to [charity of your choice] - in your place I might try to think of 2 separate charities, so people have a choice.

People like to give gifts. And a lot of people do feel that money or gifts to charity are a bit impersonal, so having a list but making sure that everything on it is relatively inexpensive might work, too (you could add the bit about charity to the end, if you wanted). If you have a list where nothing costs more than (say) 330 then you are sending a signal that you don't expect anyone to spend more than that.

Another option, depending on what kind of charities you support, would be to ask people to buy gifts direct or the charity - this might work if you were interested in supporting a local women's refuge or homeless charity, for instance - you could invite people to give gifts but explain that the gifts would be passed to the refuge/charity to give to those having to start from scratch. Obviously it would be important to talk to the charity first to check this was practical, and to suggest ideas.

Over all, though, expect to get some gifts.

My sister and BIL explicitly said they did not want or expect gifts, both because they had already beenl living together for 7 years and partly becuae, as they chose to get married from my parents house, pretty much all of the guests were travelling and most would be paying for accommodation of one sort or another for at least one night.

They said that they still got gifts from almost eveyone. People like to give things, and sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to be a gracious recipient.

I would advise against suggesting any kind of cash gift. I think as soon as uou mention it, or provide bank details or anything like that, most people will interpret that as you wanting money, and any disclaimer about not wanting gifts will be read as "we want cash, not stuff" which is tacky, and in your case untrue.

If someone really wants to give you money they will write a cheque or buy a git card or out cash in an envelope.

Have a wonderful day!

Fujiko

The suggestions about giving to charity or the church are all very well in their way, but I think people still like to send a gift. I understand you may feel awkward about having a list, but surely it all depends what you put on it so that no-one will feel embarrassed about not being able to afford anything. I have seen lists that included washing machines, dishwashers, carpets even a bed, all with the required make and nothing a great deal cheaper!

When my daughter got married we solved the problem by having the list, including bed linen, cutlery, etc plus a rather expensive dinner service, at a department store with each item listed separately with the price so that friends had the option of choosing what they could afford even if it was just a couple of plates but at least they knew they were giving what was really wanted. The result was that daughter got most of the things they really wanted, and not a toast-rack in sight!

ButterflyLC

That is very thoughtful of you for thinking this. However, no matter what you say, people will ALWAYS buy you a gift or put some money in a card. To them it is bad etiquette to show up to a wedding giftless and most people would never do that.

We are getting married in 8 weeks, and although it sounds a little cheeky, I have told guests that they are not obliged to buy us a gift, but if they want to they can contribute to our home makeover fund as we have been in our house 2 years and we have all the gadgets and gizmos we need.

You have to remember that your guests will want to buy you something as a thank you for putting on this event for them to enjoy, but also that your financial situation is no ones business either. I would suggest maybe putting together a list of smaller, cheaper items like candles, cushions, photo frames, mugs etc and buy the more expensive things yourself. Either that or ask for money for a specific purpose.