Should I still ask for wedding gifts?

thriftylass

I rather have people turn up empty handed if that's what you'd prefer. I think it is rather bad etiquette to not listen to our wishes. We put onto our invitations that we would not like to receive gifts as we too had lived together for years. Also we didn't want to ask for money as I find this rude and it looks like you want people to pay for your wedding or honey moon. We gave them the choice of three charities however to donate to if they would like to give sth. Half the guests did, about a third gave us vouchers and the rest just a card. Most guests already had to travel and pay for clothes or accommodation (for close family, best man etc we paid that) so we felt it was wrong to ask for gifts although I could have thought of plenty of things or could have done with money.

debbiesmum

I think you will find that most people will want to mark the occasion in some way. Say to people not to buy gifts OR suggest that as you and your partner are fortunate, if they wish to make some gesture please make a donation to a charity which is close to your heart.

Augustus_the_Strong

That's nice of you. But people will still like to give something, so maybe ask for little personal mementoes.

coolreb1

We got married last year but didn't send a wedding list or anything with invites However we had several requests for one so in the end we asked for contributions towards a dining table, this means no pressure on amount to spend and we will spend many years using our table with all our friends from the wedding - although we do keep getting asked which bit they bought!! Nice to have something to keep and remember the day, I've seen a similar thing done to buy a piece of art too.
If I am asked for cash I like to know what it's spent on so I know that I have bought something for the couple to treasure for a long time.

Pawan_2

When we got married, we were in need of things to set up home, having just moved back to the UK from abroad, but I have never liked wedding lists, so we didn't have one (and my husband wasn't wanting one either, coming from a culture where it's not usual to have a list).

We had one or two people ask if they could buy something, or who gave us money, one or two bought something nice they had chosen (like photo albums) and most didn't give anything - which was fine by us, as it was what we had intended. I felt like a lot of our friends would have already have spent a good deal of effort and expense just to get there for the day, so it was lovely to have them with us for the occasion.

Incidentally, 10 years on, we still have mismatched crockery and cutlery (rather than a matching "wedding" set) and we are very happy with it that way.

shzl400

What would be really good would be some mechanism to crowdfund those really big ticket items that you'd never buy for yourself, like the rug and bbq mentioned above. No single guest is likely to afford them on their own, but lots of people could each contribute a little.

It's our 20th Anniversary this Summer and as I type I can see from here about a dozen Wedding gifts that we put on our list and have hardly ever been used. They were lovely to receive and are nice to own and I think of all the givers every time I see them, but did I really need all those posh glasses, vases, decanters and a canteen of cutlery? That having been said, some gifts were used daily and have worn out and I no longer have them to remind me of the gift givers.

hieveryone

I find it really hard to get my head around the 'wedding list' idea tbh, I just cannot fathom it out - the idea of actually ASKING for things. It's beyond me!

I had an invitation that actually listed an email address to put money into their Paypal account, as well as a gift list - I was totally appalled!

When I get married I will NOT be making a list, or asking for gifts, or making up silly rhymes about presence or presents or whatever - I will simply ask for the company of those I wish to be there.

If they wish to bring a gift, I would accept it graciously. If they don't, I will be thrilled at their company on my special day.

MrGulloebl

For our wedding we asked for people to share some time with us ... that is for their 'Presence' rather than 'Presents'.

We were blown away by the results which meant we were entertained almost every weekend for months doing things such as crabbing in Hampshire, sunset cocktails up Centrepoint tower, learning to make bread, camping, walking in the Wye valley, being introduced to Zumba, home grown allotment meals, home cooked Swiss Fondue nights, treasure hunts & many more unique experiences which were not only extremely thoughtful but also allowed our friends to spend as much or as little as they were comfortable with

lika_86

I hate the idea of wedding lists and requests for money as weddings already costs a fortune just for guests to attend, it feels cheeky to ask for stuff too. If I was getting married (which I'm not), I'd tell guests I didn't want presents but that if anyone really felt that they wanted to give me something that I'd love them to buy a copy of their favourite book or a book which means something to them. I love reading and one day would love to have my own home library and I love the idea that it would be filled with books that are special to my family and friends. It's a gift that would mean so much more than the money spent on it. But that's just me.

pennypinchUK

In my experience, wedding guests like to give a gift, even if you specifically say not to. So I suggest you send out a wedding gift list of small and token items, along with a message asking people to enjoy sharing your day without incurring a major expense. Some will take up your offer and be grateful, others will ignore it - you can't stop them.