Need advice/help/answers?

leynat

I usually post under a different name.

I have been married for 6 months and it's the biggest mistake of my life.

i've had enough. This morning my 2 year old wanted to give dad his jacket for work so my 10 year old unhooked it from the peg to give to daddy thus resulting in it being dragged along he floor getting covered in dust (we have just moved house so in the middle of decorating). Que him going off on one - I point out the kids were only trying to be helpful when he takes my jacket and drags it along the floor to see how I like it!

Couple of weeks ago he smashed the to by punching it brokey phone by throwing it all because he was angry I found out he was gambling money away that was for the house. Our hall carpet had just been put down and he threatened to slash it etc etc.

He gave me full control of the bank cards and wanted me not to tell anyone about his gambling or tv - I told my mum he doesn't know this though.

He has never hit me or the kids so we're not suffering domestic violence.

He always says I am negative and how I waste money buying non essential items like make up and clothes. He moans that I only work 3 days a week and says I never do anything around the house and when he is on holiday it's his time! Bet your all thinking why did she marry him?!

I just needed to offload that as I don't know where to turn to. I know I should never have married him and if it wasn't for the kids I never would have. I have never been so miserable and scared in all my life - even when I suffered from depression.

Thanks for reading

quidsy

Umm domestic violence isn't just punching & hitting. You are being abused & he needs to address his emotional outburst & abusive behavior towards you & the kids. I would speak to one of the charities about the best way to approach treatment & help.

Best of luck.

fivetide

Anger management for a start. I wonder how deep the rabbit hole goes in terms of gambling debt. Very tough for someone to give up just like that. I'd be concerned he has a card or accounts you don't know about.


If the anger is otherwise out of character, that could be it. A full and frank discussion needed I feel.


As said though, you don't need to be physically hurt to be abused, especially if it is affecting the kids. How long have you been together? When did this all start?

JoW123

How bad is the gambling? Has it been going on for a while? Could he be in debt which is causing the anger/anxiety/kicking off?? My ex was a gambler (and still is!). I'm going to link the thread I posted nearly 6 years ago as a lot of the advice was fabulous and may be relevant


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1868623=

bluenoseam

It's not domestic violence - it is however domestic abuse & really, the difference while monumental in definition is zilch, NEITHER is acceptable, period.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

leynat wrote: »

I usually post under a different name.

I have been married for 6 months and it's the biggest mistake of my life.

i've had enough. This morning my 2 year old wanted to give dad his jacket for work so my 10 year old unhooked it from the peg to give to daddy thus resulting in it being dragged along he floor getting covered in dust (we have just moved house so in the middle of decorating). Que him going off on one - I point out the kids were only trying to be helpful when he takes my jacket and drags it along the floor to see how I like it!

Couple of weeks ago he smashed the to by punching it brokey phone by throwing it all because he was angry I found out he was gambling money away that was for the house. Our hall carpet had just been put down and he threatened to slash it etc etc.

He gave me full control of the bank cards and wanted me not to tell anyone about his gambling or tv - I told my mum he doesn't know this though.

He has never hit me or the kids so we're not suffering domestic violence.

He always says I am negative and how I waste money buying non essential items like make up and clothes. He moans that I only work 3 days a week and says I never do anything around the house and when he is on holiday it's his time! Bet your all thinking why did she marry him?!

I just needed to offload that as I don't know where to turn to. I know I should never have married him and if it wasn't for the kids I never would have. I have never been so miserable and scared in all my life - even when I suffered from depression.

Thanks for reading

Just read what I've highlighted in red....


It IS domestic abuse. No, you aren't being slapped about, but that isn't the only form of abuse.


Highlights taken from the Women's Aid website (http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310003)


Destructive criticism and verbal abuse: shouting; mocking; accusing; name calling; verbally threatening


Breaking trust: lying to you; withholding information from you


Threats: making angry gestures; destroying your possessions; breaking things; punching walls

j.e.j.

leynat wrote: »

I usually post under a different name.

I have been married for 6 months and it's the biggest mistake of my life.

i've had enough. This morning my 2 year old wanted to give dad his jacket for work so my 10 year old unhooked it from the peg to give to daddy thus resulting in it being dragged along he floor getting covered in dust (we have just moved house so in the middle of decorating). Que him going off on one - I point out the kids were only trying to be helpful when he takes my jacket and drags it along the floor to see how I like it!

Couple of weeks ago he smashed the to by punching it brokey phone by throwing it all because he was angry I found out he was gambling money away that was for the house. Our hall carpet had just been put down and he threatened to slash it etc etc.

He gave me full control of the bank cards and wanted me not to tell anyone about his gambling or tv - I told my mum he doesn't know this though.

He has never hit me or the kids so we're not suffering domestic violence.

He always says I am negative and how I waste money buying non essential items like make up and clothes. He moans that I only work 3 days a week and says I never do anything around the house and when he is on holiday it's his time! Bet your all thinking why did she marry him?!

I just needed to offload that as I don't know where to turn to. I know I should never have married him and if it wasn't for the kids I never would have. I have never been so miserable and scared in all my life - even when I suffered from depression.

Thanks for reading

Sounds like he needs to grow up a bit.. he does this in front of the kids?? How nice for them to see a grown man behaving like that.

marisco_2

I am really sorry to read about all that yourself and your children are suffering. I don't wish to alarm you but abuse always escalates. I would like to suggest that you consider contacting www.womensaid.org.uk Their advisors are very experienced in offering support and advice on your options and on how to keep yourselves safe. They won't push you into making any quick decisions. Another really good resource is the Samaritans. I do know how frightening and awful it is to be facing what you are now. If I can help at all please feel free to PM me.

Marisco

leynat wrote: »

Bet your all thinking why did she marry him?!

How long have you been with him, and was he like this before you married him?

leynat

At work so will reply when I can.

We have been together almost 5 years. I am terrified if I ask him to leave he won't or will end up destroying the house before he goes - his money did decorate it after all! He has no parental rights to my eldest but says he will take the youngest off me as I'm an unfit mother due to have suffered depression and voluntarily signing myself into the mental hospital for a week when my daughter was a toddler. I managed to get through all that and I have tried in the past to take my own life, I have never once harmed or put my kids in any sort of danger. I used to self harm to destract the emotional pain and had not self harmed since 2007. I ended up doing it at xmas and have done it a couple of times since.
I was in an abusive relationship before and he knows all this.
He constantly reminds me of my dark place and calls me psycho when we argue.

As far as I am aware the gambling became an issue a few months ago - he promised to stop but obviously didn't. He never used to be like this.
He has asked me not to tell anyone about it and says it's our problem to deal with but I had already told my mum - I needed to speak to someone.

Piggywiggy

Leave, and leave now, if you are scared now you will always be scared do not get dragged in to a life of misery by a nasty piece of work like him!