Need advice/help/answers?

j.e.j.

You need to try and find out whether his idle threats amount to anything. Can someone lose custody of their child because of mental health issues (which don't affect the child)?

You could also counter-threaten him. His behaviour sounds very abusive to me.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

leynat wrote: »

At work so will reply when I can.

We have been together almost 5 years.

How long has he been like this?

leynat wrote: »

I am terrified if I ask him to leave he won't or will end up destroying the house before he goes - his money did decorate it after all! .

Whose house is the name in? Do you own it? If you both have equal rights over the house then I would suggest you find somewhere else to live which would probably be less arguing (I wouldn't tell him though!)

leynat wrote: »

He has no parental rights to my eldest but says he will take the youngest off me as I'm an unfit mother due to have suffered depression and voluntarily signing myself into the mental hospital for a week when my daughter was a toddler. I managed to get through all that and I have tried in the past to take my own life, I have never once harmed or put my kids in any sort of danger. I used to self harm to destract the emotional pain and had not self harmed since 2007. I ended up doing it at xmas and have done it a couple of times since..

You are not an unfit mother, yes you've had things to deal with and you have. The reason you are self harming is because of the situation you are in.

Quite simply, he CANNOT remove the kids from you. He would need to go to court and prove you are unfit, and you fight straight back that he has violent tendencies (Smashing things up etc)

It is an empty threat to scare you - and its working. Don't let it.

leynat wrote: »

I was in an abusive relationship before and he knows all this.
He constantly reminds me of my dark place and calls me psycho when we argue.

I'm sorry hun, but you still ARE in an abusive relationship.

leynat wrote: »

As far as I am aware the gambling became an issue a few months ago - he promised to stop but obviously didn't..

Gambling is an addiction that needs to be dealt with. He won't change unless HE wants to. You cant help him until HE wants the help.

leynat wrote: »

He never used to be like this.
He has asked me not to tell anyone about it and says it's our problem to deal with but I had already told my mum - I needed to speak to someone.

You're entitled to tell your mum, however I probably wouldn't tell him that you did (for fear he might hurt you as that's the impression I am getting.

My advice to you is this: Contact women's aid or some other charity organisation, start stashing money to get out with, pack and emergency bag (clothes for you and kids etc) and leave at your mums. When you need to leave quickly (and im sorry, it will come) then you can.

thorsoak

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/‎

YOU NEED THIS Mimi's advice above is spot on. Start planning now - good luck.

Mojisola

leynat wrote: »

I was in an abusive relationship before and he knows all this.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

I'm sorry hun, but you still ARE in an abusive relationship.

Absolutely this!

Get onto Women's Aid and plan your escape from this nasty man.

warmhands.coldheart

as it's been such a short time can the marriage be annulled rather than divorce???

fivetide

marisco wrote: »

I am really sorry to read about all that yourself and your children are suffering. I don't wish to alarm you but abuse always escalates. I would like to suggest that you consider contacting www.womensaid.org.uk Their advisors are very experienced in offering support and advice on your options and on how to keep yourselves safe. They won't push you into making any quick decisions. Another really good resource is the Samaritans. I do know how frightening and awful it is to be facing what you are now. If I can help at all please feel free to PM me.

Quoted for the truth there.


Hope you get this sorted OP. You know that what you are doing to yourself is wrong. You've been their before and fought back. Don't let yourself get pushed that way again.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

OP - I've been thinking about you recently and I wondered what had happened since your post?


Can you update?