Urgent Help

introuble-2015

I am not sure If i am posting in the right section, please feel free to move this If I have.

I got married 2 months ago but haven't consummated my marriage as I am scared as hell. I am a virgin and all the scary stories around losing it have really put me off. We do all the bits leading up to "It" but as soon as he comes near me I push him away (sorry to be so graphic)

I am seeing a physcosexual therapist but no matter how much she assures me I just freeze when it's about to happen.

I haven't had any bad experience in my childhood If lot of you are thinking that. It's just I think I will be in so much pain and it will rip me apart.

wiogs

introuble-2015 wrote: »

I am not sure If i am posting in the right section, please feel free to move this If I have.

I got married 2 months ago but haven't consummated my marriage as I am scared as hell. I am a virgin and all the scary stories around losing it have really put me off. We do all the bits leading up to "It" but as soon as he comes near me I push him away (sorry to be so graphic)

I am seeing a physcosexual therapist but no matter how much she assures me I just freeze when it's about to happen.

I haven't had any bad experience in my childhood If lot of you are thinking that. It's just I think I will be in so much pain and it will rip me apart.

Lots of people seem to manage without being ripped apart.

Good luck with the counselling.

JoW123

introuble-2015 wrote: »

I am not sure If i am posting in the right section, please feel free to move this If I have.

I got married 2 months ago but haven't consummated my marriage as I am scared as hell. I am a virgin and all the scary stories around losing it have really put me off. We do all the bits leading up to "It" but as soon as he comes near me I push him away (sorry to be so graphic)

I am seeing a physcosexual therapist but no matter how much she assures me I just freeze when it's about to happen.

I haven't had any bad experience in my childhood If lot of you are thinking that. It's just I think I will be in so much pain and it will rip me apart.

You have a very strange idea of a consensual sexual relationship if you think you will be ripped apart. I think you need to stick with working with your therapist to overcome this as no matter how many people tell you otherwise it is obviously a big issue for you personally

melloecastro

Have you thought of joint counselling? Is he a virgin too?

ciderwithrosie_2

Women can push a large baby out through the vagina without being ripped apart so a penis should slide in easily as long as you are relaxed and excited (therefore lubricated). Make sure you have plenty of foreplay with your husband first.

Who on earth told you such scary stories about losing your virginity, I never heard any when I was growing up, just that the first time was often a bit embarrassing and awkward?

Try experimenting by yourself and learn about your own body, how it is shaped, and how it works.

Have you tried having a drink or two to relax you?

System

Everyones experiences of their first time are different, but i think you may have convinced yourself its going to be painful, and if you're uncomfortable and tense it may end up being a bit painful. But i think if you're relaxed, and aroused (and lube can be pretty handy if you need a bit of extra help) it shouldn't really much. Obviously only my experience but my first time wasn't in the slightest bit painful. Have you discussed this with your partner? You say you've done other things? Without being too graphic does that include using hands/fingers? Or has that been avoided? If you haven't done that yet it might be an easier way to ease yourself into it.

marisco_2

I hope that the counselling you are having will help you to overcome all the fears you have. I can only recommend a lot of very honest talking with your husband. The more he understands what you are thinking and feeling, the less likely he is to feel pushed away emotionally and he will be able to maintain a closer connection with you.

thorsoak

If you have ridden a bicycle, or a horse, or used a tampon you may have stretched the hymen already. It doesn't rip apart!

Robisere

This is a genuine fear from someone who has led an obviously sheltered life and may have been badly misinformed about relationships.

The first thing to do is to stop thinking about it as "having sex" and start thinking about it as "making love." That's what much of modern life has done to us: it is all part of love, but too much of today is centered upon how sexy we should look, or behave.

The second thing to do, is to think about how much you do (or perhaps do not) love your husband. If you love him, tell him so - does he return that? Then sit down with him and try to tell him your fears. The fact that you think he will "rip you apart" will affect his male ego in what may appear to be a strange way. If it was me (and it was, once) I would immediately feel protective of you. I would also marvel at the fact that I have married such a shy, naive, sensitive lady and I would try to tell you how that made me feel, as well as trying to calm your fears.

Try to ask him to go with you for counseling, it will help you both. You are at a crossroads now in your marriage, please try to bring your husband along with you.

I wish you both very good luck.

Seanymph

Have you had surgery that may make intercourse difficult?

One thing you could do if you haven't (or even if you had) is get checked out by your GP to make sure that there is no issue, and you won't be in any danger at all - or risk of pain.

Your counsellor will be a great help.

How is your husband? Is he being helpful and supportive? It sounds as if he is.

I wish you the very best of luck, mutual sharing of each others bodies is one of the absolute bonuses of marriage - there are others of course (my husband is also a good cook ) But really, you are missing out on something tremendously special until you get it sorted.

But it sounds like you will. Have fun - that's what closeness is all about. Don't put pressure on yourself or him. And enjoy him.

j.e.j.

You could maybe try with toys first? They come in different sizes, so maybe start with a small one. If you want, you could try it on your own first and see how you get on. It might get rid of the fear, which is causing you to tense up. You need to relax, - if you're tense you're going to be in a lot of unnecessary pain.