Urgent Help

Soleil_lune

j.e.j. wrote: »

You could maybe try with toys first? They come in different sizes, so maybe start with a small one. If you want, you could try it on your own first and see how you get on. It might get rid of the fear, which is causing you to tense up. You need to relax, - if you're tense you're going to be in a lot of unnecessary pain.

This ^^^

And maybe (as someone suggested,) perhaps get a bit tipsy too... to get relaxed.

You won't 'rip apart.' :eek: Having sex is natural and (VERY) enjoyable, particularly if it's with someone you love.

barbiedoll

OP, there is more information on the NHS website....

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Vaginismus/Pages/Introduction.aspx

I think this may be what you're suffering from, it can be cured, my colleagues and I have just helped a woman deliver a baby after suffering from it! It's not just virgins who suffer from this, potential childbirth is a very common trigger.

Keep going with the therapist, these things do take time to work, but don't lose heart, you can get past this. And maybe have a look at this?

Good luck!

lostinrates

If your relationship with your pschyosexual counsellor is not helping you might consider finding another. Continuing to attempt penetrative sex if you are scared might be perpetuating the problem.

I'm not really sure what help people here can give beyond what a good specialist counsellor could give, as they will be able to related to your personally and discuss in more detail physical things to do and try and where your limit is in a way that is not appropriate on a forum like this.

lostinrates

Soleil_lune wrote: »

This ^^^

And maybe (as someone suggested,) perhaps get a bit tipsy too... to get relaxed.

You won't 'rip apart.' :eek: Having sex is natural and (VERY) enjoyable, particularly if it's with someone you love.

Or even potentially as unworld shaking and so far discomfort ( or sensory) that some women think about the grocery list while in the process, not as a distraction from discomfort, but out of boredom. .

However, it is ok not to proceed with anything that makes you uncomfortable, IMO, but in part of a couple for me that would be with the proviso that the issue is being worked through.

Purplesky_2

Second a lot of what has been said.

Go slow
Figure out what you like
Use lubrication if appropriate
Try toys first.

Also baby steps.
Just because you have been penetrated doesn't mean you have to keep going to climax for either of you. If you only get one or two thrusts, that's ok. Maybe next time you'll get five or ten Make sure you have a stop word.

Practice mindfulness. Be in the moment. Think about the sensations and the love of your partner, focus on the tingling that indicates arousal.

Sounds like you have some stuff to unpack from your past and the messages you have got about sex. 'The Joy of sex' is an 'oldy but a goody' resource

Ultimately, it doesn't make you slutty or impure, it's one of the most natural parts of humanity. It's even in the wedding vows (euphemistically) - 'To have and to hold'.

Good luck.

littlegreenparrot

Don't forget that penetrative sex isn't the be all and end all. There are lots of other ways to be intimate, which will hopefully help you relax into the whole thing eventually.

Keep talking to him, and working through it, there's no timetable.

thorsoak

Hmmmmmm - strange, is it not, for a newbie to come on here, make such personal, potentially "interesting" post and then disappear?

BarryBlue

thorsoak wrote: »

Hmmmmmm - strange, is it not, for a newbie to come on here, make such personal, potentially "interesting" post and then disappear?

Such an obvious troll, surely people can spot these a mile off! Look at the time it was posted, probably a couple of kids having a laugh after school. MSE is getting more and more of these, there was a thread about it the other day.

Mojisola

thorsoak wrote: »

Hmmmmmm - strange, is it not, for a newbie to come on here, make such personal, potentially "interesting" post and then disappear?

Very likely a troll but the answers could well be useful to someone struggling with the issue but too embarrassed to ask about it.

lostinrates

Mojisola wrote: »

Very likely a troll but the answers could well be useful to someone struggling with the issue but too embarrassed to ask about it.

This was absolutely my thought when I read the op.